loveNgirl Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 How do you move on from something you know is just toxic to your life. Me and my boyfriend broke up for pobably the 5083492342378 time and I know I should just move on. If I dont move on, he will never change or Ill never find anyone else. I just feel like Im supposed to be in this relationship. Maybe I feel that way because of his abuse towards me. I just want to get away but dont know how. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Why can't you just stop communication? Link to comment
Up and Down Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Abusive relationships can be hard to move away from, because even though the lows are so low...the high's are so high. It's like quitting a drug. You wonder if this is the time they will actually change...but in reality you keep ending back in the same place with them abusing you. It's a vicious circle. In any case here are some criteria for an abusive relationship. link removed To answer your question on how you get away from them, you cut all contact with them. It's hard to do but get's easier with time. Link to comment
homeagain Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 How do you move on from something you know is just toxic to your life. Me and my boyfriend broke up for pobably the 5083492342378 time and I know I should just move on. If I dont move on, he will never change or Ill never find anyone else. I just feel like Im supposed to be in this relationship. Maybe I feel that way because of his abuse towards me. I just want to get away but dont know how. i understand what you're talking about. i played this game with my ex. the problem for us was, in the end, neither of us really changed no matter how many times we broke up. the big problems still continued. when we actually broke up for real, it was like he had just given up because we had been through it so many times before. the way he cut me out and denied it was cold and i didn't deserve it. i guess from this, i'd caution you: the more you break up, the more you hurt each other. when the relationship is toxic (a word he got from his therapist and hurled at me a lot), it brings both parties down a lot. in my case, one of us just got spiteful and mean (him), while the other one held onto unrealistic fantasies of how good we could be if we really worked through all our crap (me). in the end, he made me feel like crap. everything he described that he valued or wanted, i wasn't. he hurt my feelings by being selfish, but he also hurt my feelings because he stopped caring what i thought or what i wanted. i think he stayed in the relationship because i did things for him. i stayed because i believed in a fantasy. when i ceased to be of any use, he kicked me to the curb. was there some emotional abuse? yes. do i see that now? yes. does it scare me? YES. if you think there is not a real reason for you to stay, there probably isn't. if you feel like you're just supposed to be there because of inertia or because you've stayed this long... i'm not sure it can get much better for you. it didn't for me, it just got worse and we fought each other harder and with more hurtful words and actions. breaking up sucks... a lot. i didn't even get how hard it would be to really break up before it happened. but honestly... i wake up now, and i'm like, i seriously considered marrying someone who was so negative toward me? and it was worth going through the break up to avoid. good luck to you. i know it is hard! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 I didn't know if they were living together or if he was the source of support. I was interested in a little info on the relationship. Link to comment
KrayzieBeautiful Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 great post homeagain. I think I'm at the end of this same kind of relationship. Its just hard to let go sometimes. Link to comment
homeagain Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 Abusive relationships can be hard to move away from, because even though the lows are so low...the high's are so high. It's like quitting a drug. You wonder if this is the time they will actually change...but in reality you keep ending back in the same place with them abusing you. It's a vicious circle. In any case here are some criteria for an abusive relationship. link removed To answer your question on how you get away from them, you cut all contact with them. It's hard to do but get's easier with time. thank you for this article. this summer, my ex missed an exit on the highway. he started screaming at me, the passenger, about not paying attention and he swerved our car wrecklessly through several lanes of traffic. i knew what happened was wrong, but i didn't understand why he would do such a thing. he said it was my fault. his behavior patterns fit a lot of the things on this list. i often felt powerless to his irrational feelings. i felt like he was making me crazy sometimes. one time he screamed at me for no reason for an extended period of time and i threw a bottle accross the room at a wall because he wouldn't stop yelling at me. i felt so guilty. i've never hit or thrown things otherwise. he often brought up that incident as an example of how i was a terrible person and how i was the problem... but i look at this list... and he fits the profile of most. it makes me feel stupid for having stayed for soooo long... but glad to be out. i still feel bad i got rejected by a loser... but i guess, sometimes we just have to be thankful things happened how they did, and not look at why or how! Link to comment
Up and Down Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 It's a tough lesson in life, but it will open your eyes up to the red flags. The ones you ignored because you loved their sweet side. My ex was abusive but I guess I didn't really put a finger on it until after we broke up. I suppose I thought abuse against men was mostly physical, until I read that article....I could definitely relate to the walking on eggshells. Be glad you aren't married or have kids with this person. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 I just want to get away but dont know how. pick up that courage and walk away never looking back... I just feel like Im supposed to be in this relationship. Maybe I feel that way because of his abuse towards me. he hits you? Link to comment
homeagain Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 pick up that courage and walk away never looking back... he hits you? i'm with wtm... if he physically hurts you, you have to get out now. your life could be riding on that decision. call friends, family, the police, or a shelter if you need to do so to get out. if he hits you, all bets are off and that's the only thing you need to see! another source of support - any medical professional you interact with is required to assist you in finding help to leave a situation where you are in danger of abuse or domestic violence. in my post to you, i was thinking about more of the emotional abuse, which i think up and down did a good job of showing with the link can be damaging in a lot of ways people don't even realize. my thoughts are with you! Link to comment
loveNgirl Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 isn't it usually the abusee that has to ultimately end the relationship? Link to comment
Up and Down Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 isn't it usually the abusee that has to ultimately end the relationship? No it goes both ways. Often times an abuser will end the relationship when the abusee starts to stand up for themselves...they will flip the script on you and when you start fighting back, say look you are creating all of these fights.... blame, blame, blame.... Link to comment
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