i just want to disappear... forever

[dyingfaery]

hi~

 

i've just been so sad lately... in august i was admitted into the hospital because i was going to kill myself, and for a little while, i thought i was actually getting better. however, now i feel like i'm losing myself again. the only difference is: now i'm not scared. i just want to die. so badly. my grades are dropping in school, my friends don't really care about me, i know my parents care, but i can't stand it at home, and the medicine i'm supposed to be taking is with my weight and my sleep. it wasn't helping at all, so i went off it. i cry every day, and i cut. everything i see looks like a weapon, and i'm so tempted to just go for it. i know that it would cause my parents and family lots of pain, but if they only knew what i was feeling, maybe they would understand... obviously, part of me wants to stay alive... otherwise i wouldn't be writing this and sort of askin for help. i'd just be gone. but, that small part of me is diminishing so quickly, and my therapist is awesome, but i don't even think she knows what to do with me any more. i feel like such a lost cause. i want to disappear... help

 

~dyingfaery

[HippoXNinja]

Hi dyingfaery. Coming to this site was a really good thing. That part of you that dosen't want to die will always be there. Its just that sometimes it gets ignored. There have been times where I've just wanted to end everything cuz it just hurt way too much. But the only thing that kept from doing anything crazy was my mom. Its not like have a super good relation with my parents or anything, its just that I didn't want to put her through something like that. People say suicide is bad and stuff not so much cuz of the fact that a person destroys themself but because of the effect it has on others. I don't know anything about you other than the words I read on your post but I already feel sad because there's someone out there who's going through something nobody on this earth should ever have to go through. Think about what you'd be leaving behind. Despite how messed up things can be there's so much to experience that will change everything you ever thought about life.

[benchwarmer]

Make a wish, Faery. Make one that brings tears of joy at the imagination of it. It doesn't matter how fantastical, outlandish, or impossible that wish may be. Have you seen Pinnochio? Wish upon a star, Faery.

 

You seem like an intelligent person, possibly overwhelmed. Maybe you are surrounded by idiots or people that don't think like you. But you are around some people that care about you; you are cared for, to some degree, if you are seeing a therapist. You are creative; your name would suggest that. These are a few blessings that I've discovered about you; and I only know you through one post on this impersonal forum. I imagine there are alot more blessings to you.

 

And if you want to share that wish with us, I know that I would be honored to hear it. But you don't have to. You say only what you want.

 

Oh, and if this world doesn't fight for you, then you beat it at it's own game. You fight for it. This universe needs you; and you need this universe. You just might not know how or why. Love your enemies(which could even be your parents). Just give love. And if you can do that, you may just find that you are something, not nothing. Because that love you just fought to give proves that you matter; you have something to give.

 

Oh, and you'll know you've given something, if it hurts you, like, possibly, the feeling of cutting yourself. Except that giving of yourself hurts as deep as you give it. So the deeper you reach in to give, the deeper the pain. It's a rush, if you're into that whole self abasement thing. Try it out. But, as you should know, there's a sensation to the pain. The sensation of giving is a rush many times greater than a flesh wound. It has the advantage of joy. I hope you can experience joy.

 

You can change your world, if you love it. I'm serious.

 

A good fairy tale is a scary, wild, sad, and happy and beautiful journey. The book tells you when the story is finished. The end greets you. If the words "The End" don't clue you in, the fact that there are no more pages to turn should do the trick. You didn't write the book. You're just a character in this grand tale of life.

 

Tales are told because wishes are made. And if you make a wish, your tale may just have a happy ending. You have to help it along though.

 

You can close the book; you can end this Faery tale. Or you can live this Faery tale 'till the back cover slaps you in the face because you don't want to put it down!

 

 

Make a wish

[molluscum_fibrosum]

you seem like such a sweet, sensitive person, i think i know quite a few people like you.

 

you are really sensitive person, who sees the bads things in life, who sees people suffering and knows they can do little to alleviate the situation over-all.

 

 

i dont know if i can help you, but you can PM me anytime you want

 

 

i offer you know false words of hope, but if you need to talk,im here.