determined Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 You're right guys. Had an all time new record of working last night 9.45pm !! whoooo. I'm basically throwing myself into the London advertising office life and I feel great for it, I have more pleasure from hearing from directors "god job" than my ex "how are you". This may seem anal but it works for me as my manager is taking me out for big drinking session as a thank you. Guess this is me getting on with my life, started getting more confident and the fact I'm so busy at work means I literally dont have time to make contact with her.....thank god. Also meeting loads of new people and feel I've achieved more for myself in 4 months than the 2 years I was with her. Thankyou again Mjord, Spatz and Beec, Gee cee for your support, You've been more of an influence than you think. We should organise a big session in the capital sometime. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Oh yeah -big session in the capital some time!!! Bring it on!!! G xxx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Beec, Majord, Geecee, Determined Your opinions again - i've been thinking over what Beec said about the 'gameplan'....but what do you guys suggest if i find out she is seeing someone else. Does my gameplan still stand - do i still try to reel her in as a friend and then attempt to seduce her...or do i just come out with it and tell her that there is no point if she is with someone else. I know i don't really wanna know it, but its kinda eating away at me just out of curiosity!! But if i found out that she is seeing somone i would be gutted. Really gutted. And i would be pissed off that she thought we could really just be friends. Just some ramblings anyway Link to comment
determined Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Spatz You hould probably assume that she is seeing someone else so that if it does happen you will be prepared and if you find out for def she isn't it will be a nice relief. I think we are both getting too consumed in strategy here. I keep on appraoching this whole thing like business which is really stupid because emotions although predictable at times are far more likely to spiral us out. I think relaxing inthe knowledge that your life will have to move on and with that will either come a. your ex or b.someone else you cherish, but when you don't expect it which is really lame but true. The gameplan, well yeah lets have a startegy to an extent, a strategy to better yourself and promote a successful fulfilled image of yoursel aswell as being able to play acrobatics mentally around your ex, she thinks you'll do this so you do that she thinks you'll say that so you say this, I think you know what you want, I think you're clued up enough to know if it's realistic or not, what you have to do is try and control what you emotions will make you do...which is to screw up. Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Spatz You should probably assume that she is seeing someone else so that if it does happen you will be prepared and if you find out for def she isn't it will be a nice relief. Spatz, I agree with determined. Wondering whether she is seeing someone else isn't productive. If you decide that she is, you will be gutted. If you figure that she isn't, you will be hopeful....but also frustrated by the fact that she is single when she could be with you. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to assume the worst, and work your way up from there. As always, the best thing is to concentrate on yourself...keep following your plan (no contact etc.) and try not to let her behaviour (or potential behaviour) deviate you from it. Link to comment
Beec Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 spatz, if you want her, then I would not change your plan too much. You may need to adapt it to account for his presense. You may need to insinuiate somehow that he is not for her. You should not attack him, indeed you should almost pump something up about him that is a fault. For instance, if you are emotional and he is not, pump up the idea that she should not want someone who lets her know he cares. Not in those words, but you want to encourage her to date the cold fish and become unsatified with him, just because he is a cold fish and you are not. If you attack him directly for being a cold fish, then she will see it as such and a fault of yours. If you give off-hended praise, then it is not an attack, but you insinuate it as a fault; you make her think about it; you make her want the emotional lift she receives from your appreciation for her. Now in order to do this you need to know your game and what works and have some idea about his game and what works and does not work. And, yes that will require you to be a friend. Remember that all the time you do this you should be making yourself and object of desire, have other dates, get attention from women, etc. Guess what, if you really don't want to bother with her as a target, you should act the same way. Be friendly, and do the rest. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 ...well that is a fair bit of reading and thinking for me tonight!! Busy as hell at work, so my brain isn't really taking much in at the moment - just reading blank words!!! Cheers for the opinions - i'll give them some attention later before i go out!! Link to comment
bexcelant Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Wow..was reading Spatz's posts and the similarities are truley amazing. I found myself going yep, yep, yep, I did that, yep, yep. Ok so now my question is this. I want her back yes and I have already gotten to that reinitiating contact and in the span of a month, I got her to meet me for dinner even though I know she has a boyfriend. I didn't go overboard, I didn't talk about anything serious, didn't bring him up, we just went out and had fun like we did before. We ended on a friendly note and I think we were both glad we reconnected. I figured that since it went so well..I'd call her next week and see if I could do it again..but it was weird..she was sorta nonchalant about it...and then she said she had an incoming call but she'd call me back. She never called me back. It's now been a week but I have no idea what is going through her head. We did get along great. I know she has a bf but I'm not sure where they are at. I sorta figure it can't be that great if she wanted to have dinner with me. By the way, that was her suggestion not mine. What I want to know is where is this girl's head at? Should I reinitiate the no-contact thing and wait for her to call me or should I ask what is going on with her? Bex Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 *^bump^* What's the latest determined? Hope you're doing ok mate. Link to comment
determined Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 Well no news, been a week today and no contact. Feeling good, busy with work probably because I've distanced myself from any source of upsetting news. It's my birthday tomorrow so should be interesting to see if she sends anything. Trying desperately not to think about her, well I do, every day. Sometimes I get sad when I think that we will never be again, but then something inside me tells me to chill and that we will???? I've had bust ups like this before, (well not from such a close relationship) and have always been able to know, right thats it, it will never be again, buit with her its different, really weird. So I'm just trying to get on meet new people and stay busy with work. How about you Mjord, whats your status with the exs and the currents? Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Great to hear that you're doing well mate! Once you have a little distance, you gain some perspective and realise that either they *are* the one for you or they *aren't*....it sounds like you are realising that she is someone special, and because you have been strong enough to maintain no contact, you haven't spoiled your chances with her by saying anything inappropriate or harsh. I've had that "I know" feeling as well mate....and 9 times out of 10 it's right - I think you end up taking an objective look at your situation and realise that things could be worse. You treated her well, she cares about you and she is in a rebound with a loser....not too bad a position for an ex to be in from your point of view. As for me....haven't heard from my ex again (since the phonecall) and to be completely honest, hand on heart, I don't care. I think I finally achieved closure after hearing from her and I can honestly say that a week after the call, I stopped missing her competely...so that's cool. I did however look back and wonder if I had missed out on someone special over the past 14 months because of being hung-up on my ex. Thankfully, I can't remember anyone...so that's a relief! I've just started seeing a lovely girl, who I really cannot fault - it's only early days, but we'll see. Thanks for the heads-up determined - keep us posted mate, I often wonder how you're doing....it really is great to hear that you're hanging in there bro! Link to comment
determined Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 Cheers Mjord, hoping everything goes well for yourself as you truly deserve it mate. I hope you're right about the situation I'm in, I haven't reached the I don't care stage yet, to be honest I don't think I will. The I know feeling is really bizarre, sometimes I know that things just need alot of space and time and other times I'm constantly worried that I'm just feeding of my emotions of want and how would we ever get back on track if she's with this loser who will prove to be an obstacle if we were ever to reconcile. Other times I think the only way I can get over her is if I fall in love with another, but that's not really easy. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Do you think that 11 months apart with minimum contact is going to cause a huge problem for us? I mean, I'm going back to Newcastle in Sept where I will see her, if i see her with the muppet then ..... well Im dreading that! I'm going to test my I know here with you guys, when I say I know it means I have a gut feeling. I have a gut feeling that she'll contact me one way or another tomorrow for my birthday. I'll let you know if my spidey sense is right! Link to comment
lizzie Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I just read through this thread - I can identify with both Majord and Determined. We have been broken up for 15 months - however he keeps contacting me - at least weekly. He has another girlfriend - and has since he broke up with me. He says he is in a commited relationship with her - but does not see her ofter. (Usually just at the bar she works at) - He keeps contact with me and states he has feelings for me. Can things still work out after this long? Also - I'm like Determined - I've held on because I feel he is the one in my heart. I've never held on like this before. Any suggestions or comments? Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Determined - happy birthday - hope that you have a &^%(ing great day. Enjoy yourself all day long, and then all night long!!! G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Happy Birthday Determined, Anyway, can't post more - got a REALLY busy day today - heading up to London for work, then back here this afternoon. Cheers Spatz Link to comment
determined Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 Thanks guys, spending the first part of the day at work and then out with the guys for a fairly rude drinking session. Had to cancel with the girl I'm seeing as to be honest I really wanted to go out with the guys (Viva la resistance to the female race). However, as predicted, 7am had a text from the ex. Guess my gut was right. Simply said Happy Birthday "petname" (way too embarrising to post) hope you have a lovely day. so sorry but your card wont arrive till tomorrow as being blonde I posted it last night. Have muchos fun. Love jojoxxx Well I was going to wait to speak with you guys but I texted back at around 8am and then she rang, had a good little giggle on the phone, and all seemed good, a couple of texts after that and there we are. No contact all good and well but consideringI live so far away I think it's best to obviously not go overboard but to maintain a link. Also, I feel able to follow Beec's advice whereby I can speak and come accross confident etc and not mention US!!! However, I'm leaving things are way they are and see what happens. Take care guys and have a good day. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Spill the beans, Determined, what's your petname?!?!?!? G xx Link to comment
Beec Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Happy B-Day, seems like there may be light at the end of the tunnel, but then again it could be an oncoming train. Anyway, there is no bad news to your post Determined. At least, I see none. Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Whew I can't wait till this is over or locked. Good luck and happy b-day Link to comment
determined Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Ahhhh, things have been going really well, was sent to Barcelona for an advert shoot and put up in an amazing hotel, driven everywhere, wined and dined and basically had alot of fun with an expense account. Back to London, my friend from home (the grim reaper of information) decided to dump another corpse in my ear about how he thinks my ex is happy but has regrets, how her new loser is no me, how she still has feelings for me and he thinks there is probably a chance we would get back but I would be a total idiot to do so as she is really immature, and dizzy right now, also she rings him to try and score drugs for when idiot unemployed ape boy comes to visit her. In fact I didnt take it that badly, I thought well....your both losers then, I'll give you enough rope and you'll both hang each other, her because if she sticks with him she'll become total low grade waste living in some trailor park or scummy hell hole in the north of England or worse, Ireland and him because she'll end up cheatimg on hime etc etc. Well the anger subsides, I just think how sad it all is, not like boo hoo, but kingda sigh sad.....then I get in my Merc and burn rubber!!!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Determined - good to hear life is so good for you - keep burning that rubber!!!! G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Good for you D, glad ur happy and sorted. Its a hell of a change from a few weeks ago!!! Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Can't believe I missed this! Great Stuff determined! You sound like you are living the highlife The more I hear about your situation, the more confident I become that ultimately the decision will be *yours* mate. If what your friend says is true, it won't be long before the 'honeymoon' is over and she will try to increase her presense in your life.....just to test the waters. You will then have to decide which way you want to react....to get her back, or to tell her that she has missed her chance. Whichever decision you make will be the right one. I (again) cannot say how much I admire your strength mate....you have taken actions within weeks, that some (myself included) could not have take in months. Well done. Geez...it's 2am!! ...................................... Link to comment
determined Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 well guys, been a 12 days, nearly 2 weeks and no contact eek, the near longest!!! Well I'm going up to Newcastle this weekend where she is, to stay with some friends. Do I contact her to arrange to meet, do I wait for her to contact me as she will find out that I'm coming up? What do I do? I'm thinking the no contact is the safer bet but I don't know???? Trying not to get down about it? Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Hey D, see PMs. I do really hope you don't get too down about it. Just be careful, i'm sure you already know that seeing her again could drag up old feelings on your part that were not giving you the best of times before - thats part of the reason i am worried about whether i see my ex!!! Link to comment
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