Klementine475 Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Well, I've wrote here about 2.5 months ago when me and my ex broke up for the 3rd and final time....I was devistated and didn't think I could get on with my life and just wanted all the pain and the thoughts in my head to go away. I lost all my self confidence and started listening to the advice given on this forum especially I followed the no contact rule. So I found myself a new place with a great roomate, started going to professional cooking school which was always my dream and even started going out wtih a really nice guy and I really started to like him. So it had been almost 3 months of no contact, it was very hard for me and I started to realise that there is no hope and that I'll never hear from him again and that he's probably moved on and completely forgotten about me. Until yesterday, yesterday he sent me 2 text messages saying how much he misses me and how much he wants to hear my voice. Then he called and left a voice message saying he really misses me and wants to tell me something. I did not respond to any of it, in fact I was so insulted because the last time we talked, when he was breaking up with me and I was on my knees crying and begging him not to leave me, I could see how it was so painful and hard for him to see me in that state, and I asked him to never contact me again so yesterday I felt insulted because all I could think of when reading this messages was how selfish and cold hearted he was and how he didn't think for a second about how I would feel... So what I'm trying to say people is that I never thought I'd feel this way about my ex because i really and truly loved him with all my heart and though i stuck to the no contact rule in order for him to maybe miss me and want me back, in the end, it really helped me move on with my life and see that i can do much better without him...so to everyone in this forum who feel like this feeling of pain and anger and worthlesness will never go away, all you need to do is want to heal yourself and care enough about yourself to realize that you can provide all the love, comfort and support to yourselves. The fact that you're here trying to help eachother, including me, already means that you're on your way to recovery, I never would have been able to see all these things without the support of all of the great smart people on this forum, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and good luck to all of you, be strong and love yourselves. Link to comment
humanoidcontent Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Congratulations. 0X Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Hey girl That was killer...Thank You very much for being so strong. It helps us all. Kuhl Good Luck in cooking school Link to comment
disEnchantid Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 kudos! I am so proud of you! You are an inspiration to everyone here in the same situation! I hope I will have the inner strength you do should my ex ever decide to try and contact me. -dE Link to comment
cobro Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Wow, that is a very similar situation to mine, except I'm a guy. My ex also broke up with me for the 3rd and final time 3 months ago. We were together for 2.5 years also. I also begged and pleaded her not to break up with me, I wanted to work things out. I was heartbroken. I was a pathetic loser, begging and pleading for her not to let us go. That was the day we broke up. After that day, I swore I wasn't going to call her and beg for her back or anything like that. We talked about 2 or 3 times after that, she called me twice and I called her once. That one time of calling her was enough for me, I couldn't handle talking to her. So that day, about a month after we broke up, I told myself I was cutting all contact with her. I saw no point in continuing any kind of friendship with someone who didn't want to be with me. I mean why be number 2 or 3 in her life when I used to be number 1? Screw that. So I started the no contact rule, and after about 1 month guess who starts calling? Yes, and I didn't answer the first time. About a week later she calls again at midnight friday night and I answered. It was really awkward, she claims she calls just because she's been thinking about me alot. You just don't call friends at midnight on friday because you've been thinking about them. It was so obvious she missed me or my attention. I was somewhat nice to her (It was forced) and the conversation ended in a friendly way, but it just goes to show that she STILL has no regard for my feelings or what she did to me. I don't call people that I break up with if I knew I hurt them, unless I really miss them and want them within my reach for possible future use! It is obvious our exes miss us and know they messed up, for mine I know its just a matter of months, maybe years before she realizes that she messed up big time. She should have snatched me up when she had the chance! Now its too late for our exes to come back, let them beg and plead, let them know how it feels to be rejected. They messed up so let them live with it. Unlike you, I haven't met anyone else yet but that hasn't stopped me from trying to move on, although it would be easier if I had someone special in my life. Thanks for the inspiring story and stay strong, I will also. Link to comment
sidehop Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 That's a great story and I'm very happy for you, to be a strong person all those times he left you and building your life back up. It takes a person so much to get over any relationship you truly believe in and for some it's a total devastation. Thank you for writing this, it gave me a lot of courage as I'm sure it did for many others on this forum. Link to comment
Chupa Chup Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 thanks cobro and the others for your story... i just want to say that the no contact rule certainly does help you heal inside no matter how slow the process is. its been a month since my ex broke up with me and since then we have not called each other or made any attempts to contact each other. this is especially easier to follow when you are in different countries. (he's in asia and i'm in australia) i am glad for those of you who have triumphed through this "no contact" rule and i am sorry for the way your exs have treated you. i believe that you will all find someone who will treat you and love you so much more. my ex had promised me to work things out at a very difficult time in our relationship but he turned around and said that he didn't want to be in this relaitonship anymore. after breaking up with me, he very convienently packed his bags and flew back to asia for work 12 hours after that. what a coward. however, my break up story is rather different from the rest of you because he couldn't feel love for me in our relationship after almost 5 years. so, it was just wrong to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't love you for that long. my point is, i am glad for those of you who have gone through the rough and difficult patch of time and who are still fighting on hard to get yourselves back to the happy and confident people that you once were. i am also doing that myself. its been a month since we spoke and tho i wished with all my heart that sometimes he would call me and say how STUPID he's been to have let me go and ask me back, i am slowly beginning to feel that i don't really want to be with this person anymore because he's got some serious psychological emotional problems that he's gotta solve on his own. but the question is: will he ever call me one day out of the blue and tell me he misses me or just to say HI? (i know he misses me and feels a lot of guilt by what he has done) please take care of yourselves and take the time inside to heal. thanks for answering my question. Link to comment
Klementine475 Posted February 1, 2004 Author Share Posted February 1, 2004 Hey there Chupa Chup, Well, I think you know the answer to your question already, after a 5 year relationship he's bound to contact you at one point to see how you are, so until then instead of thinking of him and what is going through his mind (guilt), you have to concentrate on yourself and what you're feelings and thoughts are about the relationship and the breakup, try to think what you can learn from it and take with you, if you focus on yourself during this time of no contact you will learn so many things about yourself and in as time passes you will start feeling stronger so when he does contact you, your mind and not your heart will deal with him. During the first month of no contact all I could think of was what he's up to and whats going through his mind and that perhaps he'll miss me and regret what he's done, but these thoughts got me no where and only got me upset and I realised I wasn't focusing on my life and what would help me and make me happy, so slowly I started focusing on myself and it all turned out for the best and I hope it will be the same for you. Just try to think ratoinally of what you two went through and how you can make something good out of it on your own, because trust me you can, all you need is to want to. Good luck and we're always here for you. Link to comment
suzsmith123 Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 Yes! I am right where you are...and I was feeling so bad for 18 months - trying to save a relationship - be everything to this guy. He knew I would NEVER leave him. Until the other day when I finally said ENOUGH. I do not want to be with someone who on December 29th said we were headed toward marriage and then dumped me 13 days later...so after several begging, crying phone calls and finally wrote this email to him don't know why I call you. I've looked to you for two years for support, love and acceptance and you have never been there for me. Never. "You came to NYC - I helped you build a life here, I was unconditionally supportive and caring even when you broke my heart and ripped it to shreds, were completely insensitive and actually helped fuel many of my insecurities....and I wonder - how could I put myself through this time and time again for you? What kind of an idiot am I? I am slowly coming to understand that you could never give me the things that I want.....you are completely emotionally dishonest but I so wanted to believe in you....and you strung me along for two years. Just like Nicki - just like I always knew deep down that you'd do to me. Chris, if I ever call again I want you to hang up the phone. I do not want to EVER speak or hear from you again. EVER. I cannot be a friend to someone who on December 29th told me that we had made progress toward marriage and then dumped me 13 days later. You have no idea the kind of hurt you dumped on me. If this is what love has to offer me - I'm better off alone You have given me one gift - I'll never let anyone unhinge me again. Now give me another - and never communicate with me again." And the bond was broken! I feel better than I have in so very long - I feel strong and in the middle of everything in my life falling apart - I am detaching and feeling SO great. I never want to see or hear from him again - something I thought would break me has turned me into a force to be reckoned with.... I'm 35 - hate my career - no man in sight and I want kids.....and all of that might not happen now...but you know what? I feel great - I've got a niece who is two - that I adore - friends who have been so supportive of me during this time (even though I practically abandoned them for the boyfriend) and a healthy family...and I'm damn cute (self esteem is coming back) and you know - life is too short. I just want to love myself and devote my time and effort to the people in the world who give a damn. What an amazing turn around from last week when I was crying my eyes out. Just wanted to share - the original poster made me feel pretty good..... Thank yoU! Link to comment
david2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 hey, i am in hell right now but thanks for those words, i will try to keep going. well done! Link to comment
suzsmith123 Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 It gets easier...nobody is worth this amount of pain. Take it back - make this about you and tell her/him to never speak to you again. It will turn the tables and make you feel powerful. Soon you will forget and before you know it - somebody new will come along - maybe that somebody is you! Link to comment
suzsmith123 Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 I also like to say to myself: "the extent to which I care for this man is the extent to which I dislike myself"....and it is true. If someone doesn't treat you right, and you let it happen, what does that say about you? Link to comment
EclipseXkim621 Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Thats an great post. congrats Link to comment
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