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End a friendship over a simple mistake?


tru8lue

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Background: I have this friend who i'm also 'casually dating' right now. We are going out and just gonna see where it goes. I met her almost 2 months ago. She's in her late 20's.

 

I had a date with my friend last night to watch a show. We had dinner before hand, where she started to talk about our plans this Saturday. I realized that I had made a mistake when I made plans with her for Saturday because it was my best friend's birthday weekend.

 

I apologized to her and tried to re-schedule with her for Sunday. She said that Sunday was good, but: she was REALLY upset about my mistake.

 

Anyways the rest of our dinner was ackward, the show was ackward, and even our goodbyes afterwards where ackward. I asked her if she was ok, and she just said "i'm fine!".

 

Well it turns out we where both going out dancing that same night as well at the same place (salsa dancing). When I got there...I decided to just leave her alone and give her her space. I avoided her all night and hung out with acquaintances...she on the other had was all by herself that night.

 

Well it was around midnight and i had to go home to get up early the next day. She stopped me in the lobby of the club and asked me what I was doing. I told her that I wanted to go home because of work...well she asked me to dance and we danced a couple of songs.

 

We then went to my car together to 'talk'. This is what she told me:

 

-I felt rejected when you invited me and you uninvited me

-My friend warned me about not to mess with your type (dancer type)

-I don't want to deal with this bull*** anymore

-I don't take rejection very well (friend, bf, family, doesn't matter)

 

When we had our talk she got emotional and cried. She seemed very hurt. I on the other hand was surprised at this drama. We have gone out like 12 times and had great times together, I guess I don't really know her very well yet.

 

My question: Do you think she overreacted to my mistake? Is it possible that she has some kind of emotional baggage that's causing her to stereotype this new person in her life (me) as one of the other guys that may have burned her in the past?

 

I do feel very bad about my mistake, but I feel that it was caught in time for her to make other plans. I can see how she could still be upset, but last night it was almost to the point of having to end our friendship. I don't think this is very rational, we have had so much good so far and one mistake is going to hose it down the drain? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I like her alot and i'm trying to see if this is a red flag that I need to worry about if i'm gonna eventually get serious with her (platonic or romantic)

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She just one of those sensitive types, and it's possible that she "likes" you a bit more than she lets on. If you want to keep her in your "arena" then send her some flowers, a few more apologies and try to smooth things over.

 

Yes, she did over react but this is plenty common.

 

Red flag - naaaaa, I don't think so, she just a little sensitive that's all. Avoiding her that night probably didn't help, you were trying to give her some space but people tend interpret things differrently than how we intend.

 

"Is it possible that she has some kind of emotional baggage that's causing her to stereotype this new person in her life (me) as one of the other guys that may have burned her in the past?"

late 20s? We all have emotional baggage at that point and the majority of us have been "burned" at one point or another. Nothing new here.

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I told her that I avoided her on purpose to give her her space. In the past, I have been guilty of wanting to resolve conflict IMMEDIATELY because I hate being upset, but it doesn't always work when the other person needs to cool off. She knows this about me, i've told her.

 

I think she eventually understood why I did that last night. I told her how bad I wanted to sit next to her, but I felt like I would be smothering her and shooting myself in the foot.

 

We must have hugged for what seemed like hours last night...we couldn't let go of each other. She kissed me on the cheek for the first time.

 

It all seems like a fairy tale ending to a conflict, but i'm worried that there might be another underlying problem that might cause her to overreact in other situations. Well i'm pulling the trigger to soon, we will just have to wait and see.

 

Is flowers really a good idea? I'm skeptical of this.

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Standard girl behavior in my experience.

 

 

Standard operating procedure for women? LOL...

 

Well I just sent her a nice e-card, we live about 45 minutes away, and I dont' know her work address or home address to send flowers.

 

I think it would be better to send flowers some other time...just to be spontaneous and romantic...

 

She confuses me...I tried to plant one on her (on the lips last night) but she moved away. She later called me out on it and said 'friends don't kiss'. In my head i was thinking well 'friends don't lie around and cuddle either and hold hands!' (referencing what we did the other day when we went out) LOL...is this a sign that she wants me to ask her to be with me? Seems like she is being protective of herself and a real kiss might screw with her emotions. I'm starting to read through all these fronts she is putting up (or so I feel like I am).

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Definitely not on the same page with the status of your relationship.

 

This isn't as casual as you might have thought. This isn't just a friendship. There is romance and intimacy that is being described.

 

You need to decide if you want to act casual about this or take a step in having a more defined relationship.

 

Again... this opinion is simply based on what you described.

 

Her statement about friends don't kiss, should clue you in on this. She was testing your committment level with that one.

 

Good luck.

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Yeah, I wish she was more open with her feelings. She would never have revealed her crush for me unless I mentioned something. I backed off when she told me a month ago that 'she didn't want a relationship with the opposite sex'.

 

I don't know if she wants a relationship with me now, but I'm supposed to see her Sunday (possibly, I told her we can take a break if she needs it) so I plan on taking her to a nice secluded beach and have a 'talk'. We have definitely crossed the 'just friends' line...I feel like i'm in a romantic relationship with her (I still haven't kissed her yet though). There is a lot of chemistry between the both of us, and we are both exclusively seeing each other (although we never really talked about being exclusive). I think i'm gonna man up and call her out and see what she feels and wants. I wasn't up for a relationship immediately...but I think i'm comfortable enough to dive into it at this point.

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Wish me luck everyone! I hope everything turns out alright between her and I...i've been pretty bummed all day today about screwing up...it was an honest mistake...she's gonna have to accept and get over it if she wants something with me...and i'll be more careful in the future.

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