koreangelxp Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 hey just wanted to know if everyone else has problems with their SO moms or dads.... right now im dealing with it again... and its so annoying to the point i just dont even feel its worth being in a relationship with him anymore... i think his mom is jealous or something... its driving me crazie.... Link to comment
d24 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 my mum and my gf do not get along well at all. It just happens that sometimes, even if there is no apparent reason, that two people just aren't going to get along. my gf has tried to leave me several times over it, but I've thankfully been able to show her that it's me and her in the relationship and it really doesn't matter to me what others think, as long as we're happy with eachother. I don't need validation from my mother and I hope that your bf is the same. Just relax, it doesn't make him any less of a person - families are different, and if it doesn't work - leave it or work at it. Your chice.... but unless she's maing your life unbearable 24/7 I'd just ignore it Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 My ex's mum was a very difficult lady. I know I wasnt on my own with this opinion because other people found her tough going also which made me feel better. I realised that she felt the same about her son as I feel about mine. I love love love love love love love (theres not enough space to type all the love!) my son and want him to meet a lovely girl who makes him happy and they can set up a happy life together. I realised that his mum just wants the same for him, and, having watched him go through some failed relationships that had left him floored (yes guys do get hurt) she was trying to protect him by testing me. Once I had realised this, I befriended her by taking an interest in her hobbies. I have learnt more about gardening and container planting than I ever thought it possible to learn! and thanks to her, even though her son and I have broken up (he's the ex im on this forum unable to get over , I have some beautiful planters to look at out of the window. I know she tested me, and was right to, and I will do the same with any girls my son is serious about. I honestly think its a mothers job. Its weird that at first I was a bit afraid of her as I saw her as a strong tough woman because she was in fact very loving once she took me under her wing and I will even go so far as to say, I miss her as much as I miss him. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Letting go of your kids is always hard, even if they are an adult. Sometimes too you do not want them to make what you think is a mistake. It is up to the son however to defend you against the parent. Unfortunately if you yourself to do it you look like a b.... and it reaffirms their beliefs about you. If he will not defend you at anytime from an attack from his mother then maybe you are not meant to be together. I can only hope when I get to that stage of my life I can let my son go and not judge his SO out of turn. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 hey just wanted to know if everyone else has problems with their SO moms or dads.... right now im dealing with it again... and its so annoying to the point i just dont even feel its worth being in a relationship with him anymore... i think his mom is jealous or something... its driving me crazie.... My ex's parents were absolutley insane - treated both her and I terribly, and were just plain... mad. Whenever discussion of the new user-pays system for ambulances came on the radio, he'd go on a half-hour rant about how I should be paying for the BC my ex was on -, cuz user pays, buddy! (ftr I wouldn't have had an issue with it, not like it was any big deal, but saying that I should "pay" to "use" his daughter just made me die a little inside) (I was working at their family bakery, which btw happened to be pretty infamous - the food was fantastic, but all the customers were complaining about coming in to buy a cake and hearing my gf's dad screaming "you bunch of dumb c***s!!!" at the staff) Seriously though, who talks about their own daughter like that?! So yes, the issue of SOs' parents has come up in the past lol. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 thanks you guys for all the stories and advice... its just annoying... because most of the time my bfs mom and me get along.... i get along with his dad and his stepmother all the time they are just wonderful. its just she gets this attitude with my bf when he states he wants to spend time with me and is not going to come over and help her with something. We have been over her house for the past 3 weekends to help her with something, and just this last weekend it was her birthday (so of course we had to come over, which is no big deal). I just asked my bf if i could spend a weekend with just him and me this coming up weekend, (we only see each other on the weekends) and also explained that i feel like i dont get to spend time with him much cuz were always doing something for his mother. He said he feels like hes stuck in the middle and he cant make 2 women happy. i just think its cuz he cant grow some balls and stick up to his own daym mother. its just annoying, this is the second time she has done this, and its like if you truly dont like me, then just say it to my face and stop saying it to my bf and behind my back. Link to comment
TBE_1989 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I was very intimidated by my ex's mother. She was actually a very nice lady, she just had this aura of arrogance and intimidation around her that made me feel very belittled. She was also very hard on my ex and always criticised him so that upset me, although loooking back he may not have been the easiest son to rear, LOL. But still, yeah, she used to really scare me. Just try avoid her and if you must see her, try be as polite as possible. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I would say that it's not that she doesn't like you, more that it's that... was he by any chance a bit of a mommy's boy? (Not a pansy, but just, y'know what I mean.) Cuz if she's losing that, then yeah, she's gonna have a little trouble adjusting. I think the best advice would be to tell your bf to have a little chat to his mother (on their own), and explain that you're a big part of his life now and it's really important to him that he's able to have a decent amount of time with just you. ^^Take it for what it's worth, tell us how it works out. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 thats just the thing he has talked to her about 6 months ago about this.... and still she acts up and its just annoying... its like she gets mad when he says he doesnt want to spend time with her and helping her do stuff for her.... and then she says rude comments about me behind my back to her son when things dont go her way. he said he was going to talk to his mom again and whats going on with her and why she is acting this way again, but how many times do you have to tell this woman that he has a gf and he loves her and needs to spend time with her to make the relationship work?? i have never told my bf that he cant spend time with her or help her or anything like that... i just wanted 1 weekend with him cuz i havent been able to spend time with him much cuz were always over at his moms for the past 3 weekends. shes being selfish and not letting her own son live his own life. am i asking for to much?? i just think its better if i just dont go over there anymore and if she invites me over i just dont come and leave it at that. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 am i asking for to much?? i just think its better if i just dont go over there anymore and if she invites me over i just dont come and leave it at that. no and no... I'd not normally say this, but you may want to have a woman to woman while he's not around... It has to stop, because otherwise it'll mar all of his future relationships, she won't stop until someone else says something. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 my bf said that too like if he doesnt stop this now, no matter what girl he has in his life shes always going to ruin it so he wants to stop it now and talk to her about it cuz he doesnt want to lose me and he doesnt want her to put a break in our relationship. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 my bf said that too like if he doesnt stop this now, no matter what girl he has in his life shes always going to ruin it so he wants to stop it now and talk to her about it cuz he doesnt want to lose me and he doesnt want her to put a break in our relationship. There you have it, sounds like one of you will have to make a move. As to which one, only you two know who would be best, but whoever does it has to be understanding, resolute, *and* respectful when talking to, which can be a tough ask in a situation like this... Keep us updated, yeah? Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted September 26, 2008 Author Share Posted September 26, 2008 There you have it, sounds like one of you will have to make a move. As to which one, only you two know who would be best, but whoever does it has to be understanding, resolute, *and* respectful when talking to, which can be a tough ask in a situation like this... Keep us updated, yeah? well he talked to his mom, and he says everything is okay but i still dont think everything is okay... but i have made the choice not to go over there when his mother needs help on things around the house. so there you have it thats my update lol. Link to comment
Dragunov-21 Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Hope everything goes aright, I guess only time will tell Good Luck Link to comment
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