Need Support

[ccali78]

So it has only been 3 days of complete NC and I am having such a hard time. I want to contact him. I feel so weak... Had he not left it with I love you it would be easier. I keep thinking of all the bad things in our relationship and how if he wanted to we could have fixed them. I miss the person I fell in love with.

 

I know that person is not the same person that broke my heart and left me, but I am using every brain cell to make my heart not act out.. I hate this...

[CallingAllAngels]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

Remain strong and don't contact him. You will only feel worse if you do.

 

My best...

 

~Allie

[keefy1972]

I just read your history with this jerk, and to tell you the truth, I think he needs more than AA. I think he may need some real therapy. His last text is very manipulative and uncalled for. In fact, I think all of his contacts have been cruel and uncalled for. You deserve so much better than to feel like this.

[kuhl282000]

You have a ways to go yet ......I hope I'm wrong 100%

 

Hope he comes running back into your arms tomorrow .......its been three months for me now ......and I feel the same as you .........

 

I keep thinking of all the bad things in our relationship and how if he wanted to we could have fixed them. I miss the person I fell in love with.

I'll Ditto That for sure ..........I love happy endings, go get him if you love him.

[ccali78]

So I did ok last night and was so proud of myself. Than I had dreams about him all night. It was dreams of me trying to figure out to get him back. I woke up this AM and I sent him a text message. I only made it 3 days with NC. This is so hard.

 

He has not responded but he is a few hours ahead of me. All I asked which was dumb was "How is the dog doing at your brothers?"

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Cali, what do you want, really? Do you want your 'fix' of contact with him, or do you want a happy and full relationship with someone who loves you and gives you what you want and need?

 

It is OK to fall back into contact with him, but then what? Does he have what you want and need, is he capable of giving it to you? Does he even understand what is important or want to live in a way that will promote a healthy happy relationship?

 

Addictions come in all shapes and forms, and you have to look at anything in your life and ask, 'is this a postive and appropriate thing for my life?' Is he positive and appropriate for you? Is he a person who will help you meet your goals and live a happy and stable life?

 

Or are you just addicted to him, needing a 'loneliness' fix, and lacking in the self esteem and discipline it takes to get what is healthy for yourself?

[Steve 7745]

The secret is to have hot jungle sex with a gorilla. Once you do, you just can't go back. See picture for details.

 

Seriously though, letting him be able to contact you is going to get you hurt again. It would probably be best to block all his attempts to communicate with you. Block out his phone number, his texts, his emails. Just don't respond. If he starts pushing your buttons, then elevate it more and flat out tell him you don't want to speak to him anymore. He says he loves you, yes? But he doesn't live up to his words. Two people could love one another and never say it their entire lives. They express it in their actions, in what they do for one another. Americans are so used to saying it, instead of actually living out their words.

 

Good luck. By the way, the gorilla has a brother if you need me to hook you up.

[ccali78]

Honestly.. I do love him... That is the hard part. I wish I could get over him but am finding it really hard.

 

How do you block texts from coming in on a cell phone and can you completely block the number? I honestly think that would help me tremendously as I am not strong enough not to contact him.

 

He texted me with a very vague response back and I ofcourse responded. So if someone can tell me if it is possible to block that would be great.

[keefy1972]

Honestly.. I do love him... That is the hard part. I wish I could get over him but am finding it really hard.

 

C you just need to remember that you spent 5 years with this guy! 5 months now in exile. It is said that, on average, it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them after the break up. This of course is statistics, and we all know that statistics show that 80% of statistics are bogus.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

The important thing to remember is that you can't confuse tender feelings and longings for someone with the reality of whether the relationship is good for you or will work out.

 

You have to very clearly separate the fact the you can and will grieve and miss him, and the recognition that continuing to interact with him won't necessary change anything or make the relationship work.

 

So let the feelings wash over you, but keep yourself firmly anchored to the reality of the situation.

 

Go online and look at the features of your cellphone provider. Sometimes you can block people and sometimes not. you could also change your phone number, and not give him the new one.

[SingleAgain34]

Please be gentle to yourself and do not contact him anymore. Redirect those love feelings back towards yourself and try to heal. If he really wanted to get back together he would have contacted you by now. If he truly wanted to fix things, he would have done so instead he took off. Don't let him mess with your head with "I love you" - actions not words count more. Be strong, be brave and get back to yourself - take care of yourself -

[photogo]

I too been in complete NC from ex for about a week. She would call me and we would talk since the break up. Now, she haven't and i am like fcuk-____- oh well. Keeping my mind intact. Now I feel dumb for picking up all her calls. i know she misses me but DAMN, i regret picking up the calls. I suppose I am going to stop picking up her calls even if she calls from now on. It is worth it.

 

I thought of her like crazy yesterday...like she is a virus popping up on my pc screen hahahha even now I think of her.

[ccali78]

Yeah I need to do all these things. Everyone is 100% right. Now if you could shoot me in the heart please LOL....

 

I think it will be easy if he cannot contact me. I do well and than out of the blue I get a text and back at square one while he is out living his life. This is not fair and it is what I have been allowing. I am just sick of contacting my friends who wants to hear about him all the time.

 

I certainly do not want to wait 2 years to get over him.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Then change your phone number and don't give it to him... that is the quickest way to get someone out of your head, if they can't reel you back in every time they are in the mood.

[dead]

KUHL SAID: I keep thinking of all the bad things in our relationship and how if he wanted to we could have fixed them. I miss the person I fell in love with.

 

I cant put it any better myself. If someone really wanted to make a good relationship.....they would have worked to fix the bad things instead of just rejecting the situation. My point is this.....a relationship is like a temple......it requires 2 pillars to maintain it and if one falls away, one alone cant maintain it. Its a illusion to think so.

BTW, everyone i have some great information available for anyone who recently broke up. Its completely free and if you PM me, i will send it to you. The info has helped me alot but i cant post it up as i paid for it and dont want to be seen to infringe copyright.

[dead]

i also agree, you have to get a new phone number. I know its hard to completely let go but you must look after YOU now........see it as a power struggle in your mind, you have to reclaim your own mind territory.

[ccali78]

I wish I could get a new phone number. However I use it for work and that would be hard to notify all the people I work with internally and externally. As well I am on the board for a large Volunteer Organization and the Treasurer so notifying everyone of my new number would take forever. It sounds like an excuse. But they literally just printed the directory which for the volunteer organization was a lot. But if I am going to contact my phone company after work and see if they can block it. It is verizon so I think they should be able too.

 

I tried to do it online and it said I could not with my phone (I have a blackberry). So I am going to call them...

[keefy1972]

Changing your number, and informing all of those people that you need to, that seems like a lot of work for you. I would suggest that you simply ask him to respect you, and your need to move on, enough to not contact you anymore. Let him know that it isnt good for you to keep hearing from him. If he ignores your request, and doesn't respect your wishes afterwards, then that should make you angry and see him in a more realistic light. Not some hazy, idealizing of the past sort of thing that you have going on now.

[dead]

sure, i can see changing the number isnt feasible. I hope you can get that block

[ccali78]

And I have had this number for 10 years... That is a long time to have a number... Everyone knows my number... I think that would be more like a break up but if I have to I will

[Wotgorilla]

You can absolutely block cell phone numbers, I have added my ex's numbers to my account online, and it helps tremendously. My ex tried the friend thing on me last week after dumping me, and then tried to hide the fact that she had been cheating, she slipped, I found out, and then cut it off. NC forever with this one, a long nightmare is over.

 

Remember, it will be hard, but stay away, it will help you heal, and move on, as it is for me. You deserve the best!

[ccali78]

Thanks everyone for their support. I called phone company and I can block a number from calling me but not texting. As he does not call me and only texts this is a dilemma... I am really doing to think long and hard about changing my number. However I did get a text yesterday stating. That he is working on himself and pretty much in a round about way told me he will not be contacting to do this.

 

So I guess it was a win win for both. I thanked him this AM and believe that will be that. I feel good... I want to remember that I have my own life. I am free. And I am semi-young and pretty. I have a good job and am a really good person so I have a lot going for me and need to prepare for the next person. Not for the thought or hope of us.

 

There is no us. There is me and I am going to try and be happy with me. I will continue to post my progress and am officially joining for real the NC page. Also his birthday is in 13 days and I have made it my challenge to not contact him before than and after than. So everyone please help me do this....

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I saw once the suggestion that you get a second phone, even one of those cheap throwaways you buy at the market, and tell your ex you changed your number and give him the new number. then just don't look at the cheapy phone or use it. People rarely will try and call the old number if you tell them you have gotten a new phone and changed your number, they just assume the old phone is gone.

 

Or you could do the reverse... buy a new phone, and only give out the new number to people you want to have the number, and carry both for a while, but only check the old phone once every few days when you're feeling strong (so you don't get his texts interrupting you all the time). Then eventually everyone who you know will have the new number and you can get rid of the old phone.

[ccali78]

Bestrong the last may be a good idea. I think you can add a line to your plan for a reasonable rate and than cancel the other. I think my friend does it all the time to get new phones (I dont know why)... But I am going to check that out.