men who are infatuated: why?

[Caterina]

I don't watch professional sports, have no interest whatsoever, but in baseball, it seems for a guy to be an excellent batter, his average is around 30% or so, which means seven out of ten times this guy swings for the ball, he fails completely. But at 30%, he's considered awesome.

 

You're probably going to face rejection more times than not, but you should keep swinging until you make a good hit.

 

Good point, but it counters the idea that men like to be the hunters. THey like the chase, and I know by how much I like the chase, that I won't be appealing to the guys I ask.

[keefy1972]

There you go Cat, Doc isn't an average guy, so ...

 

Could you be allowing your past experiences dictate how you view your dating life? Has those experiences shown you that people in general don't understand you or is it just an overall fear that you won't be understood?

[Caterina]

Neither really. I relate to divergence from the norm more than anything. And that was a rather unusual way for Ian to respond to Debbie. I remember it took me back when I first heard it in the movie. Definitely not a typical response. And I'm intrigued by things that aren't typical.

 

Not a typical response, because its not a typical situation. I bet its a typical response for that situation. I want to see the movie now, I'm intrigued.

[keefy1972]

Good point, but it counters the idea that men like to be the hunters. THey like the chase, and I know by how much I like the chase, that I won't be appealing to the guys I ask.

 

Yes, men like to be "the hunter" but in this day and age, some men like safety too. Men are tough physically, but for most, emotionally we are scared to death of the pain that can't be fixed with medicine.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

There you go Cat, Doc isn't an average guy, so ...

 

 

Ya, I'm definitely a few standard deviations from the norm... in what direction I have no clue though. But I'm doing my best not to date until I'm done with school. It's been rather productive thus far.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Not a typical response, because its not a typical situation. I bet its a typical response for that situation. I want to see the movie now, I'm intrigued.

Oh you shouldn't bet on things like that. You'll go home broke.

 

See the movie for sure.

[keefy1972]

Athens? Oh boy, don't tell me UGA.... oh no...

[Caterina]

I'm not saying you should ask necessarily, just put yourself into positions where you'll get asked more yourself.

 

Thats the difficult part. How do I do that? I mean, one thing that has changed lately is that I just recently got a job with a lot more young, goodlooking men. So that makes me happy. Thats an improvement. I'm also thinking confidence is good...I'm getting better at that, but I've been there a week and no one has asked me out. Maybe I overestimate my beauty...there are a LOT of gorgeous women where I work, though. I do know that often a problem is that I freeze up inside if I know an attractive man is into me, or if I'm attracted to him.

[Caterina]

Yes, men like to be "the hunter" but in this day and age, some men like safety too. Men are tough physically, but for most, emotionally we are scared to death of the pain that can't be fixed with medicine.

 

I like men to be men, but I also understand that many manly men can be very emotionally sensitive in private and I'm often very empathetic to that. I know a lot of men are scared of the same things we are scared of...but I still expect them to be more manly than, you know, me. lol

[keefy1972]

Maybe I overestimate my beauty...

 

LOL! Im sorry, that line just made me laugh out loud.

[Caterina]

Ya, I'm definitely a few standard deviations from the norm... in what direction I have no clue though. But I'm doing my best not to date until I'm done with school. It's been rather productive thus far.

 

Just to warn you: you should probably try to pick from the pool of women at the university. You will never have so many choices of women as you do at the university level. At least thats my experience. When I graduated, my pool of prospects diminished significantly.

[keefy1972]

Doc, you should give Gainesville a shot. Great place and fantastic atmosphere.

[Caterina]

I'm not saying you should ask necessarily, just put yourself into positions where you'll get asked more yourself.

 

How do you suggest doing that?

[keefy1972]

Do you make it known to friends and colleagues that you are available? Many times a man wont ask simply because he assumes an attractive woman is taken.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Just to warn you: you should probably try to pick from the pool of women at the university. You will never have so many choices of women as you do at the university level. At least thats my experience. When I graduated, my pool of prospects diminished significantly.

I'm not scared of being alone. I've been single a long time and I think I'm more frightened of actually being in a relationship than anything else. I take it as a heavy responsibility. One day should I ever get involved with anyone, it will be my responsibility to take care of her emotionally, physically, financially... I have to be there for her whenever she needs me. And honestly, I'd rather not even put myself in that situation until I feel fully prepared. thereforee I'll aim at finishing school and establishing my passions and career first.

[Caterina]

Do you make it known to friends and colleagues that you are available? Many times a man wont ask simply because he assumes an attractive woman is taken.

 

I'm not really interested in any of the guys who have been from my circle of friends, but yeah, they know.

[keefy1972]

I'm not scared of being alone. I've been single a long time and I think I'm more frightened of actually being in a relationship than anything else. I take it as a heavy responsibility. One day should I ever get involved with anyone, it will be my responsibility to take care of her emotionally, physically, financially... I have to be there for her whenever she needs me. And honestly, I'd rather not even put myself in that situation until I feel fully prepared. thereforee I'll aim at finishing school and establishing my passions and career first.

 

And they say the future of this country is in trouble....thats one of the most intelligent things I've heard from the younger generation.

[keefy1972]

Friend of mine (my old roommate actually) graduated last year and now works at a bike shop in Gainesville. I get up there from time to time. But it's really not the booming metropolis you seem to imagine it is

 

No it's not imagination, nor is it a metropolis, but it is great as far as college towns go.

[Caterina]

I'm not scared of being alone. I've been single a long time and I think I'm more frightened of actually being in a relationship than anything else. I take it as a heavy responsibility. One day should I ever get involved with anyone, it will be my responsibility to take care of her emotionally, physically, financially... I have to be there for her whenever she needs me. And honestly, I'd rather not even put myself in that situation until I feel fully prepared. thereforee I'll aim at finishing school and establishing my passions and career first.

 

I can understand that. When I was in school, I felt the same way. Its easier for men b/c of lots of reasons. Women have less time to fit in for children, marriage, etc. When I graduated, three years went by and I noticed that all my friends and the people I grew up with who were women- were married. I started to want something serious. And I looked around and I was meeting a lot less men than before-- if I had known it at the time, I would have been looking for someone real in the university setting instead of flaking off like I did then.

 

Basically when I was ready: I felt like it was too late to make a good choice.

[keefy1972]

It's never too late to make a good choice Cat. I'm thinking you made a good choice because too many people allow themselves to be unhappy because they are alone. Yes, being alone can suck sometimes, but so can being tied down. The one thing that doesn't suck is when you have the feeling of being in love with someone. Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of choice in the matter of when and where that happens, but it will happen to you again.

[keefy1972]

I've been on the Gainesville state campus a couple times, although I don't think classes were in session at the time. Nice quiet place. But I suppose since I haven't made any friends in the city, I don't have much of a connection to it. I just go there for bikes and bike parts.

 

You got me there. G'ville is nearly a ghost town when classes aren't in session but it's a complete 180 when they are.

[Caterina]

It's never too late to make a good choice Cat. I'm thinking you made a good choice because too many people allow themselves to be unhappy because they are alone. Yes, being alone can suck sometimes, but so can being tied down. The one thing that doesn't suck is when you have the feeling of being in love with someone. Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of choice in the matter of when and where that happens, but it will happen to you again.

 

I definetly know that being in a relationship can be absolute HELL. And that being alone is preferable to that. But I definetly prefer a happy relationship to being alone. I don't mind being alone, but there are nights when I come home from a hard days work, and I just think to myself: wouldn't it be nice if my husband could hold me in his arms? Instead, I go to the gym and then come home to go to sleep.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

I can understand that. When I was in school, I felt the same way. Its easier for men b/c of lots of reasons. Women have less time to fit in for children, marriage, etc. When I graduated, three years went by and I noticed that all my friends and the people I grew up with who were women- were married. I started to want something serious. And I looked around and I was meeting a lot less men than before-- if I had known it at the time, I would have been looking for someone real in the university setting instead of flaking off like I did then.

 

Basically when I was ready: I felt like it was too late to make a good choice.

 

Oh, I suppose from a mathematical standpoint, if one thinks in probabilities, it's much better to grab someone while on a university campus. And perhaps that will happen later on, but I won't jump into a relationship now just because of probabilities. I have faith and all will come together with time and work. Regardless of how many apparent options there may be here at school, it would be unwise to rush dating just for that reason. I know I'd regret it.

[keefy1972]

I know exactly what you mean. For me, the worst day for this is on Sunday. Sundays can get lonely. All you're doing is getting yourself ready for the work week ahead and think about how nice it would be to have someone to go do whatever with. Instead, you slosh through the day, just waiting for Monday.

[littlestar]

So a guy you go on three dates with still isn't over you and is always calling, yet the man you knew for three years doesn't ever bother to pick up the phone?

 

Its just not fair.

 

Sure sign that a guy likes you: you don't like him. Sure sign he doesn't: you like him?

 

How can a guy who barely knows me be obsessed with me? Is my real personality bad, or something? Why don't the ones who actually know me do that to me?

 

I am in this situation myself and all i can say its always the way. You cant always get what you want, and what you do get isnt always what you want! SUCKS!!!