men who are infatuated: why?

[CaptainPlanet]

So a guy you go on three dates with still isn't over you and is always calling, yet the man you knew for three years doesn't ever bother to pick up the phone?

 

Its just not fair.

 

Sure sign that a guy likes you: you don't like him. Sure sign he doesn't: you like him?

 

How can a guy who barely knows me be obsessed with me? Is my real personality bad, or something? Why don't the ones who actually know me do that to me?

 

I'd say its because they know you, not that you are terrible or anything but as you get to know a girl her flaws become apparent. When you are just starting to meet her the most obvious things are the sexual things so you focus on that and everything else she touches turns to gold in your eyes.

 

Please don't be silly - sexual things includes a lot more than just dirty gritty horny sex it is also warm fuzzy nice loving things like in the movies.

[CaptainPlanet]

There is a girl in my training group at work who I swear is so cute I would marry her tomorrow if I could.

 

She worked in retail in a trendy clothing store, in hospitality and is studying finance at night school at the moment. She also used to be a teacher. She has the sexiest voice ever I could listen to her speak for hours on end about different types of paint drying and not get bored. She has a really dark tan and deep green eyes, her hair is also black which is a big selling point for me (I love European women). I know nothing about her and she is probably a horrible person but I don't know that so all I am seeing are the good points.

 

She also has a boyfriend but I am still definitely infatuated with her she gives me reason to want to go to work.

[psychoanalytical]

Well it depends.

 

If it's a once-off, it's probably him.

If it happens repeatedly throughout ur life, then it's probably you.

[D_Lish]

In my experience, when a guy is desperate, it's because he needs a woman in his life, and he probably thinks pretty highly of you, whether he knows you or not, to put control of his emotions in your hands. He probably doesn't feel good about himself, and wants to give that role to you; being with him raising his self-esteem. It's a poor reason to get into a relationship though.

 

 

I'd say the above was true, of men who are chasing numerous women at any one time - when it's a case of he's looking for anybody and anybody will do...

Yeah, that's desperate, needy...etc

 

But a guy who may be infatuated with 'one' woman and keeps chasing her, I don't see that as being because he is desperate and needy, or doesn't feel good about himself. It's showing an 'interest' and because he likes what he sees and he'd like to get to know her further, if given the chance...

Some men just don't give up that easy, hence the constant pursuing...

[Caterina]

i have this too, but i noticed it far more after college. i think it's because now every guy you meet is thinking you have a marriage/kids agenda after a certain age.

 

but i guess no one likes rejection so they end up pursuing you further like "haaaay why don't you like me?"

 

ironically, half of the time it's just to get your attention back in order to dump you. how petty.

 

 

Lol, all true. I had it happen a lot actually, in college. But I think its because the circle I was in was full of the marrying kind. I wasn't really back then, but I am now.

 

I can see what you mean by rejection.

[Caterina]

I'd say its because they know you, not that you are terrible or anything but as you get to know a girl her flaws become apparent. When you are just starting to meet her the most obvious things are the sexual things so you focus on that and everything else she touches turns to gold in your eyes.

 

Please don't be silly - sexual things includes a lot more than just dirty gritty horny sex it is also warm fuzzy nice loving things like in the movies.

 

There is a girl in my training group at work who I swear is so cute I would marry her tomorrow if I could.

 

She worked in retail in a trendy clothing store, in hospitality and is studying finance at night school at the moment. She also used to be a teacher. She has the sexiest voice ever I could listen to her speak for hours on end about different types of paint drying and not get bored. She has a really dark tan and deep green eyes, her hair is also black which is a big selling point for me (I love European women). I know nothing about her and she is probably a horrible person but I don't know that so all I am seeing are the good points.

 

She also has a boyfriend but I am still definitely infatuated with her she gives me reason to want to go to work.

 

Exactly. No offense, but I want to avoid men who will do this to me. Yet I always get them.

[Richy1985]

So a guy you go on three dates with still isn't over you and is always calling, yet the man you knew for three years doesn't ever bother to pick up the phone?

 

Its just not fair.

 

Sure sign that a guy likes you: you don't like him. Sure sign he doesn't: you like him?

 

How can a guy who barely knows me be obsessed with me? Is my real personality bad, or something? Why don't the ones who actually know me do that to me?

 

I know what its like to be in this situation and its certainly a frustrating one.

 

Have you ever considered spending more time with these people who claim to be in love with you after knowing you just 3 weeks?

 

It just might be the case that you start to develop feelings for those kinds of guys over time, but often this does not happen.

 

One of the reasons that people miss out on the opportunity for a great relationship is because they are far too picky in their selections, and are not very flexable when it comes to making some SMALL compromises because they end up never finding the "perfect" person.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating that one should just settle for the first person that comes along because of low self-esteem issues - I know from personal experience that doing that will lead to a lifetime of pain & suffering.

 

What I am saying is that you should always listen to your intuition - your inner voice, listen to what your body is telling you about a prospective relationship. Does it make you irritable and angry, or does it make you happy and energised?

 

But I am also saying you should not be too picky because you are unlikely to find the "perfect" person without making some small compromises that you know you can live with.

 

It could just turn out that one of these guys who are insane over you might just turn out to be the right one for you - if you allow him to get to know you, and you him.

[Caterina]

I know from experience that I can't help what I like, the same way I can't help what I don't like. I can't force myself to like someone if I don't. If I settle, then I'm always thinking about what else is out there. I don't think my issue is that I'm too picky because I usually give most guys a chance. I see what you're saying, though.

[Richy1985]

I can't force myself to like someone if I don't.

 

I know exactly what you mean. However the advice I mentioned above can also work against you as well. You can also start off not very keen on someone, and then end up not liking them at all when the euphoria of the honeymood is over, so it can work both ways. So, having said that its far more important to be picky and make compromises if you absolutely must than to be not picky at all - but you know this I'm sure. It also helps to know what you're looking for in a partner (which personally I don't).

 

Its just a shame we all fall for people who don't feel the same way. I believe this is quite a common situation in the dating scene.

 

The only other advice I can give you is to listen to your stomach when it comes to getting into a relationship with someone, your intuition is rarely wrong. Thats about all I can suggest.

 

Anyways, good luck finding a compatible partner.

 

Richard.

[bostonbruins24]

I think this is good advice ,was it just the fact that these guys were infatuated with you early on that killed your attraction or were there other factors[didn't like his looks,other aspects of his personality]?

[LBP]

Sometimes, I go into infatuation simply because it's an enjoyable thing to do. I am more aware than most that women rarely find it attractive, in the modern era, when a man throws himself wholly into his 'love.' I can understand that and, even, sympathize with it. I've been on both sides.

 

That said, infatutation is a truly intoxicating feeling. I recognize it for what it is. Just for fun, why not treat a girl like she's a goddess... Spout corny lyricism and smile broadly, with genuine good humor, every time you see her? I like to do this when I'm not in the mood for a relationship. For one, I can still indulge in my feelings... Second, knowing what I know about women, it precludes the trouble of ever actually becoming involved. So I get the best of both worlds. Just another point of view. Pepe LePew is a fun character to inhabit... Certainly, more enjoyable than that of Romeo or Valmont.

[Caterina]

I think this is good advice ,was it just the fact that these guys were infatuated with you early on that killed your attraction or were there other factors[didn't like his looks,other aspects of his personality]?

 

Well, I wasn't overly attracted to his looks but he got by if you know what I mean. The clinginess so early on really did it for me- I knew he wasn't aware of me, who I was--- that the whole doing everything for me thing was actually a doing everything for him thing. I didn't feel like he could ever even begin to undestand me. So, I was willing to get over the looks thing(he was short) if he had other things to offer, but I didn't think it was enough- combined with the desperate clinginess. I'd say it was the combination of all those things, because if brad pitt was clingy, I'd probably welcome it.

 

Sometimes, I go into infatuation simply because it's an enjoyable thing to do. I am more aware than most that women rarely find it attractive, in the modern era, when a man throws himself wholly into his 'love.' I can understand that and, even, sympathize with it. I've been on both sides.

 

That said, infatutation is a truly intoxicating feeling. I recognize it for what it is. Just for fun, why not treat a girl like she's a goddess... Spout corny lyricism and smile broadly, with genuine good humor, every time you see her? I like to do this when I'm not in the mood for a relationship. For one, I can still indulge in my feelings... Second, knowing what I know about women, it precludes the trouble of ever actually becoming involved. So I get the best of both worlds. Just another point of view. Pepe LePew is a fun character to inhabit... Certainly, more enjoyable than that of Romeo or Valmont.

 

I suspect this. I don't want this kind of fake romance. I want something real, I've had a man pick flowers for me- and it was real, I've been kissed under moonlight, and it was real. I've also had those same things and they weren't real, and I hated them and wanted to run away. We know, you guys may think we don't- but we do. I hate the lustful empty lies of infatuation.

[Caterina]

I have said it so many times but, one sure way to know that a guy isn't interested is if you are. And one way to know if a guy is potentially (if not already) interested, is if you are not.

[Manco]

Weirdly enough I get a lot of that too. Technically there have been tons of girls who liked me, but I don't really care for any of them. Very rarely do I get to meet the girl I really like and have her like me back. Happened not too long ago but then she left for another country the day after I met her LOL.

 

So it's not just you. Sometimes it sux and you just want take the next best thing but you just can't. You really can't force attraction. And I'm not talking about insane standards here...

[Luke Skywalker]

Very rarely I get infatuated with women. This year and last year that did not happen. The last time was back in 2006 and have a collection of threads.

 

I agree that the OP represents something symbolic, and perhaps there is some special connection felt that's not felt with any other woman and you feel you can be yourself and be understood and appreciated and you are giving that sort of warmth and acceptance. You want to suck some of that woman into your own personality like a loli-pop if you like the way she is expressing herself.

 

Anyway, it is two years ago, but some sort of heart-break occurred during the course of the time I knew that girl, and has resulted in a general detachent where I'm not as gun-ho about getting a girl as I once was.