Was I wrong? Am I doing the right thing?

[JSHRN]

After the past 2 1/2 months of Allison playing games with my emotions and our "relationship" I had enough. I waited all this time for an explanation from her as to what happened to "us" and she has yet to explain herself. After blowing me off (again) last week, I called her voicemail and basically said "if you want to be just friends, sorry, I have enough friends". She messaged me back and said she was "sorry" that I thought she was playing games. I haven't heard from her since. Obviously, we were going nowhere for the past few months but how does anyone just walk away from someone you supposedly "love". I have never been lied to by anyone like this before. How can she be so ignorant not to realize what she's done? Yes, I'm trying to move on.. I had hoped an explanatiuon from her would help me with my closure. I'm writing a letter now (with the intention of sending it to her). 2003 was an awful year and 2004 hasn't started out too good.....

[whatuk]

I know exactly where your coming from. Someone who I thought was my best friend was blowing really hot and cold with me. One minute everything was great and the next we would be arguing over nothing and she would go out of my way to hurt me. So when I asked her for an explaination I wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind because of some family and University issues and I really lost it with her she accused me of being a bully, and won't speak to me anymore which is ok but it also means I am shut out of that social circle and shut out of my Godson's life who due to the father leaving I basically treated like a son for over a year, which is what hurts the most.

[neallo82288]

You said

how does anyone just walk away from someone you supposedly "love".

Well, that is the only way to walk away. If they love you they feel that they just must go away, so not to hurt you, but that just leaves you dazzed and cofused. Sorry, but leave her alone and move on. Work on yourself and learn to forgive her, for you are extremely angry with her right now. Let her alone, because with you constantly contacting her, she will know that you are there and there is no need to rush back to you because you are there.

 

You said

I had hoped an explanatiuon from her would help me with my closure.

Closure is a need of yours not hers so you will not get the answers you are looking for. As long as you keep looking for answers then you will find more and more questions. Just let it be. Sometimes the answeers you seek are best left unsaid. Sorry, but she just can't answer the questions. She has told you it was over and that is enough closure. Why is it over, because she said so.

 

You said

I'm writing a letter now (with the intention of sending it to her).

STOP!!!!!!! Do not send this letter. Just leave her alone. This is the worst thing you could do possible. You have already told her what is in the letter, so leave it alone. Write the letter if you wish, but do not send it under any circumstances. Sending her thaat letter is vindictive and mean. She never meant to hurt you, so just forgive her and let things be. You will regret sending that letter once you have thought things out. So, save yourself the extra heartache and do not send that letter.

 

You said

2003 was an awful year and 2004 hasn't started out too good.....

Well, it is up to you to make the rest of the year your best one yet. You only hurt because you want to. The only pain is the pain we put on ourselves. If you work on having a better year, you will have a better year. Life is too short to feel pain. Life is what you put into it and nothing more. I know it sounds cliche, but " so what if she jumped out the boat, there is more fish out in the ocean of life".

[avman]

STOP!!!!!!! Do not send this letter. Just leave her alone. This is the worst thing you could do possible. You have already told her what is in the letter, so leave it alone. Write the letter if you wish, but do not send it under any circumstances. Sending her thaat letter is vindictive and mean. She never meant to hurt you, so just forgive her and let things be. You will regret sending that letter once you have thought things out. So, save yourself the extra heartache and do not send that letter.

I disagree with this statement. Sending the letter is not vindictive and mean if its done without blame as I mentioned to you before. You may not get a response, but you might if you leave the letter open to respond. If all you do is dump on her, then she will throw it away. If you leave it open for her to explain and list out her hurts then you are more likely to get something back.

 

This statement is interesting:

After the past 2 1/2 months of Allison playing games with my emotions and our "relationship" I had enough

Here's a new spin for you on this statement. Think about the possibility that she isn't the one playing games with the relationship - you are. After all, in her mind there isn't any relationship. You are just a "friend" to her. And so she's fine with it. The one who is analyzing the relationship to death and trying to find more where there really isn't - is you. That means you are the one who has to solve this and not her. Take the responsibility for the relationship from her and put it on yourself. Then YOU are the one with the power to heal things.

 

I don't mean to be harsh - just to show you another point of view on this. By giving her the responsibility for healing things you have left yourself powerless and confused. And thats a bad place to be. After all, she's out living life without a care in the world. So she's not going to be spending her energy healing you. You have to do that yourself.

 

2004 is going to be your year of healing my man. I GUARANTEE its going to be a whole lot better in December than it is now. Of course it started out lousy. Just because the calendar switches to January 1 it does not make the hurts disappear that existed on December 31. It will take time.

 

Focus on YOU now. Not her. Don't talk to her. It only hurts you more. And you have had enough hurt. Treat yourself with a little peace now and follow the healing steps. Hang in there JSHRN. It can only get better from here.

 

avman

[whatuk]

That is good advice, its natural to be angry, upset and confused in this type of situation or when any relationship ends but its best to move on because if you to contact her it stops both of you from moving on. Even if you don't know what it there must be a reason for her actions. Even though its so frustrating for you not to know why just keep busy and eventually the pain and anger will pass. Just don't contact her especially if your angry because its more than likely anger will get the better of common sense and push her further away, it happened to me and I am paying for it big time.