MALES - PLEASE, PLEASE ANSWER!!!!

[Princess777]

MALES - What exactly goes through your minds when you feel the need to stare at, flirt with, or just view on TV, an attractive female? Does it depend on anything in particular, or is it merely that you think they would be a potentially good sex partner? I am SO curious!!!!! Please Be Honest, this is a matter of my sanity here. I need to know whether or not your actions mean that you find this other person more attractive than your partner, that you'd rather be with them, that you're fantasizing but if ever given the opportunity you'd go for them, etc...... I need some help getting over my so-called "jealousy", it's ruining my life, by that I mean, I see it as disrespectful behavior when my husband talks unecessarily to other women, attractive or not, (I think a lot of it is he is just friendly to everyone, and I see some of it as a threat) or if he seems consumed by certain celebrities on TV, and I will try anything to get over this feeling of "betrayal". I know my husband loves me more than anything so why does this bother me????, and I'm not saying he does it all the time, or even more than the average guy, but the times I catch him doing it, just kills me.

[lunatic]

Princess777,

 

This is a touchy subject for a guy. Every man is different in the way he views women. I would have to say that when I see a pretty woman I think about sex right away. Guys are visual and we want to nail anything that moves. Now does this happen??? NO it never happens anywhere but in our minds. If you hubby is talkative and he gets caught staring at women then he is normal. Guys are really bad at hiding their stares and such. I guess the drool on our lip does not help either. LOL

Listen if you are that insecure then you have to evaluate why you are so insecure. He is your husband and you have him as a friend/partnet right?

Has he ever given you a reason to doubt him? If not then look inside you to figure out why you don't trust him. If there is more then PM me and I would love to give you the male point of view on things.

 

Think about what makes you feel this way.

Do some soul searching on your own.

 

Hubman

[akatoro]

Hey there.

 

Well, what goes through my mind when I see an attractive woman..?

First of all, I know that I have a "disorder", as some would call it, meaning that I go for their personality no matter what. If I see a kind girl laughing I instantly get interested unless I'm in a relationship. If I see a barbie-girl in tight clothes I think nothing of it.

 

But I can find myself watching TV just being interested in sex - not the person. Strange as it may seem, I never get this feeling when I'm out of the house, so it kind of depends on the person (as you said in your note already).

 

Perhaps if you find him staring at someone when you're out on town, just jump infront of him and cover his line of sight? Hug him just to make him think of you instead of that other one. If he's drooling infront of the tv, perhaps you could do the same and just stroke his arm and look into his eyes or such? Just try to get his attention because if you do this often enough, he might notice that you know where he's looking at and feel bad?

 

I hope it all works out for you!

//

Akatoro

[Heretic]

Well if you really want to know, I don't think about much.

 

I see a woman on T.V. or in a movie and think "She's hot!" or somthing along those lines and that's it.

 

It's not that I want a relationship with her, it's just I find her attractive. Eye candy really. It's basically the same stuff you think of whenever you see a hot guy on T.V. (ie. it's really different for every person)

 

Do you have anything to worry about? No. So don't worry.

[Princess777]

Hey, thanks you all, keep the answers coming, please!!! Some of it bothers me but there's nothing I can do about that, and I knew it was a touchy subject, I just really want all honest answers... cause it's difficult for me to deal with the fact that he would want to have sex with someone other than me, fantasy or not. I am going to do all I can to just accept it. Thanks again.

[akatoro]

Yes, Princess.

I know how it feels having heard, "Eminem is so hot!" "I could definitely imagine Aragorn/Viggo in my bed" "That singer has such a nice voice.. Some day I'll marry him and have kids with him" myself every other day.

 

My ex often 'forgot' my presense when we were out with her friends, and such comments really hurt.. I can't tell you about any good way to deal with it because some of us go into a relationship with hopes for the future, right? It's not a thing to kill time with as some people seem to think..

 

Perhaps you should tell him that it bothers you? I did but unfortunately I got the answer, ".. It's not like we can be together in the future anyways. I'll be moving abroad to work because that is what I'm studying for. And I'll most likely go to another country to study next year". Even when I hadn't heard from her in a while and wanted some closeness I could hear, "I'm so psyched about going to the U.S now! We had blabla in class and I wish I could go this instant". Suffice to say I've been crushed over and over again. I was weak and did not tell her how I felt about it because I did not want to be in the way. Was I really considered a boyfriend or a mere tool to have fun with till that time came? My guess is the latter..

 

I don't think that you'll get that answer though. From what you've told us, he does not seem to be such a person. And please do not think that all men are like this because we aren't. If you feel bad about this, you should notify him about it in one way or another, tell him what you feel and that you should be the only woman in his life.

 

Eventhough some guys like to watch porn and other women, most never think about cheating. And those who don't would prolly try to change if it really bothered their significant other.

 

I wish you all the best and that this works out for you.

Respectfully //

Akatoro

[Ash]

Fantasizing about celebrities I think is fairly harmless. There's a built in understanding that there's no way on earth that anything could ever happen, so it's completely removed from reality. He knows he doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell of getting anywhere. It's the same fantasy as landing the crippled air-plane, we're heroes, big, strong, virile, you name it. We do it for ourselves sometimes, just as a way of building self esteem. If, in our fantasy world, we're the classic hero type, it helps us build confidence in the real world to some extent.

 

I know that you're feeling a touch insecure right now, and maybe some of that feeling is making you react more strongly to your husband's friendliness toward others than you would normally.

 

Do I want to hop into bed with every attractive girl I see? No, actually. And very often, I admire them for a single attribute. That one feature is attractive, but there's no sense that it's attached to a real person. It's just a piece of a whole. When seeing wonder woman walk by, I can easily separate out the good part, have a pleasant thought about it, and not concern myself with all the details of actually meeting her.

 

I know it must be tough to take for you, because it seems like your guy is attracted to other people and not them. It's not true though. I'm quite sure he remains very enamoured of you, what he sees when a pretty girl walks by is not some feelings diverted from how he feels about you, it's an additional thing he feels. He thinks no less of you at all, she's an extra, once she walks by, not even really a memory.

[musicguy]

If I see an attractive girl on TV I think she's hot and all, but I know I'm nver gonna get her. As a previous poster stated, it's eye candy. As for flirting with other girls, flirting is harmless, some people flirt with others and may not even know that they are doing it, some people flirt and are very aggresive with it being quite noticeable. Guys and girls have fantasies If you are bothered by this, talk to him about it.

 

Musicguy

[slc333]

Hi

 

I think that watching a hot woman on TV is just fine as long as he's not rubbing your face in it. You know. Saying "Wow, she's gorgeous. I wish you looked like her." OR "She's way better looking than you." Or "So and so) looks just like her and she's totally hot."

Things like that are disrepectful I think.

 

But in general, admiring a girl on TV shouldn't bother you. There's no way in hell your boyfriend would have a chance in hell of getting her. So no worries.

 

Flirting in front of your partner is very disrespectful I think. There's nothing wrong with glancing at someone, or admiring someone with a glance. But if he is staring, and can't take his eyes off someone. And then he goes and talks to them flirting and casually touching. That is not appropriate in a "serious" relationship. Anyone who thinks that is appropriate has a lot to learn.

 

A casual glance or two is fine though I think. But it should be left at that if you don't know the person. If he flirts with girls he knows, that's a little less cut and dry. Again, it's not appropriate for him to ogle and stare at a girl he knows. That would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

 

All right.

 

Those are my thoughts.

[Princess777]

To all at enotalone:

 

Thank you so much for everything you have done for me.... I plan to take a break and think deeply about what I need to do about everything. I may or may not be back to enotalone, but I really, really appreciate everything everyone here has done for me. Ash, thank you for all your honest advice, it takes a special kind of person to be as honest as you are without worrying about what other people think. Should we never cross paths again, may the wind always be at your back.

 

Love and light to you all,

Princess777

[juno]

Great question!

We like watching women on tv or on the street but that doesnt mean we want to have sex with them. You women do the same just are more discret. Women know we like looking at them therfore they dress up sexy. A woman once told me..if I want to increase my self-steem I just put "the lucky pants" on and go to the mall.

 

But the issue here is that your parter is not respecting you and is hurting your feelings. Whenever Im with a woman I focus only on her and nobody else. If a beautiful woman passed just in from of me when I'm on a date then I ignore the woman passing by 'cause I know my date wouldnt like me to stare at her and I would feel akward if my date is staring at the men around when we are together. This is also a sing of lack of interest.

 

Tell him not to wander his eyes when he is with you, if he doesnt care about your feelings then be ready to face conflict. Luck

[feita101]

"This is a touchy subject for a guy. Every man is different in the way he views women. I would have to say that when I see a pretty woman I think about sex right away. Guys are visual and we want to nail anything that moves."

 

I'm sorry--but I just think this is rude, and defines the problem in its entirety:

"wanting to nail anything that moves" is blatent immaturity, period.

 

Women always have to hear men talk about this "Oh Men are VISUAL" nonsense--which is a cop out to hurt the feelings of a women you are with. The Visual thing has been wayyyy overdone-- We are all visual--women and men; but a mature man who cares about his partner, simply does not flirt in such a mean way--it is a manipulative cop out,-If a partner gives you a "I can't control myself" are to be avoided--because they hurt their partners big time. This is a growing up issue.

[beckerjean79]

I used to feel exactly the same way, but now I realize how much useless time I spent worrying about this subject! Stop focusing on him so much and focus on yourself. By worrying about yourself, I mean focus on your environment and how you perceive women. I am not a man, but I've learned that a lot of men see attractive, sexy women and they think of "sex" and this does not necessarily involve him in the act. Just as when you see a sexual ad, you obviously don't think of of something non-sexual. Start taking advantage of the "eye candy" out there for you as a woman. More times than enough, men don't really handle their girlfriends/wives behaving in the same manner as they do when it comes to staring, watching pornography, looking at sexual magazines. I realized that in order to free up my insecurity, that I must become sexually aware myself. I learned to appreciate female and male beauty alike instead of despising an attractive woman as soon as I saw her--after all, she probably is married/has a boyfriend and probably has the same insecurities as you. Once again, don't worry if your husband looks at other women (unless there are other problems int he relationship)! By making it an issue, it will never only make you more insecure. Remember: Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley(!) with a homely hooker. Obviously, there was an emotional gap somewhere in their relationship. No matter how beautiful you are, or if you looked exactly like those women on the television, you'd be sitting there next to your husband on the couch and he'd be doing the exact same thing that he's doing now...looking at women.

[revdeluka]

hello princess. when a man looks at a woman i will like you to know that he is really getting drawn to her. i will like you to know that we men imagine what the other lady's body feels, looks and even smells like. but read carefully, it is a mechanism set by nature to ensure reproduction. men need something that will attract them to a woman; and that is her body. but that doesnt mean that he has to do anything. women are attractive, youll have to agree on that. on the other hand, men arent as physically attractive as women are, no, they attract women by some other mechanism that only God knows what it is. so men look at women because they are attractive and naturally they feel drawn to look, but that is all it is, look. it is just a way to get mans attention the important thing is after his attention is caugth he will then begin to look for other qaulities, which will make him stay or leave. but i do agree that we should be able to controll our physical urges, besides, people control their natural urge to fart in public places just for courtesy sakes.