She called...

[Michael2]

My ex and I have been broke up for about 2 months now. Havent been in contact for a few weeks. She gave me a call on birthday. WE talked briefly, that next monday she called me again. I did not answer. Yesterday she called again and left me a voicemail saying she wasnt sure why I wasnt answering her calls, and that she would love to talk to me. I really want to talk to her, but it makes things so much more difficult. THe weird thing is she has a new boyfriend, yet she still continues to call me. I have been applying the no contact rule. How should I approach this. Thanks

[avman]

You are doing the right thing. If its too painful for you to have contact with her, then don't. You might just leave her a message telling her that its too painful to talk to her right now and leave it at that.

 

She might just be trying to remain friends with you. But until you are over her, thats going to be really difficult for you. Give it some time. Perhaps later in the future a friendship might be possible.

[JSHRN]

Michael.

 

I know this may be one of the most difficult things you've ever done, because you obviously still care for her. But, the reality is, you're in pain and the more contact you have with her the more painful the break is going to be. It took me a while to learn the "no contact" rule, but it really is the only option to keep your hurt to a minimum. It doesn't mean you don't still have feelings for her or that you're pretending that the relationship never happened - but right now it's going to be difficult for you to remain just friends with her. Maybe, you'll be able to in the future, but right now you need to focus on and take care of yourself.

[Michael2]

I messed up. I called her about 5 minutes ago. I guess she was away from her phone. I didnt leave a message, but after calling I feel somewhat defeated for some reason. Kinda shows how weak I am, and I know in the back of her mind that she knew I would give in and finally call her.

[cobro]

Man, that is the exact same situation I'm in. My ex called last week and left a voicemail saying she hoped to hear from me. It has been over a month since we talked, I have been doing the no contact thing. I too am in a tough situation, but only if I make it that way. The way I look at it, if I give in and call her back, I am putting myself back at step one in the healing process, and giving her the power over me, knowing that I can't go without talking to her and she still has me in her grip. Plus I have don't feel like small talk with someone I used to think was the "one". F that. And she has a new bf, so why would I call her, only to have her voicemail pickup because she is with her new bf? I am doing my best to get over her, and by calling her it wouldn't help, it would hurt like hell knowing anything about her and her new bf for that matter. I can't be friends with her now, maybe never! I think I might never talk to her again, and if I do it wil be a LONG time, like a year or more, and only if she calls me. If they don't understand why we don't want to talk to them then they are not worth our time. Good luck buddy.

[JSHRN]

Cobro.

 

When I read your post I thought I was reading about my own situation now. The woman who I thought was "the one" has been calling on occasion, but it just small talk. She never explained what happened to us -- she just walked away. Hard for me to talk to someone as a "friend" now when it used to be so much more. But, she doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She called last week and said "I hoped we could have lunch. I miss talking to you". Ha! What a joke! She walked out of my life, now wants to hang on as a friend? No thanks - I have enough friends! I'm still hurting and am doing my best with the no contact rule. I do slip up once in a while and answer her calls, but it's not the same with her.

[QTpie87]

maybe she is starting to miss you (the no contact thing and all) i don't know if i were you i would be all over that, but if you feel worse talking to her then either let her know, don't say anything , or don't talk to her for a while. if she wanted to stay friends would you want to? 'cause maybe that is what is going on. well hey pm me and we can talk if you want-k-

love Qtpie87

[ilinara]

Why don't you tell her that you don't want to talk to her for a while. She should not call you after that and she will not get frustrated that you even don't want to become a friend. She is over you it seems, has a new bf and is comfortable talking to you after the breakup.

[Michael2]

She just called. I told her that I couldnt speak to her and that I didnt want to talk to her ever again. That I needed to heal and that by talking to her it makes it even more difficult. She got very upset and mad at me. Calling me immature, and that she didnt understand how we couldnt talk every few weeks. She said that I needed to suck it up and be a man and talk to her. She needed my friendship. I told her I couldnt talk to her when she has a new boyfriend and that its too difficult. I said since we are never going to be together again, then I didnt see a point in talking.

 

OVerall all she didnt respect what I had to say.

[ilinara]

didnt want to talk to her ever again...

well that was a little harsh but at the end, you have needs, she has needs and it is normal that you first care for yourself on not for her.

[JSHRN]

Tough call here.

 

She just called. I didnt want to talk to her ever again.

 

That may be true but, right now, it's easier said that done. I give you much credit for taking a very important step in your healing process. My situation is very similar: she thinks she can just can just call me and we can "be friends" as if nothing ever happened. Sorry. The way I look at it once you have a history with someone, it's so hard going to being "just friends" with them. I miss the good times. We could have had a great friendship together. But, once you cross that line, it jeopardizes so much.

 

I'm sorry she got mad at you but that's HER problem, not your's. I think you've already "sucked it up and been a man". You're standing your ground - which is very admirable on your part.

OVerall all she didnt respect what I had to say.

 

That's too bad for her. I don't know why some exes think it okay and easy for the other partner to remain just friends? Sure, it does happen. But, why castigate and condemn us if it's part of our healing process?

 

Obviously, she moved on from you very easily, without much "grieving time". She's missing a good thing by not being with you, but you deserve better.

[Michael2]

Thanks JSHRN.

 

It was a very tough call. One that I hope I will never have to make again.

 

5 months ago, we broke up. Two weeks later she had sex with another guy. We attempted to reconcile. ( Word to the wise: If you ever break up with a girl/guy and they hop into bed with another within two weeks, move on and save your self a great deal of anguish)

Fast forward to a week before Christmas, we Broke up for good. Two weeks later she jumps into bed with another ( DIfferent then the first) guy. Anyone noticing a trend here?

 

I am not going to stand for that. This was a very tough step for me take, but her actions padded my sadness. After the breakup my damn heart was in over drive and she was controlling it. I was sad, upset , and disgusted at myself for allowing another to control MY world.

 

You are dead right, she thinks she can call me whenever she wants, whenever she finds it convienent. Well , thats not the way the proverbial cookie crumbles. Shes in bed with one guy, and expects me to be her emotional crutch. No way.

 

She is absolutely nuts in telling me to be friends with her. If the roles were reveresed I know for sure she wouldnt give me the time of day.

 

Up until this point, and I believe the same can be said about your dilema, our ex's really havent come to the realization that we arent apart of their lives anymore. They have another, that is currently filing in, acting as a bandaid. But we all know, you cant heal a broken heart or years of love with a bandaid. Remember, what goes around, will come around.

 

You are damn right. "Once a certain line is crossed" all things change. Man you cant say it any bettter.

 

She thinks its a piece of cake if we talk once in a while. Um NO! That isnt the way it works with the game of love. The thing is, I dont think she has grieved yet. And unfortunately the day will come where she will have to. And as upset, mad and heart broken I am, I wish she wouldnt have to. There are many good qualities about her, but she changed into a different girl.

 

In conclusion, one day I woke up and thought to myself; life is too damn short. How can I really allow another to control who am. I kept asking myself how I could let a girl who has destroyed me make me feel horrible. Dont get me wrong, my emotions are still on a rollarcoaster, right know I am in the anger phase ( in my honest opinion ten times better then the grieving and sadness phase). I can't wait till I find the right one, until then I will heal myself and prepare for the future. Take care JSHRN and good luck to all of those in the hell... or what life refers to as "BREAKUPS".

[Archivist]

Man your situations are just like mine! My ex wanted me back after 2months but then decided someone else would be a better choice for her. And she still messages me on msn, calls and texts me. Before i thought i could handle it since i do see her quite often, but now i realised, i was lying to myself, she said i was the "one" i thought she was too. Its been a few days shes shes last contacted me now, i think some of it is because i haven't replied her last text messages and when she messages me online i make out i'm busy and then i just log off evenutually. I dont know what i should do now, i think i'll just leave it until she brings it up or tries to contact me again. I would have been able to be friends with her after some time, but why the hell did she contact me again to show regret and then decide she'd go with someone else whos more "convenient". That really hurt and i seriously dont think she understands fully how much it hurt me, or maybe shes trying to help me get through it. I dont know but i'm going to deal with this my way and thats with as little contact as possible at this moment. I hope everything works out for you guys! be strong, we'll get through this.