Have I healed?

[jojesse]

I've been trying to move on from an ex for a long, long time now - going on 5 years (first love). I've been working on letting go for so long that I don't even know how to properly assess whether I've done it. However, I think I've reached a point of resolution this past week and I think I can finally say, I've moved on. Here's where I stand:

 

1. I no longer feel sadness and anger over the things he did that hurt me.

 

2. I no longer feel the need to give to him/make him happy.

 

3. I no longer feel the need to impress him/change for him (and I realize that the fact that I did feel that way during the relationship means it wasn't healthy)

 

4. I no longer feel the need to talk to him/share my thoughts and emotions with him.

 

5. I no longer feel to desire to work for his love/win him back. (I think this was really key for me).

 

6. I no longer feel REGRET over my actions and no longer asking "what if?" (This is a milestone that only came this week).

 

7. I wish him the best and hope that he finds true love one day.

 

So, it seems, I'm doing pretty well and almost done with purging him from my heart. However, I feel in the pits of my stomach that I will always love him for who he is. I will always think he is special, always think of him dearly and always care about him. Also, I will always cherish the memories of the good times we shared. Most importantly, I still think I want to be friends with him. Even though I know I can put him out of my life, I don't want to. Does this mean I'm really still in denial? I've been through these mind games with myself enough times to be wary. I just don't know.

 

Given all of that, do you think I have healed?

 

Do you think the fact that I still want to be his friend mean I'm really not over him but just in denial?

 

How do you know when you have truly healed?

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[cs90453]

I think that you've healed. You're obviously going to feel things for someone that you've spent alot of time with in regards to caring for them. I think that by wishing them all the best, means that you've been able to let go of the things that hurt you directly and IMO that's a very healthy approach.

[Butterflygrl]

Okay I have to answer this because I remember my first love break up was similiar to this. Which I handled WAYYY better than the break up I'm handling now (and I was younger too!). I really really really loved him. long story short, he cheated on me i found phone bill- we fluttered for a bit after that and then i had to break it off because i couldn't deal with it. we parted on decent terms but i was devasted. I sat in my room and cried and listened to sad songs. then a few months later, someone told me that he was getting married and i was like WHHHAT? i saw him and said, oh i heard you're getting married and you didn't invite me? and he said, you want to come, i said sure

and he sent the invite- lol. And that invite went promptly in the trash. anyway, fast forward over ten years later with nc and i found him on facebook- didn't know if that was him and he writes back "Funny, you should write, i was thinking about you the other day" That floored me. He was thinking about me that many years later. Found out that a year later when he got married she divorced him. (she cheated on him-KARMA baby). You know i loved him so deeply and i still care for him. It's not denial it just means that what you felt was him was real and true love never ever dies. It stays locked up in the corner somewhere and sometimes it comes back out and sometimes it doesn't-but it's always there.. I don't know what i would do if i saw him face to face though. He lives in Cali so--I theres no way. I loved that man like nobody's business. But i was immature and possessive and jealous but dang it I was only 17. But i had a reason to be, he cheated on me.