How can someone move on so quickly?

[yankeefan74]

I don't agree.

 

I think most women would want a man to ask her to marry him because he wants to spend the rest of his life with her as opposed to asking her to marry him because he doesn't want to face the prospect of being alone. In the first case, she'd feel wanted, loved, and respected. Asking out of fear of losing someone - it's basically "well, we were together a long time, and i guess if this is what it takes to keep you, then marry me." How is that love?

 

Dude had 7 years. How long was she supposed to wait? I'm not trying to beat him up, but it's not like she pressured him to marry her a year after they got together, he said no once, and she took off.

 

I think sometimes we get caught up in movie/tv love, rather than real life. Often times, what breaks a couple up isn't the big stuff - money, cheating, drugs & alcohol, etc., it's just the little things that prove over time that someone is not listening to the other person, not taking that person's wishes and feelings seriously. Then it's a "shock" when there is a breakup.

 

Real love takes work, sacrifice, and communication. At least, that's how i see it.

[JadedStar]

Some people do well with their rebounds. Sure he is a rebound but whether they will fall apart or not remains to be seen. Sometimes, and I know t his hurts godwin, we just are not compatible with someone even if we were with them longterm and we can find osmeone we are compatible with and feel a connection right away. It might not last, but no one here knows that, so those who are saying it won't last can't really say that with any guarantee.

 

Church going was a big value to her as was getting married. When something is huge for a person if they settle for less they will always feel unsettled if you know what i mean. he might fulfill the things that she was missing and who knows, they might pull it off. I don't say this to hurt you, rather i say it to MOTIVATE you to work on yourself and when you are ready for another relationship decide what are your critical must haves and make sure you get them in your next mate.

 

To be honest we cannot fault her here. If getting married was one of her big goals - and who are we to judge that - then she had every right to feel her relationship with you was going nowhere. If in seven years a man has not asked a woman to marry him and really means it chances are its never going to happen. She was smart enough to realize that and smart enough to get out and find a person who more closely matches her needs/goals. I find absolutely nothing wrong with that.

[Godwin]

I agree, in the most-part she has done nothing wrong. I just wish she had finished with me earlier so I could have gotten on with my life. Or given me a second chance instead of moving on in 4 weeks.

 

I was not THAT adverse to getting married, I wanted to be sensible and buy some property first. After that I saved for an engagement ring but she fell ill for 9 months and I had to use the money to pay her bills. I was saving up again when she finished with me.

 

I have learned my lesson though, I have learned a major lesson. One I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I have also changed considerably in the last 3 months, I have had a real epiphany in my life and have changed due to that reason.

[Steve 7745]

I agree, in the most-part she has done nothing wrong. I just wish she had finished with me earlier so I could have gotten on with my life. Or given me a second chance instead of moving on in 4 weeks.

 

I was not THAT adverse to getting married, I wanted to be sensible and buy some property first. After that I saved for an engagement ring but she fell ill for 9 months and I had to use the money to pay her bills. I was saving up again when she finished with me.

 

I have learned my lesson though, I have learned a major lesson. One I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I have also changed considerably in the last 3 months, I have had a real epiphany in my life and have changed due to that reason.

 

You know... I remember reading in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus that women 'keep score' differently from men. Men might save money and buy some amazing car for her and think, "zomg, this is worth like 10,000 points!!!" But in reality, it's just worth 1 point in her mind. The same value of, say, wishing her a happy birthday, giving her a back rub or getting her flowers. The only way you could "rack up a huge score" is by investing lots of time in her, and not money.

 

Maybe you should have just talked to her about getting married. If she asked, you could have told her straight up that the money for her ring went to pay her bills, because it was more important to have her in your life then hold onto a moment that might not have happened otherwise. There is NO shame in this.

[Godwin]

EXTREMELY interesting points and sooo true as far as my experiences go.

 

I used to pay for her to on holiday/vacation ALL the time, I am talking Egypt, Japan, Barbados, Cuba etc this was despite the fact she earned far more than me. Did she thank me. NO, she moaned at me for not buying her flowers and buying her drinks when we were out.

 

Another lesson learned... Concentrate on the SMALL things in a relationship.

 

Aaaaah if only I had hindsight.

[keenan]

EXTREMELY interesting points and sooo true as far as my experiences go.

 

I used to pay for her to on holiday/vacation ALL the time, I am talking Egypt, Japan, Barbados, Cuba etc this was despite the fact she earned far more than me. Did she thank me. NO, she moaned at me for not buying her flowers and buying her drinks when we were out.

 

Another lesson learned... Concentrate on the SMALL things in a relationship.

 

Aaaaah if only I had hindsight.

 

There's a lot of truth in this. My ex easily earned four times the salary of my current guy (who is himself a well-paid professional) and he spent his money on me very freely: Cars, expensive jewelry, spa treatment, European and Caribbean vacations. Lots of flash, lots of charisma, but lots of bad moods, a reluctance to have a family, and a pretty significant mean streak. My new guy is far from stingy but he's definitely more responsible with money. His gifts are much smaller but they are SO thoughtful, personal, and loving that they more than make-up for any perceived difference in material value. But it's not just monetary gifts that I'm taking about! What I really love is the way he treats me on a daily basis--kind words, hugs, back rubs, emotional support, asking how my day was, valuing my friends and family, supporting my career, and consistently making it very clear in word and deed that he loves me and wants to be with me. He's never once suggested that he feels anything other than totally committed to me and to our relationship. With a guy like this, anything from opening the car door for me to taking out the garbage feels like a gift!

[Godwin]

I guess at the start I was like that, flowers, choclolates, gifts ALL the time, I even made her a Valentines website instead of a card. Just as it was a bit different.

 

As time went on I became more obsessed with the value of gifts, dont get me wrong I used to treat her good, I done almost everything for her. But sometimes I know she craved me taking more of an interest in her values, job, family and friends.

 

That's where I went wrong, I thought holidays, larger gifts etc were the answer. THEY WEREN'T Flowers and a cuddles would have been appreciated more.

 

She was far from perfect though and could have been kinder/more supportive to me. Not once did she ask about my job, tidy up, or cook dinner. It was straight onto the couch and the TV on. Not great considering we never even lived together.

[keenan]

Not once did she ask about my job, tidy up, or cook dinner. It was straight onto the couch and the TV on. Not great considering we never even lived together.

 

In 7 years? Wow. Relationships are definitely a two-way street. I wouldn't expect to have a good relationship if I didn't put in as much as I got out.

 

Next time find yourself a nice girl and focus on consistently supporting her in non-material ways. Who knows, you might be married before your ex!

 

Good luck.

[JadedStar]

I agree, in the most-part she has done nothing wrong. I just wish she had finished with me earlier so I could have gotten on with my life. Or given me a second chance instead of moving on in 4 weeks.

 

I was not THAT adverse to getting married, I wanted to be sensible and buy some property first. After that I saved for an engagement ring but she fell ill for 9 months and I had to use the money to pay her bills. I was saving up again when she finished with me.

 

I have learned my lesson though, I have learned a major lesson. One I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I have also changed considerably in the last 3 months, I have had a real epiphany in my life and have changed due to that reason.

 

Well she probably feels the same in that she feels you kept her hanging on too long too. Maybe you were unkowningly doing things that made her think marriage was soon on the horizon so she stuck around. I am sure she also feels seven years of her life was wasted and that is probably the VERY reason she is moving on quickly. She feels she is making up for lost time. I don't advocate that strategy, but i understand the whys as to why she is doing it.

 

Not sure how old she is but women truly can have a biological clock that starts ticking when they yearn very strongly to get married and have children. And that is not entirely a bad thing because the longer they wait to have children the more risks for an unhealthy birth develop. This is probably an instinct inside of women for good reason. Now i dont mean women in their 40s cannot have healthy children but there are far more risks when you wait. No one can deny that.

 

I would assume if you are 30 she was close to it as well and that is when the clock starts ticking loudly for some women.

[Godwin]

I would assume if you are 30 she was close to it as well and that is when the clock starts ticking loudly for some women.

 

She'll be 30 shortly, in two months.

 

In 7 years? Wow. Relationships are definitely a two-way street. I wouldn't expect to have a good relationship if I didn't put in as much as I got out.

 

Next time find yourself a nice girl and focus on consistently supporting her in non-material ways. Who knows, you might be married before your ex!

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks, I will have my day again, hopefully soon. One day I will look back and laugh and wonder what all the fuss was about. My next girl is going to be treated like a queen.

 

I have learnt SO much from this, and I am using this forum to now learn from other people.

[desi1987]

If you have more pride than love for her, maybe she made the right choice.

 

THats hard to say. If someone left you emotionally and physically and lied while doing both...i mean it is a hard thing to ask someone to swallow their pride..very hard.