Cant walk away from the train wreck...

[TallOne]

Hello all,

A friend sent me to this site, I liked what I saw and decided to join and give it a try as I am having some difficulty with love and friendship at present. As with anything I believe that you get out of things what you put into them, so here goes.

 

I met a girl on the internet. It was a long distance relationship. We exchanged emails, pictures, phone numbers, etc. and started a friendship and coincidentally was planning to relocate closer to me to attend to school. Just before she was scheduled to leave to come down, her life disintegrated. She was brutally attacked and almost killed. The details are horrible and I will not go into them. She ended up trying to kill herself, and was committed for psychiatric evaluation and treatment. I started to talk to her best friend as will happen under these circumstances. Her best friend told me that she had just slept with my friends ex-boyfriend the weekend she was attacked and he wanted to tell said it was a bad time and they should wait a bit for the benefit of her mental state. I also must admit that the voice in the back of my head was yelling "RUN, RUN Far and fast and don't look back!" The ex boyfriend told her what happened. I decided that it was not the best time to walk away from this girl and that I would stay on as her friend and keep in touch. I would try to remain a positive influence in her life. She started to recover, and at the same time began to fall in love with me. She told me that I had saved her life. That I had given her the strength to escape from her attacker. That she was in love with me. This made it harder to walk out, and as time passed and she progressed through recovery, I actually began to believe that she was capable of making a full recovery. That she would be able to put all the bad things behind her. She constantly called me, and would talk about the first time we would meet. The time came for her to get on a plane. The ex boyfriend swooped in and intercepted her before she could get on the plane for the flight. He manipulated her. He seduced her. She called me and told me that she was in love with him. She says she still loves me, but is with him. They are together now. The ex boyfriend part took less than 48 hours. The Treatment was about 70 days. She still wants to be friends. When I try to pull away she cries and tells me that the friendship must not have meant very much to me. I still want to be friends, but I feel betrayed and hurt by her actions. She keeps calling me saying she wants to help me, that she still cares, that she still loves me, and does not want me hurting, or angry.... um yeah. I know that I dodged a bullet in terms of a serious relationship, and that her ex (now current) bf is going to have a lot of work ahead of him.... That ultimately I do not need to be jealous because their relationship is probably doomed, just as any I would have had with her would have been.

So now for the question.

She keeps calling, and I have trouble not answering. I want to keep the friendship alive, but she killed off any trust I had for her in the way that she betrayed me. In sleeping with him without breaking it off with me first, in letting him disrespect the friendship in his manipulation of her. I cant talk to her without getting angry at the moment because it is still fresh. I end up hurting her with my words, when I do. I tell myself I am trying to be a friend, to open her eyes so she can see what she did, how she hurt me, so that she will not do it again, to someone else that is "important" to her.

I am hoping that in time the pain will fade, that the anger will wane, and we will be able to talk civilly again, without the hurt. Share again those common interests that cast the friendship in the first place, without my sanity being fractured.

So In the words of The Clash..."Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

I appreciate your feedback

Thanks

[coyote1980]

He has a bf now. I wonder what his bf would think about you guys talking constantly. It's only benefitting her. not you or her bf. I think you should tell her that she should talk to her bf instead.

[Hollyj]

Go, go go! Why would you want to be involved with someone you can't trust? Also, it doesn't seem as if she has any concern for how she treated you. She now has a boyfriend to fulfill all her needs.

[TallOne]

Well seeing as I was the bf when he bedded her I am not exactly sensitive to what he thinks about us talking... sorry for the jealous response, but it is honest.

[coyote1980]

either way, you don't wanna keep talking to someone who hurt you. Maybe you should talk to her about your problems on the phone next time for hours and hours and see if she likes it