Am I crazy?

[forsaken]

I been with this guy going on two years. He's a really nice guy I mean we do have our ups and downs but over all he never disrespect me he doesn't cheat on me and from what he says he really does love me. But I don't know if I really love him. See before him there was this guy, and I really believe he was THE GUY. I gave my heart to him with no questions asked he was my everything. But I dont think he felt the same for me because after being with him for six years he just left. And there are no words to explain how that made me feel. All I know is some days I just felt like giving up on life. I felt there really wasn't a need to live being that the one person that I lived for doesn't want me. I'm still here as you can see because in the mist of my relationship with the guy, we had a baby together. I thank God for my son because he is the real reason I am still here today. I still cry myself to sleep at night or when I here the phone ring pray to God that its him on the other end. I miss the sound of his voice I miss how he made my worries vanish. And I feel guilty when I go to bed at night with a totally different guy and wish that he was the one who has my heart. I hate myself. I know thats a harsh thing to say but its true I hate myself for not being who he wanted me to be. I think I've hated myself for as long as I could remember but when I was with him it really didn't matter that I wasn't perfect because he loved me at least thats what I thought. Its been over two years now and it still hurts like it was yesterday. somebody help me. I need to get some kind of control over my life. I need this pain to go away because it hurts too much. He's married now. talk about adding insult to injury. I thought he wanted to be alone why didnt he want me. I hate her for being what I couldn't. do you think he will ever come back...

[SwingFox]

Hi Forsaken,

 

I feel that there is a lot of anger inside of you, even after two years. I wonder if you ever had 'closure' for yourself. When you broke up did you have a chance to let out everything and did he tell you everything? This might be why you are still so angry.

 

My suggestion is to see if you have friends you can talk to about this. If you do, I suggest you do that. Get their points of view, too. If not, may be you get some professional help. That's not a bad thing... it helps and benefits you to become in peace with yourself again. Peace, that you need, being able to love someone else again.

 

As for your question: "Do you think he will ever come back?" I am sorry to disappoint you. I can't forsee the future, but he is married now, so the chances look very little.

 

I hope this helped you some. Go out there and try to find balance in your life again. Get comfortable with yourself. Good luck!!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[mermayd]

I agree with swingfox. I am unsure that you ahve had a sense of closure. You said you were confused as to why he left you. Maybe you could still find out...just so you can move on with your life. Do not hate yourself. You are a wonderful person and the man that you ARE with loves you for who you ARE, not who you are not. Try toa lways be happy with yourself, no two people are alike. Maybe your old love misses things in you that his wife does not have. The point being that you have positive qualities and try to focus on them. I, too, agree with swingfox that after 2 yrs have passed and he is married, it may be unlikely for him to come back into your life. I think you should also try to focus on your current relationship rather than dwell on the past. It is not fair to your partner. If you feel that you are not over your past, then you cannot drag your bf along and lead him to believe your heart is all his.