She Wants Sex, No Relationship, For Now

[simple_guy25]

I've been talking to a woman I dated a few months ago. We broke it off because she was having trouble committing, after coming out of an abusive relationship. Now she wants to start spending time with me again, but she also wants to have sex. The thing is, i still have feelings for her, and I don't know that she is expecting anything else from it besides sex. I'd like to think I can go through with this, and not get any more attached than I already am, but is that really the case? I should mention that I'm a virgin. I know some of you are going to say to wait, just because I'm a virgin. but I've always said I wanted to lose it to someone who I had real feelings for. We've known each other 10 years, so I know the feelings are real, and yes they are mutual. I guess what I'm wondering is, if we don't develop a relationship out of spending time together, what are the pros/cons of it just being a FWB type situation?

[lady00]

I think if you are asking these types of questions, chances are you are not going to be able to just sleep with her and not develop feelings or feel the feelings you already have. I suggest that if you want more than just sex, you put that on the table in a way that is not going to freak her out or scare her off. Maybe start by suggesting that you want to wait until you're in a relationship to have sex.

[kenshinkitten]

my only concern is does she know you are a virgin? You might want to talk things through with her before you do anything rash. Your feelings sound genuine, express your concerns with her beforehand.

[simple_guy25]

I think if you are asking these types of questions, chances are you are not going to be able to just sleep with her and not develop feelings or feel the feelings you already have. I suggest that if you want more than just sex, you put that on the table in a way that is not going to freak her out or scare her off. Maybe start by suggesting that you want to wait until you're in a relationship to have sex.

 

I had made that clear to her when we were dating before, that's part of the reason we broke it off before, we were planning to have sex that night, and at the last minute she decided she couldnt go through with it. Now its coming up again, does this mean she is ready for a relationship this time, or am I sending out signals that I'm okay with it?

 

my only concern is does she know you are a virgin? You might want to talk things through with her before you do anything rash. Your feelings sound genuine, express your concerns with her beforehand.

 

Yes, she does know I am a virgin, we had discussed it when we were going to sleep together a couple months ago. She's excited about that because she's always been with older men, never a virgin. Part of me wonders if that isnt the reason she wants to sleep with me, kind of a 'plant the flag' deal, you know.

[ghost69]

why not just bang her lights out and see where it goes from there?

[ImThatGirl]

I think that you seem like you are very attached to her already. And if you sleep with her, you will be even more attached to her...

 

Two options -

 

Talk to her and determine if she does want a future with you. If she truly does, problem solved.

 

If she doesn't, have sex just to have sex or walk away..

[simple_guy25]

why not just bang her lights out and see where it goes from there?

 

You sound just like my friends. The thought has crossed my mind, I think I'm just worried that the feelings I have for her will get stronger if we sleep together, and I know she looks at sex as more of an 'activity' not a romantic thing, so it won't have any affect on her. I don't want to get more attached if nothing is going to come of it. If I knew it wouldn't bother me, I'd just go for it, but everyone on here seems to think I will just fall hard for her. I take it you disagree Ghost?

[ghost69]

You sound just like my friends. The thought has crossed my mind, I think I'm just worried that the feelings I have for her will get stronger if we sleep together, and I know she looks at sex as more of an 'activity' not a romantic thing, so it won't have any affect on her. I don't want to get more attached if nothing is going to come of it. If I knew it wouldn't bother me, I'd just go for it, but everyone on here seems to think I will just fall hard for her. I take it you disagree Ghost?

 

how can you cay that? you have never had sex right? you don't even know that. but you shouldn't fall harder for someone because you got some. to me, physical acts are different than emotional connections. but, BUT sex can be better with someone you are emotionally connected with. BUT, it's still a physical act.

[Taomagicdragon]

You have feelings for her, thereforee FWB will not work. Stand up for your feelings and tell her you won't have sex with her for its own sake and only if a relationship develops first.