It has all fallen apart....

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Also, regarding your families, remember you did NOTHING wrong! He is the one cheating and wanting to be with another woman.

 

But remember that blood is thicker than water. Your parents may be upset, but they will want to protect you ultimately. If he chose to leave, you can't make him stay.

 

And his parents will be trying to get the most for him if he is determined to leave and be with this other woman. So they will be out looking for the best lawyer they can find today. You should be doing the same.

[Cadence_oO]

Also, regarding your families, remember you did NOTHING wrong! He is the one cheating and wanting to be with another woman.

 

But remember that blood is thicker than water. Your parents may be upset, but they will want to protect you ultimately. If he chose to leave, you can't make him stay.

 

And his parents will be trying to get the most for him if he is determined to leave and be with this other woman. So they will be out looking for the best lawyer they can find today. You should be doing the same.

 

I'm trying.My mom is pretty upset with all this and refuses to give me the number of the lawyer.

I'll have to find it myself.

 

His familys gonna freak! It's all gonna get so blown up!

But no doubt will they get someone great with the whole situation...

 

Do you think they can detest an iron clad pre-nup?Cause in the even of adultery I get the house....

[TechResQ]

I'm trying.My mom is pretty upset with all this and refuses to give me the number of the lawyer.

I'll have to find it myself.

 

wow! why won't she be more helpful to you? Is she always like this toward you? I would think she would want to protect you and help you, being your mother...

 

Can you ask your father? Is your father in the picture at all?

 

I think the pre-nup will be your saving grace, to be honest.

[karvala]

I'm trying.My mom is pretty upset with all this and refuses to give me the number of the lawyer.

I'll have to find it myself.

 

His familys gonna freak! It's all gonna get so blown up!

But no doubt will they get someone great with the whole situation...

 

Do you think they can detest an iron clad pre-nup?Cause in the even of adultery I get the house....

 

They can contest it, but they'd have little chance of succeeding. I do hope, though, for the sake of your daughter, that they don't try, which would necessitate some of the gory details coming out. Let's hope and assume that they will be reasonable, realise that they're son was the one who messed up and broke-up the marriage by infidelity, and that as agreed the house will be yours, in which you can live with your daughter and develop a wonderful life together. Your husband should want that for her sake as well, so that she has a stable environment and a good home, and he can still see her there and she can stay at his new place sometimes.

 

I am sorry you're having to go through this. I can scarcely imagine that sense of freefall that you must be having right now, and how you're probably just operating on autopilot and spend all your energy just trying to hold it together, but trust me, you're doing a terrific job so far. It will get easier, I promise.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Cadence, you need to go to that apt. and get proof of adultery if adultery gets you the house. He may be over there very soon cleaning up it up if he wants to keep the house. Many men will lie to avoid the stigma of a divorce on grounds of adultery, and to improve their chances of doing well in a divorce.

 

Re: his parents wanting Cadence to have the child and house, no, i haven't seen that in most divorces! they want to fight for their own son and to hang onto family assets and see the grandkid as much as possible, including the son having custody if that can be arranged. They might be steamed that he committed adultery and it is causing a ruckus, but in the end they will side with their son and getting as much time with the grandkids as possible.

 

Your best hope is that your husband feels guilty and wants a 'fresh' start with this new girlfriend and will want to settle this quickly and in your favor to just get on with it. That is hard for you emotionally, but if he is gone, he is gone, and you know that he has his own interests at heart, and not yours, since he was willing to destroy your family to get this other woman in his life.

 

So I would try to have a phone call where you ask him directly what he wants to do, what he intends to pay for, whether he will give you the house and sole custody of your daughter. If he agrees to that, it becomes simple to go to an attorney and have that all written up and you end this quickly.

 

But don't assume he has your interests at heart, or even your daughters interest at heart. He is thinking about himself and this other woman, not you, so you must protect yourself.

 

Your mother is living in another era if she thinks that you doing nothing will bring him back. So you are a grown woman yourself now, and if she won't help you, you can help yourself and get an attorney on your own.

[Cadence_oO]

wow! why won't she be more helpful to you? Is she always like this toward you? I would think she would want to protect you and help you, being your mother...

 

Can you ask your father? Is your father in the picture at all?

 

I think the pre-nup will be your saving grace, to be honest.

 

My father died 2 years ago.

And my mother is very worried about what will people think...she really wants me to fight more for this marriage when in all reality there's nothing to fight for...

 

 

They can contest it, but they'd have little chance of succeeding. I do hope, though, for the sake of your daughter, that they don't try, which would necessitate some of the gory details coming out. Let's hope and assume that they will be reasonable, realise that they're son was the one who messed up and broke-up the marriage by infidelity, and that as agreed the house will be yours, in which you can live with your daughter and develop a wonderful life together. Your husband should want that for her sake as well, so that she has a stable environment and a good home, and he can still see her there and she can stay at his new place sometimes.

 

I am sorry you're having to go through this. I can scarcely imagine that sense of freefall that you must be having right now, and how you're probably just operating on autopilot and spend all your energy just trying to hold it together, but trust me, you're doing a terrific job so far. It will get easier, I promise.

 

 

Thanks..I still spend half of this day crying but people here gave me a kick of reality to the head.So I need to get a move on.

 

I'm hoping his family won't contest it all,they don't need to.It's not like one house is a big deal to them.

We have other property but since they were bought in our marriage,they go 50/50.

As long as they know that I'm not after anything more than what I am entitled to according to the pre-nup.

[Cadence_oO]

Ok,now I'm terrified of loosing my daughter!

 

As I said,one house is far from being a big deal to them...but still,they might contest the whole adultery thing for the reason you listed.Then the money from the selling of the house goes 50/50.I'm ok with that too...it's not a problem for me.But I'd want it to be fair and square.Thats the least what I deserve!

[Excalibur]

No dear, your mother wants you to fight to remain financiallly solvent and optioned as a result of marrying a well-off boy.

 

She's not thihnking that you need to find happiness "in" the marriage - she's thinking you need to have financial security and options due to the legal contract of marriage.

 

If you're determined not to remain in the marriage - start calling attorney's yourself. A huge part of what put you in this position is doing waht other people wanted, thought was right, or how it should be done.

 

You need to talk to an attorney. Adultery is not an allegation to throw around lightly - it has civil repercussions in slander and libel suits. You have to generally catch them in the act, to prove adultery.

 

It's one of the least provable grounds for divorce, and it usually isn't necessary to spend the money and time to prove it - to get what you want if you get a good attorney and don't use them as a therapist.

[Karmageddon]

I'm sorry that your mom isn't being more supportive of you in this tough time. Who cares what people think? And if they think anything at all it's going to be that you are a strong lady who will not allow herself to be treated like common garbage! And like anyone is going to care about this in 5 years, but you anyway. I know this is a fresh wound, but you are young, you have a beautiful daughter, & are financially secure. You are ahead of the game, this sucks for now, but you will find someone amazing (even though I KNOW you don't want to hear that right now!) This to shall pass. Maybe you should take your mom with you to the apt. Frankly I am a little stunned at her response. I guess you really are the only adult over there! sorry sister! We're here!

[TechResQ]

Cadence, do you have any friends you can go to for advice on hiring a reputable Family Law attorney?

 

Also, I am sorry to hear about your father's passing.

 

I think at this point, your Mom is in some sort of denial. Chances are she will probably come around when she see's the only avenue you have to take is that of divorce. Your husband is giving you no other choice. I am sure she will soon realize that.

 

Take charge of your life and stay strong. Let us know what you decide.

 

God Bless.

 

p.s. Everytime I look at your sweet little daughter's face on your avatar, it just breaks my heart. She's so innocent. You will do a great job protecting her, I'm sure.