Karen33 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Basically I posted here totally distraught in December. Had just split with my bf and never felt pain like it. Against all of the good advise I agreed to being his friend. Yes I walked in with my eyes right open knowing I would get hurt again but wanting to alleviate the pain I was feeling at the time. Well seven months down the line I've been dumped again. He cannot cope with my insecurities and we had a row. I'm terrified he'll meet someone and I think that that is only human nature and not that I'm a terrible person like he's making out. In fact I believe that I've behaved like a human being but he hasn't. So I can get lost now and once again he did it by text in a row. Not to my face. Because he was too 'angry'. Not that he hadn't got the guts mind you. He was angry. Now I'm supposed to smile sweetly when he takes something of mine and throws it on the ground as he doesn't want that rubbish on his table and I'm supposed to think its flippin hilarious that he gawps at every woman he sees and they are all wonderful. In fact he fancies everyone except me. But just sleeps with me anyway. Yes I know, I have zero self respect and yes I know I am a disgrace to womankind for putting up with it and for accepting the crumbs. And I'd love to say I'm weeping here with remorse but I'm not really. I want to move on but there are a couple of things stopping me. I was treated so badly and I'm just wondering was he a really lovely guy until he met me and then he turned into a selfish mean and quite often cruel person who loved to hurt me and wind me up. You know when you can see a mean little smile accross someones face? He never let me go. I did try to but with my feelings being all over the place and the little crumbs he graced me I couldn't. Weak I know but it was so hard. I'm just so totally angry and very very hurt. I mean hes now saying we can't be friends as god forbid he dated someone. I know! I know!!!!!! I said that all along. And don't get me wrong, its not that I want to still be around him because every day I so strongly felt like I needed to get away from him. And I'm glad that I am. But my self esteem is so low. And it seems so unfair that his life will probably be beyond wonderful no matter how he treats someone. although I should mention that he's 41 and still single. Not that that means anything other than he hasn't met the right person. So here I am. Everythings all my fault again. I annoyed god almighty once too often! Sorry about the rant guys. Vrey bruised heart here Link to comment
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