guy from a dating site says we can be friends even before meeting

[LAYAAN]

Here is my another experience from this dating site. Alright,

1) the guy is like 15 min driving distance away from my place.

2) he initiated the contact on a dating site

3) we have been emailing back n forth for almost a month (which I certainly don't like... I really wanted to meet after 1st email but didn't say anything about it)

4) he recently suggested to hang out

5) I said "Yes but I would like to talk before that."

6) The guy emails me back saying, "Yes we can chit chat on phone. We can be good friends."

 

What is possibly going on? Am I just a friend? Is he seeing someone else? I'm planning on not returning his email. Really, I'm just mad. This is the 3rd case with me. How can I say that this is not about friendship? I'm looking for something more than that?

Why are guys I'm attracted to asking me only for friendship? How can I avoid that?

Thank you for your input.

[madmarten]

Well take a breath first.

How old is he? Humm, Well did he ask to meet? or you?

 

I would focus on other prospects besides him.

[LAYAAN]

he is 33. i'm 29. he asked to hang out. I saw his profile on match. as well. He is casting a net for wider range of women from 23-40 yr. What do I make out of this?

[madmarten]

Humm, most guys romantically pursuing someone would choose different words. I wouldn't read too much into it and get too worked up one way or the other. Meet him for lunch and see how goes.

[JadedStar]

I understand frustration but I don't really understand why you would be mad. You wno't always talk to someone on those sites with the same goals as you...that is why you vet them out first by takling, emailing and meeting up that first time. If you both are not in sync no harm no foul. It shouldn't resort to anger or anything close.

 

It could mean he is simply cautious before meeting and is careful to not choose words that would lead you on. I surely would think this is preferable than him getting your hopes up only to meet and not find any chemistry.

 

Meet him for lunch and go from there. If he still mentions being good friends simply tell him that you keep a very busy schedule and at this time are on match for a romantic connection and not for friends only and move on your way.

[LAYAAN]

thank you guys,

should I ask him that Q (what are your goals, what is it that you are looking for in terms of relationship status) in my reply to his email/phone/1st unofficial date? I prefer to ask him in email and certainly not in person.

I really don't mind being friends but b'coz I like the guy, I can't be purely friends with him and may be I'm stuck up (please feel free to tell me so if you feel that as well) but I don't want to waste my time talking/meeting someone who has made up his mind.

thank you again.

[JadedStar]

thank you guys,

should I ask him that Q (what are your goals, what is it that you are looking for in terms of relationship status) in my reply to his email/phone/1st unofficial date? I prefer to ask him in email and certainly not in person.

I really don't mind being friends but b'coz I like the guy, I can't be purely friends with him and may be I'm stuck up (please feel free to tell me so if you feel that as well) but I don't want to waste my time talking/meeting someone who has made up his mind.

thank you again.

 

 

I am not sure i'd ask him about his relationship goals before this meet up. Meet up with him first to see if you can get a feel for how he is feeling about you. Wait and see if he brings up friends again first. If you ask him about his relationship goals now and he is already trying to approach this cautiously then you will scare him off. I don't blame him for being cautious beacuse it is not a good thing to lead someone on before the meeting. I would be leary of the guys who are very romantic and fluffy about you before even meeting you to see if there is chemistry.

 

He might mistaken your inquiry abuot relationship goals as desperately trying to land a boyfriend and that might make him even more apprehensive before your meeting. I wouldn't advise it.

[LAYAAN]

JadedStar,

thank you. your reply makes so much sense.

[madmarten]

Yeah, in dating you almost have better chance of having a good outcome, if you don't care too much. Try to focus on having a good time and seeing where it goes.

[Nixee]

I don't know... I personally don't see anything too alarming in any of this.

 

It kinda seems to me like you are eager and ready to see where things will go romantically... you want to meet right away after the first email, you seem to feel ready and available, and that is fine... but maybe things aren't the same for him. Some people like to take things easier and slower and start off as friends first.

 

Personally, I am usually one of these people. If I meet someone on a dating site, I can get easily put off if they get over eager with me and want to dive right into "go go go" mode. I am much more likely to suggest hanging out and being casual first. Go with the flow.

 

He did suggest meeting up, so to me that seems like a good sign. I'd go ahead and meet up with him and see what vibe you get from him then and if there is any chemistry or any signs of interest. If it feels lukewarm after that, maybe then think about splitting. It is just so hard to tell from just a few communications though... many people start off defensive.

[Hollyj]

Some men do it for an ego boost with no intention of anything going anywhere. Sad, huh!!!

[isilv3r]

Meh..i wouldn't think too much into it either. Men tend to say the wrong things all the time and women tend to be sensitive and analyze too much. It can be vice versa as well, not just a steretype. So...what you do now is talk to him on the phone, there's no reason to get mad...when you guys start chatting, this is where you can find out more infomation as to what he's looking for/wants etc., If you find on the phone, it's not going to go anywhere, you haven't lost anything, you just have to keep searching.

[LAYAAN]

thank you all for your replies. I appreciate it.

[LAYAAN]

the guy emailed me today and said that he has fallen for someone but would still like to have me as a friend. see? thats what I was talking about. I'm new to dating but something inside me kept telling me that the guy just was not interested in me. He would reply to my messages after a week or so. and just basically kept some stupid emails going for a month that led us nowhere. I'm not judging you guys. You all have helped me a lot. but hey, see... it hurts b'coz I am attracted to the guy. This is now the 3rd guy that has asked me to be his friend. What is wrong with me? Why everyone sees me as their friend and nothing more? ](*,)

thank you guys for all your input.