Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Why doesn't anyone understand that masturbation is not the same as real sex? I know this is all very funny for everyone, but it is a SERIOUS problem I am having. I always end up in dysfunctional relationships as a result, so the fact that I am coming here for help is a step in the right direction. I finally got rid of my ex, even though I had a small relapse a few months back. I still want to meet someone and have a family. Why is any of this so unattainable? I certainly don't find it very funny. I understand that this is difficult..but you really have to hang in there and ride out the storm. The calling back issue is pretty typical of dating in general...finding someone to marry and have a famil with is a problem for many people, sex addiction or not. That is just life. Just chill out and wait it out. It is only Tuesday. Link to comment
amipushy Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 You will do what you want to do in the end regardless of what anyone else says so go with your gut feeling. Me- I'd say I've done my bit now f you, you know where I am and leave him be. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 I am trying to be strong about this. It is not easy. I should be focusing on finding a permanent job, not my next sex partner. My priorities are a little bit off, to say the least. In my last job, I was sexually harassed and I did not even report it to HR because I was afraid that they might find out about my sexual addiction if it ever went to court and someone might say that it was my fault or something. As far as giving off non-sexual vibes, that may be true because I am trying so hard not to fall back into my old patterns of jumping into bed at any second. I was at this guy's house twice last week and nothing happened, even though he changed his shirt in front of me...maybe that was a hint that I was supposed to attack him? but I just ignored it. It is all so frustrating. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Whew wheeee - that was a big test you passed! I am truly proud of you and rooting for you Y! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 So, now I sit and wait and hope that I do not do anything stupid, like call him or the other guy, or go out and get drunk and pick someone up for a ONS. This is so much fun. I know I can do it, but it doesn't feel good. It would make matters much easier if this guy would only respond to my email or give a sign, but I guess if I don't hear from him by the end of the week, then I will have my answer. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 ycmanvs it's been a frick'n day!!! RELAX!!! I bet he calls before Wed. evening. Honey you need to switch to decaf. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 ycmanvs it's been a frick'n day!!! RELAX!!! I bet he calls before Wed. evening. Honey you need to switch to decaf. Unless, you are him, which is possible but not probable, you have no way of knowing that he will call. I am drinking some coffee even as I write this, so your suggestion is a wise one. Only time will tell if/when I get a response. One of the reasons I hate being in relationships is that I start to obsess about the situation, even when things are going well. Link to comment
george237 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Unless, you are him, which is possible but not probable, you have no way of knowing that he will call. I am drinking some coffee even as I write this, so your suggestion is a wise one. Only time will tell if/when I get a response. One of the reasons I hate being in relationships is that I start to obsess about the situation, even when things are going well. If you don't is it the end of the world? Is this the last great guy you are going to meet? Are you doomed to be single for the rest of your life? No, no, and no. If he doesn't call let it go and find another. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Unless, you are him, which is possible but not probable, you have no way of knowing that he will call. I am drinking some coffee even as I write this, so your suggestion is a wise one. I said, "I bet". I did not say he would call... betting implies a gamble, a chance. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 If you don't is it the end of the world? Is this the last great guy you are going to meet? Are you doomed to be single for the rest of your life? No, no, and no. If he doesn't call let it go and find another. Of course it is not the end of the world. It will just be another sort of rejection, even though I did nothing to warrant it. This is a man who contacted me, who wanted to see me, who insisted on dating me, even though he knew that I was extremely busy, etc. I try to figure why people do the things they do. That is probably why I am on this site in the first place. I find relationships of all kinds fascinating. Even if the guys I date do not end up being "the one" I tend to stay friends with them because we get along as individuals. If someone stops talking to me out of the blue, it makes me wonder if it was something about me or them that resulted in the loss of contact...or interest. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 I said, "I bet". I did not say he would call... betting implies a gamble, a chance. I hate to gamble, so I have a hard time with that metaphor because if I were to gamble I would only do it on a sure thing, like a fact that I knew with 100% certainty. Link to comment
george237 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Of course it is not the end of the world. It will just be another sort of rejection, even though I did nothing to warrant it. This is a man who contacted me, who wanted to see me, who insisted on dating me, even though he knew that I was extremely busy, etc. I try to figure why people do the things they do. That is probably why I am on this site in the first place. I find relationships of all kinds fascinating. Even if the guys I date do not end up being "the one" I tend to stay friends with them because we get along as individuals. If someone stops talking to me out of the blue, it makes me wonder if it was something about me or them that resulted in the loss of contact...or interest. He lost interest if he doesn't call, you did nothing wrong. Let it go. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I hate to gamble, so I have a hard time with that metaphor because if I were to gamble I would only do it on a sure thing, like a fact that I knew with 100% certainty. Me too.... Usually... Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 This will all be a very interesting experiment, if nothing else. Here I am, trying to undo more than 20 years of bad behaviors, in 3 dates or less. I have reached a point in my life where I want more than the serial monogamy that I have been experiencing since the late 80's. I was quite the "modern woman" at the time, asking guys out, sleeping with them when I felt like it...dumping them after a year or two...everyone was replaceable. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 You have succeeded so far, Ycmanvs.... I am really proud of you for addressing the issue and going up against it, trying to change... Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Why doesn't anyone understand that masturbation is not the same as real sex? I know this is all very funny for everyone, but it is a SERIOUS problem I am having. I always end up in dysfunctional relationships as a result, so the fact that I am coming here for help is a step in the right direction. I finally got rid of my ex, even though I had a small relapse a few months back. I still want to meet someone and have a family. Why is any of this so unattainable? Hey, Tell me about it heheh i've been with sex for 7 months and it's drivinb me up the wall I am kinda in your situation with the 3rd date thing - met this guy 3 times we had 3 good dates - didn't hear from him so i texted me 5 days later he replied then i texted maybe we can meet up for a meal sometime and i haven't heard from him since. I hate waiting around for men. Hope he does contact you back - i will make no excuses for men anymore - i don't know why he hasn't contacted you. Good luck xxx Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 Hey, Tell me about it heheh i've been with sex for 7 months and it's drivinb me up the wall I am kinda in your situation with the 3rd date thing - met this guy 3 times we had 3 good dates - didn't hear from him so i texted me 5 days later he replied then i texted maybe we can meet up for a meal sometime and i haven't heard from him since. I hate waiting around for men. Hope he does contact you back - i will make no excused for men anymore - i don't know why he hasn't contacted you. Good luck xxx I just don't know. I am not a mind reader. If the guy wants to see me, I want him to say it and if he does not want that, he can say that too. I just have no idea what is going on. I will probably make an attempt to call in a couple of days, but after that I will give up on this one. Link to comment
george237 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I just don't know. I am not a mind reader. If the guy wants to see me, I want him to say it and if he does not want that, he can say that too. I just have no idea what is going on. I will probably make an attempt to call in a couple of days, but after that I will give up on this one. Welcome to the mans world. We have to be specialists in mind reading. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Welcome to the mans world. We have to be specialists in mind reading. AMEN. Talk about double standards. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 What woman made a comment on here that we expect men to read our minds? She tried to contact him and he hasn't returned contact...? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 Exactly. I was very communicative. The only thing I did not do is make the first sexual move. I emailed him and answered his calls in a timely fashion. I always showed up for the dates. Even yesterday, I sent an email asking about his meeting because he had talked about it and asked my opinion on what clothes he should wear. The fact that he is taking his time to respond could mean many things, but if he really wanted to keep in touch with me, he would...unless someone told him to keep me waiting so that I would stay interested. I am a lot younger than him, so maybe he thinks I don't like him as much as he likes me... The only way I will know is if he tells me, but if he does not, then I will have to move on without an explanation. Link to comment
Stambler Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I agree. If someone is intereseted, nothing will keep them from contacting you or replying. Does he have your phone #? Even if his computer crashed, he could still e-mail from work or a friends house. I met a woman on-line and her computer crashed after a few days of chatting. She e-mailed me from her son's computer to let me know! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 I agree. If someone is intereseted, nothing will keep them from contacting you or replying. Does he have your phone #? Even if his computer crashed, he could still e-mail from work or a friends house. I met a woman on-line and her computer crashed after a few days of chatting. She e-mailed me from her son's computer to let me know! Of course he has my number. He was on the dating site yesterday and could have used that to email me, but he did not. The fact that he is checking it means that he is still looking. If he had been happy with me, he would not be there and would answer my email in a timely fashion. I should just get the hint. That is all. I am deluding myself into thinking that he likes me because he spent a day with me and met my friends. Anything is possible and I will keep in touch with him if I ever hear from him, but I doubt that he wants anything too serious with me at this point. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 There are too many time wasters out there. No point in forcing it if he doesn;t contact you what can you do? Nothing! You can't make someone do what they don't want to do so just leave it for now and if he pops up thats all good if not let it go and accept it - i have accepted my side of things even though i thought we got on very good and i thought he really liked me by calling, texting and arranging dates/ The only thing i've learnt from this is to never depend on the other people to contact you and also don't get your hopes up too high. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Wow. You guys are really going to keep kicking this dead horse about.... To believe this guy hasn't responed back to you within 24 hours is just unacceptable! You know what... Dump that SOB right now... move on to the next guy. That's the only smart thing to do, huh? Of course he was on that dating site looking for new women... surely he wouldn't be checking to see if you were, would he? That's not what you were doing right? Hmmm... does anyone else see this as needy and obsessive behavior? Link to comment
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