koreangelxp Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 okay so heres the story... i have been friends with this person for about 2 1/2 years and she is a wonderful person.. shes funny and smart (sometimes) and just a all around great person. I introduced her to a guy from my work (BAD IDEA), but things are going okay for them.... but later i found out that guy is a egoistical male, racist, and is a complete idiot...i mean omg... he says the stupidest things... and wonder why in the heck are you alive?? and living?? your just wasting space... just my opinion...but anyways... it seems to me that my friend and i are having a lot more arguments and problems since she has started dating this coworker... and i feel that she is pretty much choosing the new guy in her life to me her friend of 2 1/2 years of friendship. i believe this guy is jealous of our friendship and hes trying to wreck it... and she doesnt seem to see that... and if i say anything about anything he runs to her and tells her about it... and instead of her asking me about the story or the situation she just accuses me of saying something or i was lying about something i said... without even listening to my side of the story... and thats why im upset and ive talked to her about this before... and she just doesnt get it.. ( thats where shes only smart sometimes) i donno... i dont want to lose a good friend but it seems like theres nothing i can do to stop it....any advice? Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Just like with BF, I would go NC with her. Some people just need to learn on their own. She must be intoxicated with him, she can't listen to reason. I wish you luck. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Well, you can choose to ignore your friend of 2 1/2 years OR you can be a true friend and just be there for her. Dont talk to the butthead at work. You and he obviously have nothing to say to each other and tell your friend that although you dont approve, you are her friend and you dont want to lose her friendship. Offer to do things with just her, she may refuse, but at least you're there for her and you are trying. She is probably just infatuated with him and once the "honeymoon" stage of dating is over, she will proabably start seeing thru the rose colored glasses and then she'll need your support to get away from him. A true friend knows when to back off a little and just offer support. She knows how you feel about him. Tell her that you dont really want to talk about him anymore, you'd rather hang out and do girl things with her and just enjoy your friendship. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Try this - you think this guy is an idiot, loser, and beneath her. She right now at least finds him interesting, attractive, amusing, and she enjoys his attention, adoration, and affection. You want to spend as much time and in the same types of activities as you did when she didn't have a boyfriend - that's unrealistic. And you make it clear to him every day at work that you think he's taking up space on the planet and should be eliminated so that you have more oxygen and water. He's not going to want you to be with her overmuch. She's being asked to choose.....becuase you're both acting immature and foolish. You can think what you want about him - and if you say it less and try to get her to think it less - it'll become clear to her if you're right about his intelligence nad abilities - that his attention was great, but he's not that great...and they'll break up. If you don't try to interfere with the relationship -when it ends you won't have a mad coworker looking to sabotage your job......because....heads up - this guy must put on a pretty good act during scene's 1 and 2...or else you wouldn't have introduced him to her in the first place. So he's going to get some play and credence at work, and if he decides "you gotta go"......you don't want that to contend with. Link to comment
xfact Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I don't think you should interfere in a relationship. You are crossing bondaires and that's more than enough reason to finish a friendship. She is with him because she wants to and so far she is happy. Why don't you allow her to enjoy that? You should be glad that she is happy and be there for her if you are her friend. Or are you feeling jealous, because you don't get attention??? Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 you are right about that... i havent even been talking to this coworker at work anymore... hes bring up convos from like 2 months ago... and shes getting mad about stuff from 2 months ago??? and its like wth? thats why im upset.... Link to comment
Catdancer Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 you are right about that... i havent even been talking to this coworker at work anymore... hes bring up convos from like 2 months ago... and shes getting mad about stuff from 2 months ago??? and its like wth? thats why im upset.... Girl, who knows...he could be filling her head with all kinds of stuff that's been blown out of proportion. Ignore him and it may be hard to offer to agree to disagree with your friend to maintain the friendship, but you should. So many of us lose our friends when we get into relationships, dont let her lose you. You both are good friends and you need each other for moral support, shopping, and just hanging out with girlfriends. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 see thats the thing... she knows hes a idiot, and hes stupid and all the things ive said... about him... she states it to me all the time, and she states that she dont need him in her life and blah blah... i havent been interfereing with their relationship im not even talking to him, and i wont lose my job cuz my job already knows there is a problem between me and him. it has nothing to do with spending time with her, or me feeling jealous or anything of that nature. cuz im not jealous... and i am happy for him and her. im not jealous of her spending time with him, or that she has a new love interest or anything like that... what im upset about is if something comes but she doesnt ask me about what happened in the convo... (a convo that happened between me and him like 2 months ago) comes up now... and she accuses me of lying... or something... and its like your going to believe a guy you only known for 3 months to a friend you known for 2 1/2 years? without hearing my side of the story first? before you start pointing fingers?? Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 I don't think you should interfere in a relationship. You are crossing bondaires and that's more than enough reason to finish a friendship. She is with him because she wants to and so far she is happy. Why don't you allow her to enjoy that? You should be glad that she is happy and be there for her if you are her friend. Or are you feeling jealous, because you don't get attention??? i am happy for her, and no im not jealous at her at all... with the track record shes got with guys... im really am happy for her if she finds a nice guy who treats her right... so thats has nothing to do with it. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Girl, who knows...he could be filling her head with all kinds of stuff that's been blown out of proportion. Ignore him and it may be hard to offer to agree to disagree with your friend to maintain the friendship, but you should. So many of us lose our friends when we get into relationships, dont let her lose you. You both are good friends and you need each other for moral support, shopping, and just hanging out with girlfriends. i know... its just she accuses me of something i did... before even hearing my side of the story.... so to me thats pretty much picking sides when it comes to he say she say bs.. but whatever i know i just need to sit down and have a heart to heart convo with her, and if that dont work... then i guess theres no point in saving the friendship. Link to comment
xfact Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 i know... its just she accuses me of something i did... before even hearing my side of the story.... so to me thats pretty much picking sides when it comes to he say she say bs.. but whatever i know i just need to sit down and have a heart to heart convo with her, and if that dont work... then i guess theres no point in saving the friendship. I don't know exactly what was the problem, but it seems like the friendship is important to you. Good luck with it! I hope you manage to work things out, and if they don't at least you tried. Link to comment
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