My partner is bipolar

[browneyesblue]

My partner is bipolar, and as much as I love him, things have become really difficult between us. I have to be very careful about what I say to him and how I say it because his emotions are very fragile. We have not had sex in almost two years, and now he has moved to another state to attend school. I've tried very hard to make him happy, supported him emotionally and financially, but I'm not happy. Is that selfish? He's several years older than me and never wants to travel or go out with friends, because he always finds some fault with them. I just feel like I'm missing out on a lot ... that life is passing me by.

[Supa_gurl]

It is right you should feel that way. Especially since he is much older than you. You have so much life left in you and should not wait for someone emotionally unstable. I understand he is bipolar and all, but you should not be punished because of his disease.

[girl friend]

I would recommend moving on. But then i'm biased. The reason i say that is, i dated a guy with bipolar and it nearly broke me. I was an emotional wreck by the end of it. He cheated on me, twisted it around and tried to blame me, bawled his eyes out and i had to look after him for a week after he told me because he couldn't leave my house he was weak and crying all the time. I always had to put him first, and i sorta loved being needed i guess, but he didn't love me. The more you invest into a relationship, the more emotionally involved you become. Particularly when it is someone who perhaps not of their own fault is going to keep hurting you over and over again. You cling on because you want it to get better and you've put so much in, instead of obeying your first instinct and sticking to your guns. If you are not in a sexual relationship, a romantic one, or an emotional one, ask yourself, what have you left? You might as well move on, hard as it may be. You can keep him in your life as your friend. But you are having these doubts for a very good reason. Also, don't let him blame his bipolar for selfish acts. He is still human, he is in control of his own actions. My ex may well have been on a comedown, (he was always at his highest just before he came down, and would then grasp crazy ideas and loud music and party intensely, trying to keep hold of the high i think) and thus grabbed the offer sex, but it was still his choice. Most bipolar suffers have their moods and impulsions controlled reasonably well by carefully managed doses of lithium salt, although of course it still affects them, and their sleep patterns!You need to live your life, if you don't youre just going to end up blaming and resenting him in the long run. Break it off, stay in touch as friends if you want to, and get out there and be a young guy!

 

girl friend

[Anotherday]

No offense, but it doesn't sound like much of a relationship or that you are getting much out of it.

 

I agree with another poster that his bipolar disorder should not be blamed for this. There are plenty of people who do not have bipolar disorder who act as your partner has acted. I myself have been diagnosed with it and, in my case, spent time with someone who was abusive to me and blamed everything on me. This is in spite of the fact he is a liar and a cheater and I was forbidden from mentioning the "dinner" word (unless I would make him dinner). One night I merely mentioned he'd said we might go our for dinner and he flipped and picked something up and threw it at my dishwasher and shattered plates. And he works in mental health, so go figure. These days it seems like anyone with BP is presumed to be at fault for whatever goes wrong in a relationship. I'm not saying you are at all at fault for what's gone wrong in your relationship. I just feel the need to set the record straight about those with BP.

 

Better to just move on and find someone you can be happy with.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I don't think that your partner is like this just because of being bi-polar, it sounds like you just don't mess as people. You aren't compatible, that's obvious, their emotional issues are just one aspect of the problem. You have to weigh the issues, are the negatives so many that you are more unhappy than you are happy? A mental disorder does not make a person do every thing, but it seems that it is an easy target for blame when things aren't working.

 

I'd like to add that I'm BP.

[browneyesblue]

Thanks, all, for your replies. I apologize if I've given the impression that I'm blaming his bipolar disorder for the issues at hand. There are, of course, other factors--probably some of which I'm not even aware. He just seems to blame the bipolar disorder whenever there's a problem, and always reminds me of his condition. He used to take medication but doesn't know because he said it caused him to have nightmares and not be able to sleep.

 

It just seems that ever since he decided to go back to school, he makes decisions that affect us as a couple without even discussing it. He told me that he's going to do what makes him happy and if I don't like it, it's too [expletive] bad.

 

It's just that I love him SO much and want to take care of him and make everything better. I've tried, but I just can't, and it's making me really unhappy. I'm a nurturer, but I need to be nurtured too.

[Scorpion Fury]

Oh man, I could have written this myself. My ex was bipolar too, and that relationship broke me as well. I know firsthand that it is VERY hard to love a bipolar person that doesn't keep it under control.

 

Our problems started when he stopped taking his meds. I'll save the gory details for another thread, another time. Bottom line, he broke my heart very, very badly. Over and over again.

 

I think you should probably do what's best for you and leave. No sex in two years? Big red flag.

 

If a bipolar person doesn't keep their condition under control with meds any other means necessary, there is no way to have a healthy relationship with t hat person. There just isn't.

[Scorpion Fury]

My partner is bipolar, and as much as I love him, things have become really difficult between us. I have to be very careful about what I say to him and how I say it because his emotions are very fragile. We have not had sex in almost two years, and now he has moved to another state to attend school. I've tried very hard to make him happy, supported him emotionally and financially, but I'm not happy. Is that selfish? He's several years older than me and never wants to travel or go out with friends, because he always finds some fault with them. I just feel like I'm missing out on a lot ... that life is passing me by.

 

 

It's not selfish. Not at all. You tried your best. and he's a grown man. You aren't responsible for his happiness and well-being. He needs to take charge of that himself.