Any advice on how to completely get over someone, emotionally?

[Gracelove]

My ex fiance and I broke up almost a year ago now. I was crazy in love with him. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but to me it was as close to perfection as I expected at the time.

 

Anywho, he dumped me in an e-mail, which was a total shock to my system.

 

Two day before dumping me, he called all the time, and told me he loved me at least 20 times a day.

 

Anywho, there are many reasons why we shouldn't be together, and why it's good we aren't together.

 

However I still have feelings for him. I either feel extreme anger towards him, or love.

 

It's been a year and I still haven't found a place for him, a category to place him in.

 

Logically I know that things worked out perfectly, but emotionally, I still have all of these mixed feelings.

 

Is there anyone out there, who ever found out your ex wasn't what you thought they were?

And you never got any answers to all of your questions, or the most important one...."why?"

 

How did you reconcile everything, and find closure?

[Gracelove]

Hey There Misskitty16!!!!

 

Oh my gosh, it was the same with me!!!

 

And no, I never spoke with him again. I called him once I got the e-mail, but he never replied.

 

It's hard, because on top of everything I'm pretty positive he is gay. All the signs were there and he was seeing a man on the side.

 

I just don't know what's wrong with me.

I didn't know he was gay at first. And when I found out, I was already in love with him. I tried to ignore what was going on in our relationship.

 

And I'm so confused.

 

He was there for me after my rape, so on one hand he is like a savior.

And he was so sweet and kind, so he was like a prince charming.

And we were best friends.

Then after we started living together I started seeing things that made me believe he's gay. And then after we were together longer, I knew he was gay.

I don't even think he's bi, because he was definitely uncomfortable when it came to intimacy.

 

He didn't like kissing, he'd refuse, unless it was one peck. He didn't like sex either, not unless he was really horny. Then it was like he just wanted to get it over with, or he would become depressed and say he felt so dirty.

The only thing he seemed comfortable with was receiving blow jobs.

 

And then he had a bad side to him, a side that scared me.

 

So it's so hard trying to figure everything out.

 

The relationship wasn't all bad, he wasn't all bad. The relationship wasn't perfect, but it was something I felt I could handle and be happy with.

 

And I think things would be so much easier to reconcile if he weren't gay.

 

That just.....it gets me every time.

[shell024]

my ex ended it over a txt while i was in a different country.. and he didn't even end it properly he told me to f**k off and get the hint all this a week before he was telling me he wanted to marry me and move in with me.

 

I to have all those questions.. why.. why..why..

 

I to wanted answers to these questions to get some kind of closure.

 

I never got my questions answered but hearing that he was dating someone a few days later was enough answers for me..his mind wasn't stable, i knew that. maybe in time you may get answers but don't let that be all your thoughts..ITs been a year, i think you would have gotten them by now. you just have to give urself time to emotionally get over it. thats all its going to take..or maybe write out a letter, a fake letter with all your questions and then just burn it or put it away.. it may help to write it down, get it out ofy our mind.

 

I think that closure is something that everyone "thinks" they need, but really what will it do, make you feel better for like a day or so..

 

Try and focus on ur life now, not the answers..

[septembermourning]

is that exes who end things badly and never give you reasons are the ones who will be haunted years after the fact about it. IT won't happen right away but I've seen it over and over again w/my own and others I know... after some time and meeting a bunch of people who truly mean nothing to you in the long run, regret sinks in. Someone who says "F*ck off " as their goodbye is hurting... Anger results from caring and hurt turned outwards. You could not be that passionate even negatively if you didn't care about that other person and they would not know how to push your buttons either, not to that degree.

 

Even I know about regret. My college boyfriend loved me , worshipped me and accepted me for me and I treated him badly because I freaked out and felt smothered. To this day, 8 years later I feel so bad about it and wish I appreciated what I had in him because I have not found it since him and I have had MANY relationships since then. He married about 5 years ago so he is fine and I am the one left wondering what could have been but at the same time knowing I was not ready for his love. But I do think things work out as they should and we were not meant to be. I just never realized how many buttheads are out there and how many guys that would want to change me. I miss that acceptance and yearn for it. I can only hope I'll find it w/another person someday.

 

Rest assured, this will catch up to them one day.

[septembermourning]

and also I am so sorry that he is gay but at least you know that it was not you!! That has got to be a little reassuring... right?

[Gracelove]

Hey There!!!

 

Thanks so much for your support!!!

 

The weird thing is that I thought I was over him for the longest time. But for some reason the whole thing has been bothering me again.

 

It was really bothering me the other day, because I had an unexpected dream about him.

 

It was a horrible dream as a matter of fact.

 

It's weird. Today I feel completely fine about everything.

 

I think I was just feeling scared about him not being who I thought he was. It really freaks me out, because I've had experiences like that before. It make me leery(sp?) of trusting people.

 

I don't know, I was just being weird I guess. For some reason I was having a hard time dealing with things on that particular day.

[Gracelove]

Hey There!!!

 

Thanks for your kind words! That's an interesting perspective.

 

I know I used to hope he'd regret it, LOL! Maybe he will.

 

Now.....now, I don't really know what to say about it all.

 

LOL!!!

 

Ya, I don't know if him being gay makes me feel better, but I do see your point.

 

I guess, sometimes I feel, that this all could have been avoided, you know? Because he knew he was gay all along. So it feels like some cruel joke, I feel like I was being used as a front.

 

And then, before I knew he was gay.....I was feeling like crap, as a woman, because I didn't know what was going on.

 

Then I think about how feminine he started acting, and it was so hard to deal with.

 

I honestly didn't know what to do.

I loved his man, and he was acting so freakin girly, and he had a boyfriend on the side.....and I didn't know what to do.

 

It's not like it was something I could call a girlfriend on the phone, and chat about.

 

I was sooooooooooooooo embarrased.

 

And it's like you try to ignore something, and he does 10 more super gay things.

 

I don't know, it was sooo hard to ignore after a while. It took so much work.

I basically had to lie to myself everyday, just to make it through.

 

And at the same time he's like, "I love you, I want to marry you". It's like....whew! It's work.

 

So the gay thing made it extremely complicated. It's like the elephant in the room you try to ignore.

 

Only this elephant was growing larger by the minute.

 

So the gay thing upset me a lot right now. I pissed for staying with him through it all. But I felt so loyal, and was so in love.

He stuck with me through my rape, there was no way I could leave him because he's gay.

 

It was just....I don't know, confusing.

 

I then we are Christian, so he knew it was a sin, and he struggled with it more.

 

I just can't believe I had a gay fiance.

 

It makes me feel like such a loser.

 

It's like, "C'mon lady, get a clue, this isn't going to work!". But I hung on like some freakin idiot. And then, on top of it all, he dumped me!!!!

 

After putting up with all of that crap, he had the NERVE to dump me!!! Ooooo! LOL! It still pisses me off.

[Gracelove]

..

Grace, at least you can know it was not you as a person or anything you did.

 

LOL! True.

[Gracelove]

...

If it makes you feel better, I have known other women this happened to. One of them even married him (ummm...obviously that marriage did not work).

 

Awww, thanks MissKitty!

 

I'm feeling better about the situation now. I was just feeling really hurt because I felt this whole thing was saying something bad about my value as a person.

 

But it was a mistake, you live and you learn.

 

It happens.