How I Got Over My Ex and Pain Completely

[rigguy]

i'm talking about women in the date-able age group. i agree that the rate of population growth has grown exponentially since i was in high school and I'm sure there are more female (in terms of absolute number) on earth than there were when i was in high school. however, i stick to my earlier point that the pool of available single women is significantly smaller now that i'm 31 than it was when i was in high school.... of course unless i want to take the chance of being charged as a pedophile, but i have no such desires.

 

Think I am going to agree with Hopeless here. Personally, majority of my friends are either in committed relationships or married (at 26), I think the pull of compatible mates is reduced considering it is likely your friends are the type of people you are comfortable with. Globally may not be true but what good is that if majority of available partner aren't suited for you. Another ramble I think hehe

[Hopeless1234]

Think I am going to agree with Hopeless here. Personally, majority of my friends are either in committed relationships or married (at 26), I think the pull of compatible mates is reduced considering it is likely your friends are the type of people you are comfortable with. Globally may not be true but what good is that if majority of available partner aren't suited for you. Another ramble I think hehe

 

thanks for not making me feel TOO crazy.

[Savaya123]

Wow I can't believe it took me this long to find some real help and I dont know if you will ever see this rj but thank you so much Words cannot explain how grateful I am for your simple yet personal advice! Your method worked in one day. And I struggled for 4 years. Literally amazing. Wooo I'm free!

[ntp5]

I just wanted to say thank you very much for sharing this. I am very young (20 years old) and I've had my heart broken truly for the first time, to a man 15 years my senior. I gave him my innocence and I was devastated after he disappeared from being with him 11 months. He was a good guy, but we were both at different stages of our lives and I always knew it wouldn't last forever and I understand that whatever reason it was for the break up was because he may have wanted better for us both but I let my thoughts take over and when he left it was extremely painful and I wondered if I'll ever be able to get over the pain especially that he's my first but you reminded me that its my self I must convince that I'm going to be perfectly fine. I'm feeling a whole more moved on and it's only been about two week since we broke up and a day since I found this. I have a few friends that I know have been suffering for years and I've shared this with them and immediately they've found it a big help So thank you very much.

 

It's may still be hard sometimes but I know all I have to do is let myself know it's okay. I still question what I must do if he ever just pops up again but I know now that I must handle my thoughts accordingly. I hope that you too are doing great. Let us know.

 

In my next relationship I know not to hold back but to just enjoy the relationship for what it is and if it doesn't work I've gained something not lost and thing and I must let myself know that I'm going to be okay.

 

My only desire is that I never forget the great lesson taught here, which is: the mind is a very powerful thing, and if you learn to control your thoughts and dismiss negativity then you can help yourself not just with getting over breakups and pain but also by getting through all other obstacles life may throw at you.

[spandora]

I liked this post a lot, because I am a big believer in cognitive behavioral therapy, and the OP explained it in layman's terms, in a very helpful fashion, about how it works.

 

And YES it was LONG, but well worth reading! People have such short attention spans these days *smh*

 

As for being too old to meet people..NOT TRUE.

 

I am 47. Just got out of my umpteen break up I got on OKcupid because my ex was on it and I wanted to make him see how it feels, to see your ex on it, esp after we'd not quite let go of the connection we had. I WAS SWAMPED WITH INTEREST. Nobody cared about my age! Well, except for some 56 year old guy who sent me a nasty message because he's not in my age range lol

 

I walk down the street with my also-40-something girlfriend, and we get hooted at and catcalled constantly. She gets guys' phone numbers when she's out, left and right.

 

For me, meeting guys is not the problem. THe problem for me has been, getting OUT when I see red flags. Not ending up in relationships with guys who are immature, dishonest, cheating scumbags. There's the rub.

 

 

 

for example, you said that with age, it becomes harder and harder to meet people. That is an example of unconscious programming and negative self defeating talk that just keeps playing in someone's head, but is not based on any fact or truth. It's simply someone's negative perception of a situation.

 

and comments like 'the available pool of good women is significantly smaller' is again not true......it's just another negative perception.

[spandora]

BTW, I wanted to add...studies have shown cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to be even more effective than medications in cases of clinical depression, and generalized anxiety disorder.

 

IMO people are too lazy, and don't want to do the work it requires. They'd rather pop a pill to feel better, but honestly, popping a pill is a bandaid solution. It might be good for people who are on the floor, weeping uncontrollably all the time and can't get anything done...will get you to a stable place where you can try to get back on your feet again, but antidepressants, Xanax, etc. do NOT make your problems go away. They do not enforce good coping and thinking skills, that can help you deal with the NEXT issues/breakup/conflict that comes along. Yoga, meditation, CBT...these are all disciplines and pracitces that can make your life better in the long run, WITHOUT the nasty side effects or dependency issues

[spandora]

I'm sorry..I just have to laugh. Oh, I remember being 26 and thinking that the world was going to end whenever something bad happened. I'm 47 now, and let me tell you - it doesn't. And there are always tons of single people in the sea. Single fish, divorced fish...wait til you get into your 30s and all your friends who are married, are getting divorced. In your 40s, it's even worse. You see so many unhappy, coupled up people.

 

Trust me, your perspective will change as you get more experience under your belt.

 

The key is to not keep making the same mistakes over and over, like I HAVE. That's where the method laid out by the OP could really help you.

 

Think of it as a gift that's given to you when you're young enough to be able to change your destructive, dysfunctional patterns..before they become too ingrained.

 

 

thanks for not making me feel TOO crazy.