so sad tonight

[paleoman]

It's been 8 months she is with someone new. I have written many times about this and had much great advice.

 

I am sitting here alone on Christmas eve. I guess I could have spent it with family or friends but everyone seems to be with someone. I just don't understand why I am feeling so empty and alone. She has kept in touch with me and still tells me she cares so much about me and that she misses me but all she can be is a friend right now. I wanted to hear from her so bad tonight and wanted to call but didn't. I am just sitting here listening to sad songs and missing her so bad. I know she is with family and her new guy and this time last year she was with me. It is so hard to accept that she is not coming back to me. I don't understand how people fall out of love. I tried so hard to win her back and did for a few weeks over the summer but it was fleeting and empty. I don't miss the physical aspect of the relationship, I just miss her. I haven't seen her in over 4 months and it hurts so bad. I can't get out of this self destructive phase. I have been smoking and drinking instead of treating myself well. I am 28, been told very good looking and doing well in life. I have such great friends and have no problem meeting women, I am sort of in a relationship right now but she just doesn't fill this void. I tried escaping by traveling all summer around mexico but she was all I thought about. When does this end? I hate to think I have to fall in love again to let go. It seems like most people do it that way. I am scared that I am starting to obsess about her. Logically I understand my feelings but they just won't go away. I feel like I have so much to offer a person but part of me is so disgusted with relationships that I think I should just be by myself for awhile. It's so hard to do. A part of me thinks she will come back to me someday when she realizes noone will love her like I did. But this sort of thinking keeps me from moving on. Last time we spoke (last week) she acted so cold and basically told me it's ok to move on, she said we can talk about the emotional stuff one day but not now and that one day we will see each other but not until I am ready. she was treating me like some sad child but I guess I was acting that way. I am holding myself back from who I really am and I guess I think someone will be able to replace this emptiness within me. I am starting to realize this will never happen. I have this amazing voice and have been told by professional musicians that I am wasting my talent. She is a musician and that is part of what drew us to each other. We used to sit in her room and she would play guitar and I would sing, it was so amazing but once I 'had' her I stopped playing with her. Now I am scared to go out and become who I know I could be. Why am I so afraid of opening up? I have played out before but as I get older I become more fearful. I know I will not find happiness in another till I find it in myself. Sorry for all these incoherent thoughts but I had to get them out tonight. Thanks for listening and hope everyone is getting through the holidays and trying to stay positive even though we are all going through so much. When I read the messages on this forum it gives me hope knowing there are so many incredible, loving people out there.

[avman]

paleoman,

 

It doesn't sound like you are asking for advice. So I just wanted you to know that I read your words and that somebody out there is listening.

 

I think you are on the right track in your healing process. Keep talking everything out. Write it out like you have done here if that helps you. You WILL heal I promise.

 

Merry Christmas to you and I wish you happiness and peace.

 

avman

[DestructoBoy]

You're not alone paleoman......

 

I'm 28 too and have been broken up with my ex for about 3 mos. Nothing has gotten easier for me. I know it's harder now because of the holidays. I'm sitting here doing laundry, writing posts, and drinking beers....all by myself. Last year my ex and I had our own place and a nice x-mas tree. I was so happy and so in love. Now I'm stuck with those memories and they're haunting me.

 

It's going to take a long time to heal for me as it has been for you. It's hard to even start the healing process when I have grand illusions of a reconciliation....which isn't going to happen for me, but I can't seem to convince myself. I keep thinking she'll realize that I was great and come running back. She's seeing someone else now and seems to be happy. So I'm trying to convince myself that it's over for good.

 

I don't even know if I could answer if she called right now? It would hurt to much knowing it's not the same person I was so deeply in love with. I don't even know what she's been doing or how she's been. I don't want to know to tell you the truth....it would be like pealing off scabs at this time. I tried so hard to get her back before she met someone else. Now that she has I don't think I could do it again. I tried so hard....to hard. I compromised all of my feelings and thoughts and felt so weak. I have no control over anything now. I hope she's happy now and has a good holiday. It's hard to say but I do...that's how much I love that little B!

 

Just know you're not alone man. I'm out here too listening to you and feeling your pain. Try putting on some angry music? That's what I'm doing and it seems to be helping. Nothing like a little Tool on x-mas eve dude!

 

Avman is right......we WILL heal and find love again. You obviously have no problem meeting the ladies (same for me) but I can't replace her right now. There is no one that can take her place at this time. Once I heal more I hope to get over this. Also, I know how bad it hurts to feel replaced. How can they so quickly get over us and get with someone new? I guess we can't expect them to grieve the break-up forever? But it would be nice to know they were as miserable as us!!

 

F them bro. You're not alone!! Try to be with your family now. I'm flying back home at 6am tomorrow to see my family. I can't wait but it sux because she's gone with me the past 5 years. AHH!! Oh well......

 

Sorry for my long reply, but I'm alone too and need to vent as well. It's good to know I'm not alone.

[Ash]

When I read the initial post, and one of the replies, I can't help but think of one of the stories from this time of year. About the Grinch, but not maybe how you'd think of it at first.

 

Here's a situation where somebody came along and took everything away that he thought made somebody happy. But it turned out he was wrong, and it didn't matter, and the Who's down in Whoville were happy despite what he'd done. He couldn't touch touch what was inside them. It wasn't ever his to take in the first place.

 

That's a good moral on human nature in general. Nobody can take away what makes us happy if we don't let them. I know this whole thing might sound a bit silly, and you're thinking that somebody has taken your very happiness, but try to think of it the other way around. The happiness comes from you in the first place, and you'll find it again if you find things to be thankful for.

 

Memories will always be with us. But we can always make new ones. Try to reflect on the good things about yourself, and not the bad things about somebody else.

[kuhl282000]

Hey Paloman

 

Thanx 4 sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions. I was sad last night two. I just went through a blind-sided break-up myself. And have been broken up with no contact for around a month. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought of her. I find myself driving around in my car as if I'm in some sort of a time warp that I can't escape from. It is a horrible feeling, and I wish it would just go away. But you know what it is still there. And everyday I wake up and some how, I deal with it (I really don't know how) but I just deal with it. You said it in your post, I saw it. And it was like you were me. Like you people tell me i'm a great looking guy(trying to be humble here, excuse me) I can get girls no problem. Have a great career. But it does not matter when you lose someone so close to you. You miss them you think about them, you want to talk to them, you want to just be with them. And especially if you care so deeply as we both do. I find myself (and don't tell anybody this) carrying on conversations talking out loud to her, and I'm the only one in the car....Hello, Hello, Earth to Kuhl....get a grip I say to myself. but I still think of the chick. Like you I had the hardest time accepting the truth that it was really over. And when she is telling you yes move on. I guess you should get that message. For me it was calling her up on her cell phone, and having a guy answer. And he told me he was the old boyfriend of 10 years, and that they were getting back together and moving in together. Talk about a blow to the side of the head. And just a day before, she was telling me how much she loved me, and that I was the only one. And that we were soulmates. And that we would be together forever. Hello...Hello again, wake up Kuhl, this did not happen. I have had no contact, and that is the only thing that works for me. I believe by staying in contact you only keep the wound open. and it only makes the hurt stay longer. Especially if you still believe that their is hope of her coming back. The reality is everyday I wake up, and we used to do that everynight together in the same bed. We'll today I woke up again, and she was not here. the truth is she is in the arms of another man. And as long as it is another man and not me, we'll as far as I'm concerned it is the wrong man. Will I even see her or get her back ? I have to convince myself daily, that she is never coming back. And considering the circumstances now, I don't know if I could ever trust her or even want her back. I have to forgive her and myself daily or it just does not work for me. I can't call her. I did write her one final letter, and that was my closeure for me. Are the thoughts still there, they will be for awhile. Someone told me it takes about 3 to 6 months to really heal. My mom still is not over my dad after 25 years. She still thinks he is coming back. Mom please get over it !!!!! Trust me, she never will. But I will, and you will. I was sad last night 2. And I'm sad today, but I'm going over some new girls house and try and shake off the holiday blues. I'm looking forward to 2004, 2003 was a really bad year because of this relationship or what ever it was I had. Sometimes I really don't even know myself anymore. Stop acting desperate, no chick likes desperate....trust me on that.

 

Happy Holidays....even with a touch of the blues

May we find inner peace soon once again.....remember the good times.

 

Kuhl