Maverick32x Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 yes, sad indeed, but here I am..... quick aside I find it ironic that I write all this advice to help people... yet, here I am asking for my own help, and the worst part is that I even know the right answer (sort of) Okay, story time (for a more DETAILED story, feel free to look at some old posts) but in a nutshell -Started dating a girl a year ago, broke up in Feb. Long distance relationship, just didnt work out, too hard.. moderate jealousy issues We basically completely stopped talking after the break up... she would contact me or I would contact her every month or so.... rarely by phone... sometimes it was messages saying that she missed me, and was thinking about me.. but there was never anymore than that.... On my end, I've never been more in love in my entire life.. She had some MAJOR imperfections, but I really looked past that because we shared some really special time together, and something that I will never forget regardless of where our "relationship" goes... Well, to add some mix to all this, I've been starting to see a girl, that (what do ya know) lands me in a Long distance relationship again! I've made it clear that we are not b/f-g/f.. because of what happened in my last relationship, i just want to see how the distance thing is going.. and from what i can tell.. its not really goign to last with this new girl, even though she is really great too, I just cant keep this distance thing up!! OKAY!! so the exciting part~~ My ex-gf called me yesterday, and was EXTREMELY nervous on the phone, I could barely understand her she was talking so fast and broken up... well it turns out shes in my city for a week, and wanted to know if we could hang out tomorrow... It took me by complete surprise, so i told her I wouldn't be able to, and that I would try to work something out and call her.. she seemed a bit shocked, and just hastily got off the phone.... oh ya, I could totally of seen her, I just wanted things on my terms~ SO!!! now its decision time... I take a class from 1-10 the rest of this week, and will be taking a train to see the new girl on friday-sunday...and my ex-gf is about 45 mins away from me as it is right now... do I go see the ex?! Part of me wants to show her how much i kick butt right now, and walk right out of there without giving her a second chance.. and yea, I guess i'm just curious as to whats been going on in her life... it wasnt really a "bad" break up.. it just.. happened.. and then we kind of fell out of each others lives, and I felt like I meant nothing to her.. so yea, that kind of hurt.. but I guess the whole.. ex thing will do that okay, big post.. hope you read it.. I'm here to answer your questions/comment Oh ya, and she was a terrible girlfriend by the end of the relationship... really just a mean/selfish person.... Link to comment
EQD Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 do you think maybe you want to show her how much you 'kick butt' because part of you wants them to covet you and see what they lost? and is it quite possible that you do want to give it a second chance but you would see that as a weak move on your part so you arent ready to admit to that yet. point is.. you still have feelings for her. you feel like she ditched you so now you might want to make her feel like she is being ditched. Hence why you might have said 'i can't' when she called. being on 'your terms' makes you feel a bit bigger and guarded eh? i wouldnt go see her. revenge and or meetups is for people with hang-ups. which is the very thing that you are trying to get rid of.. and you are close. Why stop short and regress? Link to comment
AbsentMaverick Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Stop looking like Tom Cruise and all of your problems will disappear. Link to comment
livefree Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 You say that she got mean/selfish by the end. I highly doubt any of that has changed within this short period of time. People don't change fast, and often if they do, it won't last forever. I think it'd be best to steer clear from getting sucked back in rather than looking for some kind of reconciliation with her. You have potential with a new girl now--focus on that. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 yea i remember your older posts and how horrible she was towards the end. and kind of kept you hanging by a string. glad to see you aren't thinking of getting back with her. to be honest yea.. i would go see the ex lol. but not for so long that you let it take away from seeing your new gal (with whome it is not official just meet the ex for coffee or to catch up then to leave her in dust tell her your off to see your "friend". Link to comment
FreeYourMind Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Well of course you want to see you ex-girlfriend, it's totally normal since you have regrets on how you 2 broke up. The thing is... she probably have those regrets too. Now the question is: if you see her, where will it lead? You admit yourself that you're not into the long distance relationship thing, so even if you connect with her again will it lead you onto another long distance relationship and another bad breakup? Maybe she's not over you yet either and she might want to see if your relationship is salvageable. My advice: if you want to get back with her then go see her and do your best. If you're just curious and just want to catch up, or if you want to show her how well you do without her, then you're better off with your new girl. I always tought that when a relationship is broken, it should stay in the past. Meeting up with your ex-gf can only result in 3 things... 1) You will Remember the good times, catching up on each other life, staying friends. 2) You will both realise that you cannot live without each other and you will try to hook up again. 3) One of you will try to resolve some issues, transfert the gilt or try to put the blame of the relationship on the other one... (I'm just saying it might happen). People tend to want unfinished business to be over with and this might just be the case. A clean cut is still a cut tho... and it might not be that necessary. Personnaly I know it would be painful and I would be full of regret for doing so, but I would spend my time with the new girl, not looking back even if it hurts. Vengeance serve no purpose, it just leave a bitter taste. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 kk, Equestrian too true, I am trying to be guarded and it does make me feel pretty tough being able to say "no" to her.. even at a small level..... and ya, I'm sure a part of me does want it to somehow work out... but the last time I saw her.. she was the complete opposite of the girl i dated.. and I guess this is where things get a bit sticky... because I don't want to change her, or anything like that.... the added issue to this is that I've been thinking of her a lot.. which is just bad news... mostly because we met on the other side of the country, and this is about the time I left to go there... so yea, its been on my mind.. Maverick: I like Tom Cruise!!! LiveFree: Very true, touched on that briefly up there ^, and yea, the new girl is great, and I would hate to ruin it over someone like this (especially if shes still the same as the last I saw her) J+N: haha yea, I would want to keep it short and sweet... we met up like a week after the break up, did the whole sex thing.. and it felt just really weird.. I did NOT like it!! I don't plan on making our meeting long if it does happen~ Freeyourmind: Yes, Long distance relationships are a thing of the past for me, I can't do them anymore, and i know my ex travels A LOT now with her job, so there really is no chance for a relationship there. As for the blame placing, I really just put all the blame on her, probably not rightfully so, but I did.... she never communicated anything, I cant be expected to help work through things that she won't open up to... the haunting thing amongst all this is when she sends me texts or messages that are like: I was dreaming about you, I miss you, Don't forget about me.. and things such as that.... yet she makes no moves to maintain any sort of communication.. and I've tried to keep things friendly between us, and it just goes no where.... I would of liked to keep her as a friend, but I don't think that will ever really work out.... So yea, you guys gave me a lot to think about at any rate, I'm not going to call her back today, I will make a decision tomorrow on whether or not to see her..... if anything it will be for lunch or something, I'll be driving and make it close to home.. easy escape route ect... Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Don't do it, don't go see her. Call her back, tell her you have plans with the girl behind door #2, and say maybe next time your in town. Trust me that'll set her mind straight. Frist, you meet on your terms. Second, it demonstrates that you have a life outside of her. Third, you not a doormat. Rock on with your bad self! Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 from what you mention about the "haunting texts" hmm.. i would sadly NOT keep her as a friend. she seems like she is arund to mess with your head. or.. she just doesnt want you yet she doesnt want you moving on either. after reading that i wouldnt go see her , she doesnt seem worth the time even. and like someone said "vengeance really does serve no purpose" i guess. i mean just be happy and forget people who just create drama. thats the best thing to do. Link to comment
EQD Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 i agree that you shouldnt see her. you arent a doormat, you shouldnt be her ego boost, and you should be focusing on the future not the past. hard as it is to say its the truth. you have to know when you should move on to the next chapter. Those damn texts she is sending you are pitiful pathetic ways that a woman keeps a man thinking about her so she can feel better about herself that you are dangling around on a string. ignore them. I say dont be friends, dont talk, dont text. Move on. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 ok, here some honesty for all of you.. i feel like if i say "no, I'm seeing this other girl this weekend, maybe some other time" then thats it... i will never talk to my ex again.... is this a good/bad thing? I have no idea.... I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm really not over her... and no matter what I do to try to convince myself of that.. its not true.... so I know that if i were on your side of the computer, I would be telling myself to GET-OUT, she isnt worth it, and that if there really was a connection it will come later down the road..... But ya, on this side it looks like this is my rare oppurtunity to see her again, and it might be the last time... ;;; Link to comment
EQD Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 you have too much feeling for her still. that is dangerous. that will seriously screw you up. take it like this.. you have a cut, you can either scratch it or let it heal. When you see her you are basically going to be running a safety pin accross it. Now compare to the alternative where you go see your gal instead of meeting the ex.. you'd be strapping a bandaid on it and she is the neosporin. Take your pick. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 aight, good point... so should I just call her tomorrow/today? and just say, hey, I'm busy this week and will be out of town visiting a friend this weekend, maybe next time you're around~ the end? Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 ok, here some honesty for all of you.. i feel like if i say "no, I'm seeing this other girl this weekend, maybe some other time" then thats it... i will never talk to my ex again.... is this a good/bad thing? I totally disagree with you. She'll become jealous and obsessed over the fact that she can't control you. I’ll bet EQUESTRIANDYNAMO's next paycheck on it! Link to comment
EQD Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 i wouldnt call her. if she calls you be short and tell her you are too busy. personally if it were me i would say 'you know what, i've moved on. i have no reason to know you anymore and thats just how i feel. i wish you the best though. bye' I used this on an ex the other day.. worked great. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 lol, well I'm not trying to burn bridges there is real no reason to be mean about it~ Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 aight, good point... so should I just call her tomorrow/today? and just say, hey, I'm busy this week and will be out of town visiting a friend this weekend, maybe next time you're around~ the end? No, just say that you have plans already and that you hope she has a great trip. Don't say "Maybe next time you're around" that leads to an opening that would not be healthy for you. I agree with others that you should not meet up with her. Especially since you have unresolved feelings for her and she sounds manipulative. They say the best revenge is living well. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Mean?!? You have plans. That's not mean it's the facts. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 lol, i meant "mean" in what equestrian was saying.. the whole... "I have no reason to know you anymore" part.. but ok, so just have a good trip, I'm busy. the end. sounds good Link to comment
EQD Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 lol, well I'm not trying to burn bridges there is real no reason to be mean about it~ Burn a bridge to what? a woman who is using you for an ego boost, who is confused and doesnt know what she wants, the girl who broke your heart and changed into someone completely different who you do not live anywhere close to? pfft. i'd burn it and start over again fresh.. not keep all the baggage around for everyone to see. (not saying this is really 'baggage') Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 ok, well you've all convinced me to listen to my inner voice, and I'm going to call her tomorrow and tell her that I won't be able to see her this week. and thats it. no "next time" or anything like that.... and yea.... you guys are right.. this really isnt worth it.. there are a lot of girls out there.. and one girl in particular that actually likes me, and doesn't treat me like garbage.... and I get to see this one girl in a couple days! Link to comment
EQD Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 i am very excited for you Mr. Cruise. Let us all know how it goes. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 OK... time to do the happy dance. Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 ok, well you've all convinced me to listen to my inner voice, and I'm going to call her tomorrow and tell her that I won't be able to see her this week. and thats it. no "next time" or anything like that.... and yea.... you guys are right.. this really isnt worth it.. there are a lot of girls out there.. and one girl in particular that actually likes me, and doesn't treat me like garbage.... and I get to see this one girl in a couple days! Awesome!! You're doing GREAT! Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Well I decided to get it over with today, so I called her during my break between classes.. and go figure.. I got her voicemail.. so I told her "Hey, I'm just calling you back, and its not going to work this week, I'm busy with my classes all day, and this weekend I'll be in <___> visiting a friend. Have fun in Chicago and I'll talk to you later" And of course, no call back or anything.. guess she really did want to see me... Link to comment
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