2 Years later, still messed up.

[Shawk]

Dunno how exactly to explain my problem.. I think I just wanted to write about it lol

 

Anyways, It has been about 2 years since me and my ex broke up, everything was going good until lately I have been thinking about how much I miss her a lot, but tonight it got oh so much worse, I had a horrible dream about her that seemed so real. In the dream she phoned me wanting to hang out, so we hung out and wound up having sex, after, happy as all hell I went to make something for us to eat.. When I got back, she was getting dressed and heading out the door.. I kind of asked where she was going and she just Laughed at me and said bye..

 

So I wake up, and start realizing it was all a dream, and I feel like I did 2 years ago all over again.. The worst part is, I heard a sound in another room like a girl moaning.. I got up and checked and I actually imagined the sound from back 2 years ago when she cheated on me. What actually happened 2 years ago was I had been asleep in another room while she was working late and she cheated on me 2 rooms down thinking I wouldnt wake up or something.. Well, I did, and I just listend for 20 minutes till he left while packing my stuff.. I felt that all over again today, and it hurt, like hell.

 

Is this kind of stuff normal.. Like honestly, it has been 2 years and Ive had about 10 relationships with really amazing women that I don`t even give a chance because they are not like my ex was... She was my first real relationship and we were together for only 9 months, but it seems like 9 years or something.. Im 22 and hung up on some * * * * * that cheated on my 2 years ago, its destroying me life.. it has destroyed my life..

[Ellie2006]

IMHO, it's not so much about mourning for a lost ex BUT more about properly dealing with the pain of being cheated on by someone you trusted.

 

You say you gave up on some amazing women bc they "were not like your ex was" -- sorry if this sounds harsh but honestly, your ex sounds really messed up -- cheating on you while you're sleeping in the same house. If these other women were "amazing," then certainly they would have been nothing like your ex.

 

If I were you, I'd be glad such a callous and untrustworthy person is out of my life and focus on healing the wounds inflicted by a past trauma.

 

Good luck to you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with Ellie. Perhaps you had the dream now because you are feeling particularly lonely, and it is not so much that you are missing your ex.

[Clarity]

I had a bad dream today too, after 1.5 years since the breakup. Not as bad as yours, but I dreamt that I called up my Ex and just cried into the phone, there was no response on the other end, just someone listening. We all have small relapses, I guess. Hang in there buddy, you will be fine.

[lonelygemini]

Hang in there. It took me about 4 years to be completely over my ex, to the point if I don’t speak to him before I die, I wouldn’t mind.

 

I kept romanticizing him and it affected my relationships. Unlike you, I think I chose crappy guys to show that there was no one in this world as wonderful as my ex. Because my ex mostly behaved until we broke up. However, I tired of this after a time and reevaluated my ex. Would such a wonderful person:

 

-Leave you hanging when your chips are down (he refused to contact me while my dad was seriously and sometimes critically ill in the hospital for months)?

 

-Call only to brag about how many girls he’s bagged since you broke up?

 

-Try to test your feelings for months, only to find out he has a girlfriend and is very pregnant?

 

-Emails you to pretend to see how you’re doing only to not respond to the email at all and does the same thing the next year?

 

-Pretends to have feelings for you (only to test the waters) only to slam you for wanting to break up a happy home once you reveal that you do still have some feelings for him?

 

The last incident was the last straw for me, because I felt like there was some entrapment going on. Now, you are probably on NC, so you don’t have many incidents to draw upon as far as your ex goes. But whenever you get that lonely feeling or feel not quite enough with a current gf, remember what she did to you. It’ll take some time, but you’ll make it through!

[Shawk]

That's crazy, cause that is pretty much 4 things that happened alot either during our relationship or 5 months after we broke up.. she constantly called just to make sure I was still sitting at hope crying over her. Then you got the friendships with benefits thing.. it just felt like she was having sex with me till she could find someone suitable for her needs, constantly reminded day after day that we were just friends, constantly turned down to hang out.. a year ago I was a complete wreck and she loved it.. Sometimes I think if I killed myself it would only have boosted her ego.

 

That's horrible about your dad.. anytime anything would happen with her, id be there in a heartbeat.. when I got in a car accident it took 2 days for her to get to the hostpital lol.

 

Thanks for the encouragment guys, thankfully this only happens every 2 weeks or so, I'm lonely but that's something I have to face, I am just not in a position to be with anyone else and everytime I try I hurt the other person because I can't seem to love them or stop comparing them to my ex... And knowing how this feels, there is no way in hell id do that to anyone, id rather shoot myself in the foot then hurt someone like she hurt me.

[DontPanic08]

Dreams can be funny old things. Sometimes they reflect real life as a way of trying to sort out unresolved anxieties. I had a painful split from my ex a year and a half ago and found myself having odd dreams where I was lying in bed with the bed covers so tight that I couldn't move. My ex was sleeping with the guy she cheated on me with in a bed next to me, freaky stuff but I'm sure on a psychoanalytical level probably makes perfect sense. I wouldn't say I'm totally over my ex, I still have the odd relapse but I have tentatively started seeing someone new and as the months go by I find myself less affected by it all.

[arcadefire]

I had some awkward dreams myself of seeing my ex again, but it all ended up in eventual rejection in some form or another, even if it seems to be going well. I wouldn't think much about it, sure it does occupy your thoughts for the day, but the best way to move on is to stop thinking about them, you know? Keep yourself busy, and please, find yourself a decent girl who won't cheat on you. You owe yourself at least that. Chin up.

[raven98030]

It have been 2 years my kids mom cheated o me.we was together for 9 years when I find out and it was on fathers day and my b-day was not all the great.but I find it easier if you have someone who cares about you and how what is going on easier.and she will not move out but she keep telling me she is going to and we have not sleep together in a year.