Andy_2007 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Hi all, Haven't posted on here in quite a while, but the guys who are at similar time periods to me posting their updates have inspired me So, eleven months have passed since she dumped me and ran off with another guy, and where am I? Well, I do (like the others) still think about her a great deal. Up until last week, I would admit that I still wanted to hear from her and might well have met up with her should she contact me to do so. But something happened last week that has put the whole thing on its head. My mum works close to where the ex used to live with her parents, before she moved out to start her 'exciting new life' with her new bf. This doesn't seem to have worked out as her car is constantly there at all hours and mum's seen her jogging on several occasions at early hours. So from that, something must've gone pear-shaped for her to move back home. Also, she's got fat. I know, it sounds shallow to mention it, but it is a big deal. I have always thought of my ex as being a sporty, fit, attractive, toned, pretty girl...but she now appears to have piled on a lot of weight and looks dumpy and bad. So I can't even cling on to the memory of who she was on a sexual level now. So, I should be dead happy shouldn't I? It looks like she's come crawling home to mamma and things have gone wrong and she's let herself go! The chances her her wonderful relationship has fallen apart - she'd never have let herself go like that with me. Me, happy? Not really. Just feel sad. Sad she took the path she did and sad that I no longer want her on any level, be it emotional or physical. So, yeah. I'm over her. But I still feel low as there is nobody else at all. I'm in my mid-thirties and the amount of single women (who I'd be attracted to) out there is very small. I've found no-one and am increasingly thinking that meeting someone I actually like, who likes me, isn't with someone and hasn't got kids...would be like winning the lottery. Not good for self-esteem that's still trying to recover from being dumped. Oh, I'm accomplishing things in other aspects of my life...I'm better off than I ever have been. But I'm lonely and bored a lot of time. I miss the companionship (and obviously sex!). It's weird to feel bad that I'm over the ex. Strange to finally accept that I wouldn't want her back even if she did contact me again. Feels like I'm really swinging in the wind now. Maybe that's why some people take ages to get over the ex, because focusing on them is better than focusing on no-one, which is where I am now. The solution to this probelm is either meeting a new girl or just coming to terms better with being single. The first seems highly unlikely right now and the second just sounds godawful. Hence...still feeling low about stuff. Link to comment
Purple1 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Well maybe because you know that focussing on your ex due to lonliness isn't helping you will soon get to the next stage where you will meet someone else. It takes time for things happen. But keep being positive and only good things will come. At 34 there are still plenty of single people out there in the same situation as you. Just be glad that your ex left when she did and it wasn't 10 years into the future! Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Hi Andy Great to hear from you and thanks for the update. I kind of know where you are at with regard to finding out your ex has gone down hill. My ex fell whilst drunk and broke her nose and now it has a big lump on it. She bought a flat 3 months ago - right at the peak of the market and she is still all depressed and working silly hours. Sounds like a wonderful life. It is sad that people choose different paths that perhaps don't work out rather than being with us and it is sad that what they chose can ultimately make us not want them any longer on any level. But what can you do? These are apparently intelligent and mature people - you cannot make their choices for them. You struck a chord with the not meeting anyone else bit. My ex didn't want any children and that was a BIG checkbox for me - and yes - I thought I kind of won the lottery there because that was the icing on the cake for me. It is only natural to think that the likelyhood of meeting someone who you find attractive on all levels will become more and more remote - and mate - I have a few years on you! But your best bet is to keep yourself busy - go out with your mates - enjoy singledom. You say you are bored at times so why not start a new hobby? In my experience - love comes and finds you out when you are least expecting it - when you are not even looking. As time passes you will begin to enjoy your own company - enjoy being single. Nobody knows what is around the corner, do they now?! Keep your chin up mate. Mark Link to comment
Andy_2007 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 At 34 there are still plenty of single people out there in the same situation as you. Just be glad that your ex left when she did and it wasn't 10 years into the future! Amen to that! It's bizarre, I think back on how I felt a few months ago, thinking she'd never be replaced in my heart and mind, and here I am, actively knowing I wouldn't take her back and wanting somebody better and knowing that if I get lucky, i'll meet her. Link to comment
Andy_2007 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 Keep your chin up mate. Mark Mark, buddy! How the hell are ya? Ouch, sounds like yours has fallen off a cliff like mine. You gotta ask yoursefl what goes on in people's minds that they do what they do in dumping us and then lose it subsequently. Sub-conscious masochism? Immaturity? Combination of both? I don't know... And I am keeping myself busy, in all honesty, it's just that there's really no replacement for that companionship and togetherness you feel with a significant other. On hot sunny days, it tends to grate even more to think that a time ago, I had a beautiful girl to go on walks in the forest or beach with... Sigh... Ah well, perhaps your right and somebody will pop up when i least suspect it. hate leaving things in the lap of the gods like that though...tend to be a bit of a control freak Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Hey Andy! Well - as you ask - not so good this year! I put my back out 2 months ago and trapped a nerve. It has been a friggin nightmare because some days I have not even been able to drive - frustrating as hell. But thankfully, it seems to be on the mend now! I have learned to stop questioning the whys and whatnots of what goes through their minds because mate - it'll drive you crazy trying! I know what you mean about the companionship, the togetherness, the sex. But all that stuff will come around again. You know what - this may sound lame but the biggest help to me in this regard was that I inherited a dog towards the end of last summer. I can't tell you the pleasure she has given me. It is such a joy to walk through the woods and down to the stream and watch her splash about with other dogs. It is also actually one of the most sociable activities I have ever come accross. Now of course that has gone out the window these last couple of months but I can't wait to get back out there again (no pun intended!). I think you need to try and relax a bit more - because the harder you look - the less you will find. That's my experience anyway! Mark Link to comment
Andy_2007 Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 I think you need to try and relax a bit more - because the harder you look - the less you will find. That's my experience anyway! you know what? i'm gonna try that...the other way is doing me no good! Link to comment
stereoeclectic Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 i'm 10 months out of my relationship. i'm 33. the dating scene sucks now. i honestly didn't like dating when i was 25. now there are so few people that it's not worth it. i tried for a while this past fall and then gave up. Link to comment
novaseeker Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 i'm 10 months out of my relationship. i'm 33. the dating scene sucks now. i honestly didn't like dating when i was 25. now there are so few people that it's not worth it. i tried for a while this past fall and then gave up. That particular age is a bit of a lull because of the sheer number of people getting married now between say 28 and 34. Once you hit the late 30s it opens up a bit because of the wave of divorces that hits beginning in the mid-30s. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Andy,your in the UK,try those dating sites,theres loads of women on there and some are top draw.The summer is hre and women ar everywhere just get out there. CLABS,luv posts man,your allways positive and helped me,keep it up.. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Thanks Nic for your kind words - glad it is helping! Mark Link to comment
shayna Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 haha- I just had to post because I was feeling the same thing but I'm a woman of 33 and 11 months out of a 9 year relationship- so we are out there (but just stuck on our exes). Being a single woman at this age seems even worse- you know how it goes- bachelors get sexier with age but bachelorlettes are just sad. And I only have one single friend left- 2 just got engaged this week alone! This totally sucks. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Hey shayna I don't think bacherloettes are sad! I know how you feel about all your friends getting engaged/married. The trouble with that stuff is that it just adds to the pressure to find someone else and that is no good at all. Try and relax hun - take your time - ok? You have got plenty of time! Mark Link to comment
shayna Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Hey again It's not exactly pressure to find someone, its just I would like to have someone to hang out with at the very least (since the couples always seem to have to have their SO in tow with them and if that SO can't make, it neither can my friend). Just spoke with the ex on Sunday and we were reminiscing about how when he and I were together, we weren't like that at all! Link to comment
Belle Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 That particular age is a bit of a lull because of the sheer number of people getting married now between say 28 and 34. Once you hit the late 30s it opens up a bit because of the wave of divorces that hits beginning in the mid-30s. You promise? Link to comment
Belle Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Andy, I actually prefer your situation to help me heal over an ex. It's the preventive measure of going back. I'm no longer attracted, and I get to see how their poor choices (in a couple of cases) really landed them in a bad place. I'm guessing that you only feel sad because you haven't found someone else that gives you hope and makes you realize there will be someone else. It sounds like there's no going back (since you're not really interested anymore) so I wouldn't waste my time feeling sad about it. I think it's worse when you are still attracted but they're making poor choices. Loss of attraction helps me get over an ex quicker than anything. Link to comment
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