Strip Chess Dude Friend-zoned me

[sbux_addict]

Here's the update on this:

 

 

 

So we had the "date" last night and decided to meet at a lounge place first and then decide where we should play. In short, it was too weird of a date for a couple of different reasons:

 

1) From the onset of the date, he was acting really weird. First off - his cellphone rang, and he took it out of his pocket, as angled it as if to make sure I see the caller ID, and it was from some girl. He didn't pick up, but I recognize the name from his facebook, and it was the same name as this girl whom he hung out with before, and left messages on his wall, with a "dating" tone. So that kind ruined my mood.

 

2) He asked about my other girlfriend who I took with me the first time we met him. I told her I hung out with her that same day, and told her that I helped her out looking for an apartment at the area he lives in. He said that maybe I should tell her to room with him, because he's looking for a roommate, and he thought that she would be a cool roommate. Then he got giddy as he said that, and he rubbed his two hands together...like the {language} ? He then asked how come she wasn't on my facebook list, and that I should tell her to sign up for facebook, blah, blah....I was like, ok?!? Is this what this is all about?

 

3) He mentioned that he used to work at retail and that he liked retail because you could easily make friends, and he likes talking to girls and easily impress them. OK? Is that supposed to make you look cool?

 

So we ended up going to his place after the lounge, and played strip chess - don't worry, I did not end up exposing my bishop, or him exposing his king. But he said something like, "Oh, that's too bad you didn't see my king." He probably mentioned that twice, so I just said, "Well, I probably just lost the desire to." because I had to resign because he was pretty close to beating me. I wasn't close to stripping down though.

 

So the goodbye part. Well, at least he walked me to my car. And we were there, he asked me if I was still talking to my ex. I told him that I haven't talked to him since their graduation because he's been acting weird, and he said that everybody's been acting weird, including him, because of the bar exams. Then he goes, "I don't think you should burn bridges." and then I said, "Oh yeah, I know, C and I have been really good friends for a long time, and we just go through phases..." then he goes, "Well, I'm not opposed to C, you and I hanging out again, or you and I hanging out again..." and then I said, yes, I agree. Then he asked if he could give me a hug, I did, and then he said, "See you around."

 

I'm sort of crushed but he did mention once or twice that we should play chess again. He would make deep, intense eye contact, but bleh, the date was doomed from the get go. What do you guys think? I need advice so I can just move on from here.

[Daddy Bear]

I think he wanted you to know that he was desirable and not desperate, maybe also get a jealous reaction out of you? I dunno, but it sounds pretty juvenile to me.

[annie24]

ug, i dated a guy like this once when i was 19. he'd ask me out, but kept mentioning other girls on the date or kept bringing up exes at totally the most random times. i'd say, 'did you ever watch such-and-such movie?' and he said, 'yes, it was my 3rd date with my ex-gf.' (when a 'yes, i liked that movie' would have sufficed!) or he'd talk about going to play videogames, with a friend, but he'd make sure that i knew his friend was a girl, like he put a lot of emphasis on the fact he was spending time with his friend SARA, as opposed to him playing videogames with a friend. but he kept asking me out. it was so weird. eventually, i gave up, i didn't have time for these juvenille games. he eventually dated my roommate and did the same to her! i think he's just socially weird, probably wants you to think 'highly' of him having all these girls 'chasing him', but it's clearly having the opposite effect. probably same as your guy (hhmmmm.... maybe it's the same guy!!! )

[PoisonIvy]

Seems like he's playing games to make you jealous/more interested; pretty much what everyone else said. I'd ditch him, at this point. Find someone who is 'down' with talking about YOU at some point during the conversation, and won't play silly games to toy with you.

[dream83]

I'm sorry you had a bad date. I've been there, too. Dated a guy like this, and it turned out the be in some ways the worst relationship I've ever been in. The games never stopped. He was incredibly juvenile, had low self-esteem, and ego issues. I think you should be glad that you're turned off by this guy after only one date because if you were to date him it might lead to him constantly disregarding your feelings (probably in increasingly worse ways) just to make himself look/feel better.

 

I mean who wants to be around people like that??? I probably would have walked out halfway through the date and never called or written him again. He needs to grow up.

[Batya33]

It sounds like his interest in you before the meeting and during the meeting was consistent - I didn't get from what you wrote in your earlier post that he was interested in dating you with potential for a relationship. I think his behavior at the lounge was rude and I am surprised you agreed to go back to his place after he behaved that way. I am not surprised at how he behaved for the remainder of the night because it was consistent with his behavior at the lounge.

[sbux_addict]

It sounds like his interest in you before the meeting and during the meeting was consistent - I didn't get from what you wrote in your earlier post that he was interested in dating you with potential for a relationship. I think his behavior at the lounge was rude and I am surprised you agreed to go back to his place after he behaved that way. I am not surprised at how he behaved for the remainder of the night because it was consistent with his behavior at the lounge.

 

So are you saying that he probably never liked me liked me?

[sbux_addict]

I mean who wants to be around people like that??? I probably would have walked out halfway through the date and never called or written him again. He needs to grow up.

 

I was too stupid, I suppose. Thought I'd finish the date and see where it would go, apparently, it didn't change.

[Batya33]

So are you saying that he probably never liked me liked me?

 

No, I am saying he wasn't interested in dating you with potential for a long term relationship and his behavior while you were with him is consistent with that. He might like you as a person, sure, and he might be attracted to you and want to have sex with you, but unless things change I don't think he sees potential for a relationship with you.

[dream83]

You weren't stupid, you were giving him a chance to redeem himself. At least you didn't give him any more of your time (or of yourself) than one silly chess game. Look at it this way, you're smart for recognizing this guy's lack of potential early on.

[sbux_addict]

God, I can't believe I put up with his [edit]. His juvenile dating behaviour could be best explained by the fact that he's a virgin at 23 (I couldn't believe it either) and that he started pretty late in the dating game. That's what he told me, and he said that's classified information. Faux pas after faux pas - this is the worst first date I've ever had in my life!!!!

[sbux_addict]

You weren't stupid, you were giving him a chance to redeem himself. At least you didn't give him any more of your time (or of yourself) than one silly chess game. Look at it this way, you're smart for recognizing this guy's lack of potential early on.

 

Thanks dream, I'm in much need of a confidence-booster right now

[annie24]

You weren't stupid, you were giving him a chance to redeem himself. At least you didn't give him any more of your time (or of yourself) than one silly chess game. Look at it this way, you're smart for recognizing this guy's lack of potential early on.

 

yes, i agree - it's good to give people a chance, you did, and he didn't rise to it. and $5 says he calls you and asks you out again!

 

i don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin at 23. it's ok to take it slow or be a late bloomer, etc..... but if he is doing this with all his dates, no wonder why he hasn't had any luck in the love department!

[sbux_addict]

i don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin at 23. it's ok to take it slow or be a late bloomer, etc..... but if he is doing this with all his dates, no wonder why he hasn't had any luck in the love department!

 

Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin at 23 either, but what I'm saying is, I was pretty shocked that he is still a virgin because he brought up that whole strip chess thing. Maybe he was looking for someone to divirginized him, and he probably thought it would be me....hahaha! Either that or that's the line he always uses to girls....

[Batya33]

I don't think you were stupid - you decided that hanging out with him to play strip chess was worth the risk that he might not be into you as a potential girlfriend. It's not helpful for you in the long run to decide that he is a jerk and a loser - he behaved in a jerky way but his behavior before you met up seemed inappropriate and maybe jerky too but at that point you decided that you liked him enough to meet up with him. It's only one meeting - you checked things out and it looks like this is not a good match for you, chess or otherwise.

 

I was a virgin past 23 and hooked up with people - I didn't see anything inconsistent with that and I felt good about my choice to wait.

[annie24]

Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin at 23 either, but what I'm saying is, I was pretty shocked that he is still a virgin because he brought up that whole strip chess thing. Maybe he was looking for someone to divirginized him, and he probably thought it would be me....hahaha! Either that or that's the line he always uses to girls....

 

'strip chess' is a really bizarre idea for a first date. sounds more like a wacky idea a 15 year old boy would have. he sounds rather odd. i don't know - maybe he is a good guy, but has no social clue.

[dream83]

I think it's perfectly fine to be a virgin until 23. But, based on his behavior, I would venture to guess that he's having some sort of sexual apprehension that causes him to act like a 15 year old boy...suggesting strip chess and sticking to it so persistently, constantly having trying to show that other women find him attractive. He's probably judging himself negatively for being a virgin or is afraid that people see him a certain way. thereforeee he feels a need to act out his idea of "cool."

 

My ex was a virgin until he was 28 and still thinks it's just this huge deal (he's in his 30s now). He definitely acted like a 15 year old boy at times, but he was pretty immature in other ways, too.

[servedcold]

He's extremely inexperienced, may improve over time, may not. If this is the worst date you ever have in your life, consider yourself extremely lucky. You will be able to laugh about this klutzy date sooner rather than later after the annoyance clears. Look forward to that! and yes, definitely move on to the next opportunities, which will be much better I betcha.

 

This guy sounds exactly like me in the distant past, but at 17, not 23.

 

Not sure I buy the "virgin" line, as virginal men don't tend to be very assertive about getting women to do things like play strip chess. He could be using that as a cheezy way to get sympathy sex. Who knows whether this is the case, just seems to fit his MO for some reason.

 

One other thing, my crystal ball says he will make another play for you soon, and may actually think the date went well. Just tell him that your chess clock has expired where he's concerned. Hmm, I think he will contact again for another "fun" date within 7 days. Let us know if I'm wrong about this...

[sbux_addict]

Thanks everyone for your replies. The thing that really bugs me the most is that thing about my girlfriend. I even thought at first that he liked her when we all hung out together because I just sensed that he did. And then it was bolstered by him asking me to tell her to sign up for facebook. I don't know if he's just using me to get to her, or whatnot. I still don't even know what to define that get together or encounter. I just feel really crappy that someone could do such a rude and unacceptable behavior!

[Batya33]

Yes, but he made it clear from the way he behaved before the date that he missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught so it doesn't sound surprising that he continued that behavior while on the date.

[sbux_addict]

So another thought occurred to me:

 

Maybe he was trying to make sure that it wasn't a date, and that he would probably never "date" me, but he wanted to get some action? God, I know I should just move on and let this thing go, but I really need rational reasoning to be able to do that!

[annie24]

So another thought occurred to me:

 

Maybe he was trying to make sure that it wasn't a date, and that he would probably never "date" me, but he wanted to get some action? God, I know I should just move on and let this thing go, but I really need rational reasoning to be able to do that!

 

no. i just think that he was socially inept, trying to impress you with all these stories of 'other women who want him.' i think that he was hoping to awaken your competitive spirit or something! well, he certainly made an impression on you!!!

[novaseeker]

no. i just think that he was socially inept, trying to impress you with all these stories of 'other women who want him.' i think that he was hoping to awaken your competitive spirit or something! well, he certainly made an impression on you!!!

 

This.

 

He's been reading too much on the internet about how to make women interested by seeming to be "in demand".

 

God, men need to get some self-respect and self-esteem. But yes for you, this one is not very socially skilled. Move on.

[wurth_skidder]

A guy can seem to be in demand without flaunting it. Flaunting it is always going to get the opposite reaction. Makes it seem more like he's making up for his shortcomings by talking about being desired by lots of women than actually being desired by all the women.

[dream83]

You're a woman. He's a little boy. He didn't know how to handle himself, so he ended up looking silly. Bottom line.