Your thoughts on open relationships

[Borashi]

Me and a female friend of mine were discussing cheating and how if we were in a relationship, the best way to prevent that would be to have an open relationship.

 

My definition of that would be we have the freedom to be with other people as long as we practice safe sex yet we wouldn't have to tell each other about our experiences.

 

Do you feel this is a good idea? What are your thoughts on open relationships?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Borashi - Not an uncommon topic....

 

I would imagine it is a possible feat - there ARE those who can do it.

 

I think it takes a confident and secure person though as it is rarely what it seems in practice what it does in theory.

[knightingale]

I don't really see the point in them. If you're going to sleep with other people, why have any kind of romantic relationship with someone else? It may sound good in theory, but someone will ultimately wind up just getting hurt in the end. It's essentially a FWB situation, which as long as there are zero romantic feelings between the two, it might

work. But eventually one of you would want more.

 

So. No, I don't think it's a good idea.

[Batya33]

Part of what I cherish in being in an exclusive relationship is that we are not sexually intimate with other people, that we do not go on dates or look to go on dates with other people - for me, that deepens the bond, the trust and the caring. Cheating is not inevitable - cheating just means that the person's values allow him or her to break a promise to his or her partner.

[Enigmatika]

..."open" relationship = 0

 

My thought on the matter.

[i_win]

I think an open relationship requires an immense amount of security and communication. So, by not telling the other person about your other encounters I think really ruins the line of communication. And I think deep down each partner would have trust issues since you really don't know what is going on when they aren't around. How many have they slept with, who have the slept with, was the sex really safe, etc.

 

And there are still plenty of STI/STDs you can get despite condom use. I personally would be so paranoid everytime I slept with my partner not knowing if I was completely safe from an STD or not - because I truly don't know what she's been doing or who she's been doing it with. Scary.

 

I have had plenty of friends over the years that have experimented with an open relationship and I have only seen ONE that actually worked out. And I think a big reason for this was because they were both complete drug addicts and didn't have any care in the world or self worth when it came to their bodies. As long as they were getting high they didn't care about their partner.

 

I think that if there is even a teeny, tiny ounce of jealousy in either partner that it will eventually rise to the surface and cause problems.

[Maya_A]

You asked for thoughts...

 

Mine is that "open-relationship" seems like an oxymoron, or contradiction in terms.

 

I'm not even sure it exists! What I mean, is isn't it just dating anyway? What makes a romantic relationship (as opposed to dating) just that, seems to be the monogamy of it. Isn't being intimate with more than one just dating a bunch of people?

 

Even if the person sees one main person more, are they not just basically seeing one of their dating partners more than others?

 

Now I'm thinking that some who are married have decided to have an "open relationship"... At that point I think the marriage is over if you want to be intimate with others while married.

 

Anyway, IMHO, the majority of times that someone sleeps with one main person and a new intimate partner/s is brought into the picture, it is a train wreck in the making...

[arcadefire]

I don't think open relationships can work out well in the end. It's best to say you two are FWB and no strings attached. Or better yet just break up so you can actually see other people without feeling guilty.

 

So in a way I don't think being in an open relationship requires any sort of security or communication whatsoever. It involves none of that. A real relationship requires security and communication.

[Batya33]

I don't think being cool with an open relationship means you are very secure. It simply could mean that you want the benefits of commitment without the responsibility.

[wtm78]

no good.. soon enough one of you will be eaten up by jealousy

[novaseeker]

The main problem is that while it sounds fine in theory (i.e., we are committed to each other, and sometimes we will have sex with others, but it is "only sex" and we are still emotionally committed to each other), that's very hard to pull off in practice. People *do* attach due to sex, people *will* become attracted to other sex partners in ways that threaten the "main" relationship, often.

 

Honestly, I think that the only way that this can work out is if both partners are experienced at practicing polyamory and comfortable with the idea of their partner not just having sex with others, but loving others as well. There are very, very few people who can deal with that emotionally (I'm not one of them), but if you both are people who can (not likely, but possible), then it's a possibility.

[ghost69]

no good.. soon enough one of you will be eaten up by jealousy

 

i agree with this 100%. if jealous never happens, you were never really into each other.

[tangi39]

The main problem is that while it sounds fine in theory (i.e., we are committed to each other, and sometimes we will have sex with others, but it is "only sex" and we are still emotionally committed to each other), that's very hard to pull off in practice. People *do* attach due to sex, people *will* become attracted to other sex partners in ways that threaten the "main" relationship, often.

.

 

 

I agree- IMVHO, if you don't feel even a little jealous, you're not really in love. If you really are deeply in love, there's no way you'd want to share them with anyone. AND even if you didn't talk about it- you'd always wonder what they were doing and if they enjoyed the other person more than you sexually- it's human nature.

I don't think cheating is inevitable. I think with an open relationship breakup is inevitable.

[catwalk]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how wrong you mostly are!

 

Why bother commenting on how an open relationship would work if you are not and have not been in one? That's like saying how well a marriage works if you've never been even close to being married! Doesn't make ANY sense.

 

There's a few of us on here in 'normal' pural relationships (aka open) and we are VERY happy, thank you very much!

 

OP - no, I don't think the open relationship would work if you never told each other about your other partners. Pural R's are about 100% total trust and even more so, communication. If my boyfriend slept with a girl without clearing it with me first, I would feel VERY hurt & cheated on!

BUT, the way you mentioned may work for some, not sure how.....

 

And no, I am not jealous, ever. I don't think you should have to feel PAIN to know you are in love! I'm happier than I've ever been and I think it has a lot to do with my awesome relationship, which is 'open'.

 

So there you go, a post from someone who actually has experience.

[Enigmatika]

If you really are deeply in love, there's no way you'd want to share them with anyone.

Tend to view "open relationships" as humans behaving like dogs in heat.

 

When the female is in heat, every male dog in the neighborhood wants to hump her silly. Then the dog fights start... big noise and some blood letting

 

If several females are in heat, they are humping each other and fighting over the only male in the group. more noise and letting of blood..

 

Dogs are by definition then: Polyamorous it works for them even with the blood letting.

Why should humans be any different....lol

 

Social Anthropology of Autralopithicus canis....Fortunately not all evolved from the same branch...

[anggrace]

An open relationship "to prevent cheating"? How about just finding someone trustworthy and being faithful. It can be done.

 

Now if you wanted an open relationship because it was something you both desired than Id see that as cause to try it out. Some people can pull it off. I could not. I don't share. Intimacy is way to much of a personal thing to just throw around. It bonds us and is something special.

[Mr. Brightside]

Mine is that "open-relationship" seems like an oxymoron, or contradiction in terms.

 

My thoughts exactly. It's just an excuse to ignore responsibility and accountability. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that... to each his own.

 

If you can handle more than one woman at once, more power to you because one is definitely enough hard work for me. But then again I am a firm believer that you can never give enough even to one relationship, so two is just short changing everyone involved, even yourself.