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On May 25th I lost my only brother in a horrible car accident. He ran into a wall. It was so horrible that he died instantly. The first couple days even through the wake and the burial, I barely even cried. I felt pain but I didn't cry. Everyone said I was strong, I felt that way too. However, now I feel horrible. I feel so depressed, I don't want to do anything. I have no energy, all I want to do is cry. I just want to be in his room. When I go to sleep, I feel like I don't get any rest. I feel a huge hole in my heart and it wont leave me alone. I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack. My heart is racing....please help. I am now the oldest in the family and I am supposed to be the one to be strong for them, but how can I do this when I am falling appart?

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its okay to cry, dont put all that pressure on yourself thinking you have to 'not cry' or not break down because your family is... counting on you not to. that doesnt make too much sense. This is not a cat or a dog, he was your brother. You don't have to hold it in, and you dont have to be ashamed.

Grief is different for everyone. some people are so shocked that they go through a 'numbing' stage before they can really grasp what just happened. that is normal.

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My deepest sympathies.....


I understand the pain you feel right now is overwhelming. Although he is gone from the physical world, he is still very much near you in spirit. He would not want you to grieve for him. In life we only want our loved ones to endure happiness, I believe that in death as well. When they leave us, they don't want us to be stricken with grief and unable to deal with everyday life. Know that your brother is near, he wants you to be comforted. Keep his spirit and memory alive with positive and happy memories of him. In time, you will see that it hurts a little less.



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There is a time to be strong and there is a time to be human. Grief isn't something you can bottle up, it has to come out at some point. It sounds to me like you where in shock to begin with and that's why you didn't cry much. The pain you feel now is there only for one reason and that is because you love your brother. So you cry for him and feel the pain because it is there as a mark of love.


Don't feel you have to be strong for other people, this is a time to let your emotions come out.

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I am so very sorry. My deepest condolences go out to you and your family at this very difficult time.

It is not weak to cry. You don't have to be strong for anyone but yourself. You are allowed to grieve. The process is different for everyone. But you are entitled to grieve however you need to. If you need to cry, cry. I hope that in time you can sit back and remember him with a smile on your face.

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Hope your doing ok today.

I lost my only brother as well, i can assure you you will feel ok one day again, i never thought that was possible.my brother passed away 8 years ago. i miss him still, i feel sad still,but i can honestly say that now i can smile more about fond memories i have of him.

i dont have anything to say that can make you feel better, but im here to listen.take your own time to heal, i made a memory book of my brother, and made one for my parents as well, i still look thru it and cry but it did help me.


my thoughts are with you and your family.

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lunarstar, I am so sorry for your loss.


I also lost my older brother in a car accident, which happened about 7 years ago, and I understand the numbness, and then the weight of pain you feel.


It is perfectly ok to feel the pain you are feeling... and it is perfectly ok to let it out. You say you are now the oldest in your family and you are supposed to be strong... yet you are supposed to grieve as well... that is what we do when we love.


I know what helped me tremendously in my own grief was just to take some moments and really recognize just how loved my brother truly was... not just by me, but by the rest of my family and his own friends... even people I hadn't seen in quite some time. When tragedy like this strikes, there is a lot of love and support to be found.


Let yourself feel the pain... let yourself cry. Your brother will never leave you though, and you should know that. He just never will.

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