dream83 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 What does it mean if during the course of conversation a guy asks you when was the last time you had sex? I mean clearly he wants to know the answer to his question, but why? What is a man likely thinking if he asks that? Where does this sort of question come from, and what makes a guy decide to ask this? If it makes a difference, let's say this isn't a guy I just met. It's someone I dated for a little while in the past (it didn't get really serious), and I'm revisiting the idea of dating him again after we recently got back in touch. I'll also add that this guy has been trying to keep contact with me since we stopped dating a long time ago, but I haven't reciprocated until recently (for much of that time I wasn't single anyway). To be fair, he was in the process of asking if I was seeing anyone and was telling me that he hasn't been in a relationship in a while when he asked the question. Was this a normal question for a guy to ask at this point under the given circumstances? I'm just not quite sure how I should feel about this, and I don't want to read his signals wrong. I think it's clear that he has some sort of sexual interest...but is that all that I should assume from this? Basically that he wants to pounce on my like a horny cheetah and wants to know who else I've been with? All answers are welcome, but I'd especially like to get inside the male brain on this one. Link to comment
shattered heart. Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 He;s looking to take the next step and now needs to weed out how sex will eventually be with you... He wants to know your value on sex. Is it meaningless? special. Wait till he asks the question of how many men you have slept with..I dread this part of the relationship.. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 He;s looking to take the next step and now needs to weed out how sex will eventually be with you... He wants to know your value on sex. Is it meaningless? special. Wait till he asks the question of how many men you have slept with..I dread this part of the relationship.. do all guys ask this?? :S Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 p.s. to answer the OP's question - I have had guys I met from online dating ask this, and they typically were the ones who were trying to gauge if I seemed 'sex-deprived' i.e. haven't had it in a while, and thereforeeee it would be easier to "jump" me. I could definitely tell that they wanted sex with me ASAP... but for some men, esp. in this case, he probably is just curious as to whether you have dated other guys when you were not with him and if you had sex while you were both on a break in your relationship... likely curiosity, but also he may be interested in having sex with you sooner than later and wants to see how you feel about that Link to comment
Yates33 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 As a male I can tell you that a guy can have different reasons for asking that question, ranging from being a creepy pervert with no social etiquette to being someone who has an open communication with you and feels comfortable asking you that. It can be anything. You know him, we don't...you should have a better idea why he is asking you that. I wouldn't ask a girl that period. To me it implies that I believe the girl is really sexually active and I am curious to see when is the last time she "did it" either because I want to sleep with her, or want to get her in the mood for sex, usually the latter. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I would find it a rude question. I would respond "sorry, that's personal" unless it was in the context of us discussing STD testing in connection with our plan to have sex. Link to comment
Creative Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 To me it implies that I believe the girl is really sexually active and I am curious to see when is the last time she "did it" either because I want to sleep with her, or want to get her in the mood for sex, usually the latter. I think the intent is more universal than diverse. And I think your reasoning is right on this one. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I would find it a rude question. I would respond "sorry, that's personal" unless it was in the context of us discussing STD testing in connection with our plan to have sex. That's a good answer. I've had soooooo many rude guys press with this though (at least 10) who were like "soo you haven't had sex in a while right?" or insist on me saying when it was... I think sometimes it was because I gave off a more conservative view towards sex so they assumed I haven't had it in years and thereforeeee MUST want it.... or were curious as to why I had such a low sex drive...contrary to what may be popular belief to men, however, just because I haven't had sex in a while doesn't mean I am willing to rush into it. If this is an assumption they make, it's wrong. Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Share Posted June 1, 2008 LOL@Lily! Yeah, that's what I want to know (the "does every guy ask this). Thanks shattered heart. That idea crossed my mind, but I didn't know if I was jumping ahead of myself. I don't *think* he'll go so far as to ask how many, but I wouldn't put it past him. We'll see if he does. Link to comment
tao_of_me Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 It is a little weird to be asking that, but yeah, I get the sense that he's trying to see what's going on with you. maybe he wants to see if he will have competition, and if so, how much,for your affection. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I can't see myself asking that dumb question. Now what if I ask that question and the girl says "2 DAYS AGO?-lol That's a question a guy may not want the answer to Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I can't see myself asking that dumb question. Now what if I ask that question and the girl says "2 DAYS AGO?-lol That's a question a guy may not want the answer to Yeah, exactly! It is a very rude and inappropriate question and I would probably tell the guy that. Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 Okay, wow that's a lot of different responses. The thing is I don't really know why he's asking, and that's what has led me to ask the question. I've dated this guy before, and I wasn't hyper-sexual girl then, and I'm not now. So, it doesn't really make sense to me that he would ask for that reason UNLESS he thinks I've become an extremely sexually active person over the past few years. He has on occasion said things that were socially awkward, so maybe this was a case of him being curious and just blurting the question out. He could be asking because he wants to take things to the next step, but we've only been back in touch with each other for 2-3 weeks. Maybe he is wondering how many people I've been with since we haven't been together. I will add another piece here. Before he asked me volunteered the information that the last time he had been with someone was with his ex. He told me how long ago it happened and that it was a one time thing (and it didn't seem like he was saying it in an "Oh, it's been too long, can you 'help me out'?" sort of way). Does that bit of info affect anyone's answer? What really led me to post this was that today he said something that I interpreted as concern that I might be seeing someone else (which I'm not). But, he phrased it ambiguously. It's gotten to the point where I don't know whether I should think this guy really likes me, wants to date exculsively and is having trouble coming out and saying it, whether I should take this as him being obnoxious, or whether he's a little creepy. If he really has feelings about wanting to get back together, I'd rather he come out and say it so that I don't have to think all these other things (and vice versa). Link to comment
tao_of_me Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 It sounds like he is at least interested, and maybe putting out feelers before coming out and asking you. And again,I think, as you sort of mentioned above, that maybe he wants to see if there is competition, if there's anyone else in the picture. Also, how long did you date him before? It could also be on some level just curiosity. Guys always fret about who their exes are with....so it could be a combination of that and that he's interested in getting back w/ you, and now he's putting out feelers. Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 We dated for three or four months. I expressed back then that I was looking for an eventual long term relationship. He said, "I don't know if I can give you that because I work so much." I immediately went on my merry way. Shortly after, he began contacting me in an effort to get me go out with him, see him, talk to him, etc. This went on for a couple of years off and on (the unreciprocated contact...I wouldn't even write/call him back). And here we are today. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Its pretty weird and rude.... but its prob a few things it could be.... one wanted to know how premiscous you are.. or wanted to know if its been a long time you might be horny and his chances might go up.. anyway no real man would ever ask you that... Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 LOL@ "Two days ago." Yeah, I should've said that. Link to comment
servedcold Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Agree with batya, cad and others, it's rude. Link to comment
LanceVanceDance Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 You aren't together, so "It's none of your business" should be the only correct answer to this. Link to comment
confused25 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I had a guy I went on a date with asking me this question (we met online). He asked the question after our first date and I told him that it was none of his business. Kind of a personal and rude question if you ask me . . . Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 i never would have asked that. haha weird Link to comment
metallicastr2k Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I find it double ended though. Iv had women ask me when the last time I had sex, how many girls I'v been with, what my favorite position, ect. I have no problem in responding to those questions. Yet its repulsive to women when we ask. With me, if I ask a girl when the last time was its usually out of curiosity or apart of the conversation. Not because us men are sex driven psychomaniac perverts (at least most of us aren't). This question is usually curiosity, and displays a sort of interest. As previously posted by another user, its probably to see if you are active or not. I wouldnt think too much of it. Test the water before you jump in, see where he goes with it and if ever you have a question you dont feel like replying to, dont answer. But I wouldnt beat myself up over it. Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 Thanks for your additional replies. I'm not beating myself over it exactly. I just found it...odd...and was wondering whether or not I was alone in thinking that way. Metallica, are you talking about women whom you don't know very well when you say they ask you these questions? I will say that I do find it rude when guys who barely know me are asking detailed questions about sex like the ones you mentioned. But, that's simply because they don't know me, and it's more of a respect issue to me. I feel kind of taken aback when a person who might as well be a stranger to me feels like they should automatically be privy to that sort of information. And likewise, I show other people whom I barely know that same degree of "respect" as I call it, and I don't ask them about favorite positions, etc. I don't think I give off an overly sexual vibe, and it's always beyond me when random guys take it upon themselves to ask me "what I like" before they even fully learn my name. I can at least speak for myself and say that I don't operate on the double standard about asking sexual questions that you mentioned. My present situation particularly puzzled me because this is someone who knows me relatively well and has even dated me. So, it's not like there's there's this big sexual mystery about me that he needs to gather clues and solve...or at least I don't think he should see it that way. I guess the more I think about it, the more it seems like he is just probing for info in order to determine whether or not I'm giving him my sole attention at this point. I think he has made his romantic...or at least sexual...interest clear, (he's suggested that I take a "romantic" vacation with him this summer...surely that means something). Maybe he feels like he's really put himself out there and he's concerned that I might take him up on the offer AND still be seeing other people on the side? Either way, I'm going to proceed carefully and just see how things go. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 There are many other questions he could have asked that would have shown far more class, tact and sensitivity and yielded the same result if what he was looking for was to find out if you were available to date him with potential for a relationship. Link to comment
dream83 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 There are many other questions he could have asked that would have shown far more class, tact and sensitivity and yielded the same result if what he was looking for was to find out if you were available to date him with potential for a relationship. Yeah, I agree. Link to comment
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