looloolola Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Any dumpers regret letting go of someone who was good for them ? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Any dumpers regret letting go of someone who was good for them who cared a lot about them, and the only way that’s holds you guys of ever getting in touch with the dumpee was your pride. And whilst you are getting with your life, you kinda of realize that who ever comes into your life as a new person or just someone as on friendly terms they don’t match up to the person you dumped and who was at the end, the right person for you? Do you ever swallow your pride (knowenly you hurt them bad) even when the dumpee had enough of being the one to always chase and express thier feelings so openly told you NEVER to contact them again for no good reason apart from wanting to try again? have the dumpers ever tried to get in contact (once the air and their head has cleared after a long time) after a while to see how the dumpee is and possibly saying sorry and wanting to reunite the relationship again after the dumpee did tell them to stay away so the dumpee could heal the pain and move on Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I've never been a dumper, but my gf and I are back together because she felt it was too painful for us to be broken up. Link to comment
S agapo Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 why has this poster completely copied and paste word for word MY thread from another post? Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 why has this poster completely copied and paste word for word MY thread from another post? hmmm.... that's a little weird. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 hmmmm.... dunno what to tell you Link to comment
IdontknowNJ Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 I do not regret my decision to leave the relationship but I do regret the fact that it did not work out. We we're together for 5 years (had known each other for 7 years) and I can honestly say (as well as he) that we were each other's best friend and so right for each other in so many ways. We just brought out the best in each other, but the timing was off and we both knew it... And although I went on to have another very loving long-term relationship (as did he), I still think back from time to time on what could have been. Every now and then, we will speak but it has only been once every couple of years or so. We both know there was/is a reason we are no longer together and we both closed that chapter of our lives many years ago. Link to comment
S agapo Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 well, i understand we have the same questions but the poster could of at least either commented on the original post that i created instead copy and paste word for word the exact same question and wording to create her own post! Link to comment
looloolola Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 sorry gemini i read it and it was exactly what i have been wanting to ask, I apologize if you are offended, and to super dud if you regret enough but too much time has passed if that person really regretted and wanted the person back wouldnt they try anyways? Link to comment
shes2smart Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Personally, if I've gotten to the point where I feel my best (or only) course of action is to terminate the relationship (become the dumper), then I'm done for good. It means I've gotten to the point where I have done everything I'm willing/able to do and things still aren't working...and they aren't going to. Someone has to have enough strength to acknowledge that and take action, and more often than not, I have found myself in that role in my previous relationships. Once I'm done, I'm done. No going back, no regrets, and no further contact will be initiated by me. Any attempt at contact by the ex (and every one of them where I've been the one to initiate the break-up has contacted me at some point down the road), is met with a civil but firm reminder that I do not wish to have any contact with them and a request to respect that. This has been true for all my previous relationships with one exception. However, the one ex I keep in touch with was one of those rare mutual break-ups...we both knew it was over and ended things as civilly, respectfully and amicably as possible. Granted, not everyone is like this. However, if you are the dumpee, I don't see where it does you any good to hang on to the hope that the person who dumped you will have a change of heart. It is in your best interest to move forward as if they are not coming back and create the life you want. If (BIG "IF") they do come back, I think you'd be in a much stronger, healthier position to evaluate if they really fit into your life if you've moved forward than if you've just sort of drifted along hanging on to the hope that they'll return. Put another way -- if you concentrate on re-building your own life to your liking, their return would be icing on the cake. Pin your hopes on their return and they become the cake. Link to comment
dqueen Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 sorry gemini i read it and it was exactly what i have been wanting to ask, I apologize if you are offended, and to super dud if you regret enough but too much time has passed if that person really regretted and wanted the person back wouldnt they try anyways? But it would've been better to bump the other thread. You can ask your questions there, can't you? I know I would be offended if someone copied and re-posted a post/thread of mine. I know many of us here have very similar questions since we are all pretty much in the same boat. Perhaps it would've been better to paraphrase it or some other. Can you imagine what this forum would be like if we copied each others posts and had to read duplicate threads all the time? No thanks! Link to comment
looloolola Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 sorry I actually tried to look to bump it but I dont know how, I am new to this website Link to comment
Wolf_22 Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 well, i understand we have the same questions but the poster could of at least either commented on the original post that i created instead copy and paste word for word the exact same question and wording to create her own post! HAHA. That's some funny stuff. Link to comment
dqueen Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 sorry I actually tried to look to bump it but I dont know how, I am new to this website You bump it by *posting* in that thread. There is no button that says "Bump". Link to comment
S agapo Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 well i think it was wrong to have completely copied my post word for word and have it as your own now! Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Alright - you've made your feelings known Gem!!!! Loo is more than aware of her fau pax. She is new member and probably hasn't got all forum ettiqutte under her belt. I'm sure she won't do it again - it's time to lighten up on her. Besides this is a public forum - do we really OWN anything? Pretty soon someone will come on here and say HEY - the getting back together forum was my thread/idea... why are all you on it? Please keep in mind why we are all here - to help each other... not bash them. peace and love, Cats Link to comment
S agapo Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Alright - you've made your feelings known Gem!!!! Loo is more than aware of her fau pax. She is new member and probably hasn't got all forum ettiqutte under her belt. I'm sure she won't do it again - it's time to lighten up on her. Besides this is a public forum - do we really OWN anything? Pretty soon someone will come on here and say HEY - the getting back together forum was my thread/idea... why are all you on it? Please keep in mind why we are all here - to help each other... not bash them. peace and love, Cats NO NO, don't get me wrong, i don't want to bash anyone or even to lool, but it was a bit cheeky to have done it anyways. like i said, most of us here have the same questions going thru us and the same emotions that we try to get on with every day and look for advise here on ENA! it was just a bit of a surprise to have read what i wrote else where. Link to comment
Mustang Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 This all makes sense. What confuses me is that my ex still talks to me and practically begged me to still be a friend to her when we split. Any idea why this is? Even now, she still talks to me. It's not a proper frienship mind you but surely if she hated me that much she'd just have ignored me from day one right? Link to comment
shes2smart Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 This all makes sense. What confuses me is that my ex still talks to me and practically begged me to still be a friend to her when we split. Any idea why this is? Even now, she still talks to me. It's not a proper frienship mind you but surely if she hated me that much she'd just have ignored me from day one right? I don't know that it's as simple as love/hate, really. People tend to be a little more complex than that...and they very often have multiple reasons for doing things. Sometimes those reasons have more to do with themselves than another person, and sometimes those reasons have more to do with another person than themselves. I do believe that humans are capable of alturistic, selfless behavior. But for most people, most of the time, one of their big motivators comes down to "what's in it for me?" One of my exes (who was rather...persistent...in his attempts to contact me post-break-up. He didn't quit until my husband asked him to knock it off) has a lot of his own ego/identity wrapped up in being "a nice guy." Under the guise of being "a nice guy" he maintained connections to his previous gfs and spouses (yes, there were 2 ex-wives before I entered the pic...shoulda been a red flag...but I digress). And being "a nice guy," he was more than happy to lend a few of his exes money when they got into a financial bind. Well, I saw first hand what he thought those loans bought him...and there wasn't much "nice" in that. As long as they owed him money, he thought that gave him the right to keep tabs on them and generally be in their business (personal and financial business) more than he probably should've been. But it was because he was "a nice guy" and as "a nice guy," he was being concerned. Had I been on the receiving end, I woulda called it just plain nosy and found an impartial/impersonal source for my loan. Anyway, I'm sure it frosts him that I refuse to so much as exchange Christmas cards. Why? Because it's a tangible reminder of the fact that one of his exes thinks he's not-so-nice of a guy. I don't think "a nice guy" cheats on his gf...and that's what caused me to walk. I'm just funny that way, I guess. Perhaps your ex has some simliar, internal motivation for trying to be "friends" with you. She may have an image of herself she wants to maintain, and perhaps the way your relationship ended doesn't match up with that image. Maybe it's an ego boost to her to think you're on the back burner. Perhaps part of her truly does want to be friendly with you, but she doesn't get that it's too painful for you to do that now. This is all just conjecture on my part, but perhaps these are some angles you haven't considered. For my part, when I have broken it off, it wasn't because I hated my former partner. In many cases, I still loved the ex very much when we split, but I knew that it wasn't going to work. With the ex I referred to earlier -- it wasn't going to work because he was cheating. I knew I couldn't get past that and he made it clear he had no intention of changing his behavior. I cut him off cold not because I hated him, but because I chose to love and respect myself more and tend to my own healing in the best way possible. Your only concern should be yourself and what you need to do to re-build your life. Have you asked her (politely, civilly and respectfully) not to contact you? If you have, how do you remind her of that when she does contact you? Link to comment
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