I called her - and desolation

[Self Discoverer]

Hello everybody

 

I supose this shopuld be read as a caveat to The Morrigans excellent posting on How to Get Back Your Ex.

 

Don't confuse the image you have of yur ex with the real person

 

In telling this I hope it helps others.

 

For some background read my post Still Totally Bewildered which was my first posting here.

When I wrote that I had spent five months since breaking up with someone I thought to be the love of my life in a heartbroken daze. This was despite her not giving me any hope and me doing all that I could to keep busy and move on with my life.

 

Whenever I do something or achieve in some way I want to share it with her and the knowledge that it wasn’t possible to do so has been hard.

 

I have spent much of this time having internal conversations with her. Maybe trying to understand what happened and why she felt so little regard for me as to not even let me know she was feeling differently for me until she dumped me.

 

She made a great play when wee broke up about how she wanted to be friends with me and would be ‘heartbroken’ if we couldn’t. I guess this was just allaying her guilt now.

 

She never initiated any contact with me since we broke up and since then we have only had one fairly short amicable conversation in August. I have been burning to call her on many occasions since but I’ve realised that I’m only making excuses so I can hear her voice and resisted temptation.

 

Until last night…

 

I decided to call her and just wish her well this Christmas. We move in different social circles and I haven’t heard anything about her life but of course was fully expecting her to have moved on completely with her life. She practically had before we parted ways.

 

We only spoke for about 5-10 minutes and I did almost all of the talking. I wanted to share all that I’ve done and achieved with her (as a friend) but she was totally disinterested in me. Whilst not being nasty, there was absolutely no friendliness in her voice. She recognised my voice after a second but it was clear that I was nothing to her whatsoever.

 

I have been through a lot and anybody with a modicum of compassion would ask after my health – I had a transplant a year ago. But from her there was nothing. It really makes me wonder what all the tears I’ve shed in the last six months were for. I love her, I love her deeply but her indifference is shocking. I now see her as a cold, unfeeling, heartless cow.

 

As I put the phone down, in a strange sort of way I felt quite positive that I could finally say goodbye (in my heart) to her. It is only with the analysis of what she said that self-doubt has set in.

 

I lay in bed last night thinking about what (little) she said, unable to sleep.

 

For the first time in ages I feel some resolution but pain still lingers. I am now aware, perhaps for the first time that I am dead in her eyes.

 

I kept thinking about her saying that she is spending Christmas with her ‘other half’. Not so much that she now has a significant other. That was expected, and I think she was lining somebody else up before jettisoning me, but it was the phrase that she used.

 

She was a very independent person and wouldn’t say something like that about somebody unless they were very close to her. It is six months since we broke up and from what I (thought) I knew of her, it would take her far longer to have that trust in somebody. It also makes we wonder how close I was to her. I can’t seem to stop over analysing things.

 

I would appreciate any advice on this situation. Is this the beginning of the end of my heartbreak or just another stepping stone?

 

I’m sorry if I’m rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read

[pessimisticguy]

Your not over analyzing things, your not worrying too much. To me it seems as if you may still care for her more than you think. All of this is just a process and it's different for everyone. Breaking up after having a relationship is tough, and seeing changes in the person is normal, they will change the way they are just to get out of the routine of being with someone for so long. She may have not said much because she still cares and wants to get over being with you, or you may just be a little worried about it. Realistically it's hard to say...All I can really tell you is to go with your gut on this one. If you feel like you still want to be with her then talk to her about it. Call her and ask her how she feels, if you don't think she'd talk about it then try to get back on the ball of just talking to her casually and go from there. Hope this helps.

[zx-6r]

what the hell did you call her for?? step up to the plate and do your best- best to get over this girl... the call you made wasn't oh so enlightening on how your dead in her eyes,,, you already knew that... don't ever call her again.. if its ment to be, she will come back to you, and if not, you will eventually meet someone you love again, .. just try to put her in your past.. a good memory.. a stepping stone on to maturity, and appreaciation for the next girl you fall in love with... and also very important, make sure if she ever calls you that its for the right reason, not just cause her fling right now got old, and she started thinking of you.... becuase you guys might get back together, but the same shit will happen again,, and you can bet you will be heart broken again, and again! don't call her... DON'T CALL HER!

[needafriend]

I know exactly how you feel. Dont worry, calling her will help you move on and let her go. It has made me feel better and get a clearer picture of things calling my ex only after four days. Although I may have stuffed up any chance of him ever coming back its made me see that our love couldnt have been true. He cant give me, the woman he loves another chance to make things better.

 

Sometimes you just need a bit of closure. And to know that you have so much to offer someone who is going to appreciate and love you regardless.