can't figure out if it is shyness

[Aday5578]

Or low self esteem. I let my ex break me down for so long that even though I know I have a bubbly personality, I tend to be insecure that maybe it gets on peoples neveres like it did his. I cant really look people in the eyes because I just hear his words going through my head. I never thought I would have allowed anybody to do that to me or allow them to..it is embarrasing. I will get through it but I cant find a starting point. I started exercising and eating better and losing weight but that hasnt helped. I cant even think of things to start conversations about. There is this guy who is very attractive in my Weight Watchers class on Tuesday nights..and he smiles and says hello, but I dont know jack about him, how do I even start a conversation with him? I am so bad at this dating stuff

[Lana0120]

It sounds like you're doing the right things - focusing on doing things that make you feel better inside. However, I think the problem may be that you are perhaps just not ready to jump into dating just yet? When did you split up with your ex-boyfriend?

[Aday5578]

8 months ago....its just hard. I dont cry anymore, I get down if i hear a song or find an old picture but time has been my bestfriend.

[Lana0120]

It sounds to me as though your ex-boyfriend has done a lot of damage to you. It sounds as though you aren't ready to go out with someone else and almost as if by snagging a guy, it would re-instate your worth. You need to continue building yourself up at the moment. What sort of things did your ex-boyfriend say to you, if you don't mind me asking?

[Aday5578]

It isnt exactly like all the things he said..it was what he did too. He would never kiss me. He said he just never was into that kind of affection. When I would try to start a diet or a exercise program he would laugh and say "yeah ok..lets see how long this lasts" When I would eat something that he felt wasnt healthy he would berade me and lecture me on how i just dont know what i am doing and that is why I will never lose weight. I always had to be happy..if i was ina bad mood for a minute that was it, he would start rolling his eyes and mocking me. I always had to be "chipper" Then when i was chipper he would mock me and say " oh I am so bubbly..I just like everybody" I could never win. Then the beginning of the end..he started mock my parenting style and critisize my ex husband and i for the way we were rainsing my son. My ex-husband and I eat out once a week with my son, for the benefit of my son..my ex-boyfriend was always invited but he thought it was ridicilous.."Alot of kids are just fine without thier divorced parents hanging out" He didnt understand that i felt this was a good thing...crap i think my ex-husband and I not fighting is a good thing for my son..my ex-boyfriend thought it was ridicolous. He never took me out anywhere because everything was too expensive..but when we did go out guess who mostly paid? He said I paid because I was the one who wanted to go....ther eare so many things....and I wonder why I put up witht his for 2 years..2 freaking years of a roller coaster relationship. And wehn we broke up, he made it seem like it was all me...he walked away from me the same day my nephew took his life. His true colors finnaly shined though....the one time I truly needed him, he was gone. Its my fault, I should of realized sooner what kind of person he was. I only blame myself!!

[Lana0120]

You're right, he was a real piece of work. That kind of hole-picking over 2 years is very damaging. I think you're doing the right things. Getting your life back together, doing the things you think are right and whilst you're not feeling better at the moment, you will. Those kind of comments can be like programming if they're said often enough, and can make you doubt yourself terribly. I think it is low self-esteem rather than shyness. Stepping into the whole dating world and into a relationship means there's the risk of going through that kind of thing all over again. However, there are a lot of good men out there, it just sounds like you need some more time. So don't beat yourself up or worry about your reluctance right now. As for this weight watchers guy, just try small talk and see how it goes.

[Aday5578]

Thanks Lana.....I appreciate the advice very much!! I might just wait a little longer.