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Chica118
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My boyfriend and I have strong plans about being together in the future. I thought we were having the perfect relationship. He tells me all the time I'm everything anyone could possibly want and how lucky he is to have a girlfriend who comes from a good family background, is smart and does well in school, is a model and has a great personality. But the other night when we were talking I realized I'm not everything, he told me that having sex with me is okay-ish. That it takes him too long to climax and that because I can't stay wet during sex is a turn off. What is wrong with me? He's wonderful in bed and I would love nothing more than to please him in everyway, he's well endowed but I haven't had an orgasm at all, he also feels badly because he would like for us to orgasm at the same time and it doesn't happen like that at all. He told me he avoids having sex with me now and only does it for me to be happy, needless to say I feel horrible and physically sick, and have been in bed crying all day. He claims that he loves everything else about so much that he wouldn't leave me and doesn't want to be with anyone else...but I know down the line he'll want someone who pleases him more right? What can I do?

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Er.......this is just a suggestion, but DUMP HIM??? Good god, woman! It's certainly not your fault you can't orgasm on command as he'd like! Some women (and I have no idea of your age, so bear with me) simply mature at a slower rate and can't reach orgasm as easily as men do. Heck......look at them sideways sometimes and whoops! there they are.

I myself was about 25 before I had my first one.

 

Cut yourself some slack. First of all, it's absolute GARBAGE for a man to lay THAT much pressure on you to perform 100% after saying something like that.....how are you expected to enjoy sex after knowing, the whole time, that he's just waiting for you to reach his level?

 

Secondly, sex is a nice (very nice, but albeit just "nice") additive to what a relationship is actually about. If he's basing THAT much importance on it, then he's missing the big picture and what he's supposed to be looking for with you, which I'm pretty sure I don't need to spell out for you. (Quick overview: communication, compassion, understanding, caring, humor, LOVE. Did I happen to mention love? Oh yeah...and love, too......and then there's love......oh, and there should be some love in there somewhere, too.......)

 

Relax. If your guy is THAT focused on sex, then he's missing the above, and the foundation that creates that bond that people strive to attain. It's all about sex and him reaching climax, from the sound of it-you don't need that pressure or that guilt trip!! Think about what you're looking for and what you're actually GETTING. If the two are nothing alike, then you might want to reconsider pursuing a long-term relationship with this man......

 

 

Mar

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Ok hon, there's ways to talk about improving your sex life - and there's ways to avoid like the plague. He just hit the jackpot on the second one!

 

For one - his expectations of simultaneous orgasms are unrealistic. Women who orgasm during intercourse without any other stimulation are pretty rare. There is NOTHING wrong with you. If you're not getting enough stimulation, you won't self-lubricate. That's simple body physiology. And controlling over when you orgasm? Ha, doesn't happen that I've seen, you take it when you can get it and be happy for it. So you're not inadequate, and if he's gonna look for something like this - it'll likely be in his dreams or with someone who's a damn fine actress.

 

Mar is also right - sex is a wonderful bonus to a relationship, and should be approached as such. NO couple is going to have great sex without practice and talking about it - and that doesn't include unrealistic demands that you (or anyone) will never be able to meet. Acceptable: "Honey, you feel a little dry, and that can't be comfortable for you, so I bought some lubricant for us to try." Unacceptable - statements that make you feel unattractive or at fault for not being "perfect" and living up to his expectations. Talk to him and tell him how much he's upset you with the way he's expressed this and made you feel inadequate (he needs to know he was about as careful of your feelings as an elephant dancing on a minefield) - and have him do a little reasearch. There's TONS of info online that might give him a bit more realistic point of view on how to make a fulfilling sex life for both of you - and what he can really expect, not what a porn fantasy portrays.

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i know i am going to get flamed for this, but here goes:

 

if you don't have an orgasm almost every time you make love, after awhile, you're not going to enjoy it anymore. and the problem with men in general is, we are going to enjoy sex for the rest of our lives. if you are not there for us, we rove

 

so think about why you are not having an orgasm. go see a sex counsellor or read some sex guide books (not porn, that's for deviant sex behaviour, actually, that's not a bad idea from a male point of view, haha).

 

sex is between 2 persons, so don't let him put all the blame on you. find out what's really wrong first. just looking at the evidence (you being dry and not able to come) is not enough. you have to look at the circumstances behind that condition. he's not turning you on, obviously. i am sure if the right buttons were pushed, you'd wet yourself real nice and will want to have more of this enjoyable and close experience.

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What Mar and The Morrigan said rang pretty realistic in my ears.

I am deeply sorry to say that I sound like your bf save the disregard of saying those mean things.

 

Me and my ex used to have great sex in the first months of our relationship. When we did it, it took a little longer for me (I never had one of those infamous premature ejaculations) and she -seemed- to come two or three times at times. (note "seem" I'm not sure if that's what happened, but that is what she said). The thing is that near the end she didn't want to eat them pills anymore and that was something I accepted and endorsed seeing as the pills can give you problems with the heart and such. So we started using condoms and lube. But it just wasn't the same for any of us using condoms and so it took even longer for me to climax and for her as well. She didn't get enough stimulation so she stopped self-lubricating and so we had to abort after a while, every time we attempted to have sex.

 

It's not a nice feeling for any of the two, I can tell you that. But if you're willing to continue on with him, which I think it sounds like, perhaps you could just ask him if he could stimulate you in some other way as well?

Good luck

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Uhhh Excuse me? NO HE DIDNT" first of all, your not being wet has something to do with you and him, not just you. I totatlly agree with MAR, what a jerk this guy is talling you this and in such a harsh way. How much pressure can you put on a person? GEESH, first of all dont you dare feel like you lost something if he did leave you for sex, a guy like that, i'd give him away. If he really loves you then he and you work on this together and his little condecending tone is not necassary,

Go get some KY jelly and if thta doesnt work, maybe he needs to go....

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