My dad is cheating on my mom!

[AlluringAngel]

Here's the story

 

About 2 weeks ago, I went to take a shower in the morning since I have

a class I have to attend at 9:30am. My dad, who assumed that the

water was running, called a woman on the phone. At that time, I was

brushing my teeth - and I heard him ' sweet ' talking the person he was

talking to on phone. ( Like you know how you talk to someone in a ' sweet '

tone? I can't really describe it. )

 

Well, since he assumed that the water is running - he thinks that I couldn't

hear him. He then asked that woman where she lived, and how she should

wait until he's there to take a shower. After he hung up, I rushed out of

my bathroom and asked him why he would talk to a person in that kind of

way. He denied, and said that he just had an interview to go to on

Saturday.

 

After he left for work, I went to re-dial the phone and got her

number. I called her up and some young-sounding girl picked up the phone

in a very sleepy voice. I asked who she was but she wouldn't tell me, so

I hung up and proceed to go on my dad's computer.

 

I remembered his log in username and password, so I accessed his email.

I found an email on sent folder, and it looked like this

 

Hi Lucy,

 

I am interested in meeting you and have an exotic sex experience

What is your price? And do you only do in call?

Email me back please.

 

I was very surprised when I saw that... and awfully disgusted at the

same time... So I proceed to look at his inbox. There were several sex / dating

personal's site he signed up on too... such as:

 

1. True

2. Fling

3. Hornymatches

 

& another one... but I forgot what it's called.

 

So basically... when my mom came home from work, I told her what

was going on. Later that day... she confronted my dad... and he eventually

apologized to us, saying what he did was wrong and that he'll stop.

 

HOWEVER...

The day after he apologized, I installed a keylogger on his computer just

to make sure that he really stopped. I checked the logs almost every day ;

and last week, I found out that he changed his email's password. That made

me wonder... because if a person really stopped doing all those horrible

things, he/she should have nothing to hide... but apparently - in my dad's

case... it seems that he's hiding something.

 

Earlier today, I was browsing his inbox as usual ( I know his password because

the log takes a record of all keystrokes he made ) and found out that he recently

signed up for TWO sex / dating personal sites again!

 

1. Adult Friend Finder

2. My Date State

 

Apparently... he still have the tendency to cheat on my mom... and that

he hasn't stopped like he promised... so all that apology he made back then was

bull !@#$%. He totally didn't meant it. I am truly disgusted at him and I have

little to no respect for him anymore.

 

What should I do...

 

Oh yeah, on another thought... I remembered that he said something

like this on few of his profile:

 

" I love a female's unshaved smelly and wet armpits, turns me on. "

That is so DISGUSTING.

 

GOSH I HATE HIM!

[Mythical_Suicide]

It really isn't your place to interfere and install things onto the computer to find out this information.. It really sucks finding this stuff out, I found things from both of my parents cheating on the other and it really hurt but I made the mistake of bringing it up to each of them and neither one believed me until they saw it with their own eyes.

[i_win]

GROSS on that last one. Smelly unshaved armpits?!

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I'd just let your mom and him sort it out as it is more of their business than yours.

[shay.spence]

Cheating parents...brings back fond high school memories. Except it was my mom who cheated on my dad. My advice stay out of it...let it play out. The more involved you get the worse it is for you. Their relationship isn't something you need to be worried about or trying to fix.

[AlluringAngel]

It really isn't your place to interfere and install things onto the computer to find out this information.. It really sucks finding this stuff out, I found things from both of my parents cheating on the other and it really hurt but I made the mistake of bringing it up to each of them and neither one believed me until they saw it with their own eyes.

 

I know that it wasn't right to do that... But I just had to do it because I wanted to make sure if he really meant it when he said he'll stop.

[renaissancewoman101]

I can see why you want to find out. Parents whose relationships are on the rocks, their emotions and fallout, usually fall on the shoulders of the kids. My dad cheated on my mom, my last two years of high school. He kept it a secret from us kids. My mom did whatever to let me and my brother know, what nefarious things my dad was up to doing. Made for a very unhappy household and ultimately I moved far away to go to college so I wouldn't be put in the middle of it.

[forgingon]

It really isn't your place to interfere and install things onto the computer to find out this information.. It really sucks finding this stuff out, I found things from both of my parents cheating on the other and it really hurt but I made the mistake of bringing it up to each of them and neither one believed me until they saw it with their own eyes.

 

I'm sorry but I disagree to some extent. He's lied to her and her mother before, no doubt there are trust issues. If he has nothing to hide, it is not a problem. It is human to want to protect her mother.

 

It's horrible to discover someone you love and trust is behaving in ways unworthy of your love and trust. I am so sorry you've been exposed to this.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I'm sorry but I disagree to some extent. He's lied to her and her mother before, no doubt there are trust issues. If he has nothing to hide, it is not a problem. It is human to want to protect her mother.

 

It's horrible to discover someone you love and trust is behaving in ways unworthy of your love and trust. I am so sorry you've been exposed to this.

 

 

It isn't her place to step in.. it's between her mother and father. I went through the same thing except it was both of my parents) so I know what i'm talking about. There could be so much more that she doesn't know

[Whiplash Girl Child]

Now that your mom knows, it's time to step back. Let her deal with it.

 

One thing, though. Try not to let your dad's behavior affect your general opinion of men. Not all men cheat.

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. My dad cheated too, and I knew about it when I was a very young child. It bites.

[doyathink]

Hang in there. What he's doing is wrong, and it does affect your life as well as your moms. Talk to your mom if need be, and see how she feels, and if she has any plans of action. I disagree with those who say it's none of your business. When someone cheats, it affects the whole family, kids included.

[Enigmatika]

Depending on how badly you want to bust him....

 

There are ever so many nefarious ways you could embarrass the Hell out of him..

[Taylor527]

Um... please tell me you are kidding?

 

Anyway, I think that its really your mother's decision to leave him or not. How old are you? If you are over 18 then you don't have to live with him anymore if you don't want to. You can wash your hands of him if you'd like, but your mom might want to stay with him... that is just something you'll have to deal with I guess.. I dont know.. that sucks, I'm sorry dude... Maybe you should talk to your dad face to face and tell him you feel cheated too... a son/daughter talking to a parent in that manner really does break them down and he will listen to you, i promise!! We got this "power" over are parents use it for good too!!

[i_win]

Have you ever seen the Friends episoe where Joey's dad is cheating on his mother? There is a great life lesson there. Anyways, Joey finally confronts his mother and tells him about his dad's affair and the mom is upset because she has known this for years and was completely okay with it because it kept the dad out of her hair!!

 

Great episode. Goes to show that the going on of a marriage truly are no one's business but the two people that took the vows.

[AThorson]

Although some people say "stay out of it", it seems like you (AlluringAngle) are an adult and this has become more than an issue in your parents' relationship. Your Dad is lying to you and you have every right to bring this up to him. He lied to you. You have every right to discuss this with him. I do, however, stress the term "discuss" rather than yell at him about this. It almost sounds like your Dad is addicted to this behavior. He knows it is not right - but there is something that is keeping him from stopping this behavior. I say this based on the readings I have done. Check out some of the research by Emily Brown. She did some work where she identified the different "types" of infidelity. Also, Frank Pittman discusses this a bit too in Private Lives or Lies (I might have the titles incorrect).

 

Another thing that might help you is sharing your experience. One web site/survey I know of that is helpful is

link removed

 

Also, check out askpeggy. I believe she has some information on her web site devoted to children's experiences with infidelity.

 

Good luck. I'm sorry you have to think about this. Best of luck.

[Donster]

I would suggest that the OP think about how she would feel if she found out that her parents had installed a key logger and were tracking her every move. I see a general lack of empathy and a lot of judgmental attitude in her post. Yes, it is shocking and horrifying to find out that our parents are human too, with human failings. But that is the nature of being human--we make mistakes. To hold one's own parents to a higher standard over other people is horribly idealistic.

[Danielle84]

I really think that you need to tell your mom that he is still doing it and let her make that decision. I can totally see where you would be mad at him because he lied to you too!! I think it's going to be hard to look at your Mom the same because she is not being strong and putting her foot down or booting his butt out!! Keep us posted!!