Jump to content

Cancelation or re-scheduling on the first date?


Recommended Posts

I got connect with a guy from the internet and we decided to meet for some coffee this saturday 6 PM. By 3PM, he sent me an sms saying that he needs to meet a business partner and he wants either to re-schedule it to the next day or defer it to 9 PM. I had that same experience with another guy before and I really don't feel good about that. When you decide to meet someone the FIRST TIME, you'd better make sure that you are free on that day, wouldn't you? Even it's not a big deal but I really feel bad and upset...sort of not being respected...So you know the result that I won't stay in touch with that guy anymore. Do I over-react? How do you feel if you meet the same situation like me?

Link to comment

It is probably a wee bit of an over reaction, yet I'd do the same thing. And have.


This is someone who doesn't know you at all. And you don't know them. No hurt feelings, at least, on either side.


At least, don't let it. Don't let it get emotional before even meeting him!


The reason I check out that early in the game if/when they try to re-schedule is because I see it as high risk. You can't even be bothered to make sure you make the first date? (I don't care about your reasons, I don't know you yet nor have to flick around my schedule for you beyond the basics of agreeing/showing up on time as planned).


I won't bend on it because keeping dates is very important to me. And being on time. A man's word is a lot - as is mine.


Changing it around and expecting the other to be flexible to your changing needs is for once you know each other, have an understanding (in my books).


Of course others may think this is all a gross way of limiting dates and getting to know certain new people, but it's individual. For someone who is going to be asking the other for quick changes in schedule at the last minute, it might work and be just fine.


It's your choice. If you tolerate it now, be set to tolerate it again...that's how I figure it.

Link to comment

It is an over-reaction.


You are saying that you should be more important than his business, in that a first date for coffee, which is not trivial but it is also not dinner and a show, should take precedence over a business meeting that, for all you know, may mean he would lose hundreds if not thousands of dollars if he can't make it.


In other words you are claiming absolute precedence over everything else in his life for a first date. I think it is a little early to expect that. Stuff happens in people's lives and I think you could be more accommodating at this stage. It's not as if he just didn't turn up and made some lame excuse afterwards.


If he were to behave like this often should you start to date him frequently then that would be more legitimate.

Link to comment

Someone seeking to reschedule a first date for a supposed business meeting that has to happen at 6PM on a Saturday afternoon is a red flag in my book. Writing them off totally would be premature unless there were other things that didn't feel right in the initial interactions. In your shoes, I'd allow the reschedule and give them one more chance to make and keep plans. If at any time in the first several meetings they showed any further inability to keep and manage an appointment schedule, I'd move on to the next candidate(s).


There is a certain type of person to watch out for these days that I see more and more frequently in business and social dealings. Meeting one of these, you get the vibe that they are trying to impress the world with how busy and important they are. They go nowhere without a blackberry or even a notebook. Many of their actions stem from insecurity rather than any truly pressing need. Two of these can make a match, but if you aren't one, and run into one, best to head the other way. You will know soon enough whether this guy is legitimately busy or one of these types. Rearranging first dates for "urgent" Saturday afternoon meetings is a bad sign though, and I think OP is right to be annoyed. A coffee date can take as little as 30-45 minutes.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...