SOMEONE HELP ME.. I'M GOING CRAZY!

[LaeLai]

Some of you may have already read some of my posts.. but I have to get this out.

I am very very depressed! I was seeing my boyfriend, let's call him S, for three years... we were even living together for the past year.. anyway, he dumped me December 1st... He said he needs space and time alone.. He can't give me a real reason why he broke up with me, just that he needs time to himself. I've been so upset since then, crying all the time, sleepless and depressed... It's affected my work, my friendships and my whole life! He's hurt me so much.

He still tells me that he loves me and that we might get back together sometime. He says that I shouldn't worry about the relationship, if we were meant to be together, we'll get back together soon enough.. but why is he doing this to me?

To top it all off, sunday we talked and he told me that he had coffee with an old girlfriend, Alison! He said it was just a friendship thing, that her dad just died and she was having some problems.. but why would I want to know that he's talking to her again? He said the reason he told me about it is because if we do get together again, he doesn't want to have lied to me about anything............This hurts so much.

I didn't eat for 3 days after he told me this because I was so hurt. He can spend time with his old girlfriend from years ago, but he can't spend any time with me...

and for the life of me, I can't understand why he keeps putting me through all this.. telling me he loves me, but not giving us another chance...I feel as though he's keeping me on the side in case nothing better comes along! I don't care what kind of personal problems he's having, if you love someone you would want to be with them no matter what!

I feel so awful.. I want him back so bad.. but there is nothing I can do! If I wait for him, I'll look like an idiot! If I don't wait for him, I might never get him back!

I am soooooooo depressed! I can't go on feeling like this all the time.. I wish someone could give me all the answers.. Or give him all the answers.. so that he'll realize how much he loves me and come back.......

Some one please help me! What should I do???? I still love him so much..

we had even planned to get married and have kids together someday. I can't let go, I just can't.. I've invested too much of myself into this relationship to just let him throw it away like that! We've made too many plans together.. we were supposed to be together forever! I want my forever!

 

HELP!?!?!?!

[Stinker1607306446]

I feel your pain, I've been on both sides of that equation...it's a tough situation, but unfortunately if your boyfriend needs space he needs space.

If you love him, give him his space, you should trust him. If you plan on being together forever and have kids with him you NEED to trust him. If you don't trust him then YOU need space to figure out why (and if it turns out that you don't trust him run...don't walk away).

Give him some credit, he is being totally honest with you. He told you about coffee his ex-girlfrined because he wants to be honest with you (just imagine if you had heard from someone else that he met with ex).

[SwingFox]

LaeLai,

 

I have a male's point of view. Every man goes through a certain period in life in which he needs to settle down and think. I am 30 and I have been there myself. Fortunately without having a girlfriend, because I REALLY needed to sort things out for me. I wanted to figure out what I expect out of life and what I exactly need in my life. That was about 6-7 years ago. I got career minded and worked out a lot of things. I am a very happy person right now.

 

I REALLY needed space to work out my things, because I have been pestered in school badly and I had to give that some place and get over with that. I did, but there was no room for anything else, but work and working out myself. Males and females are different. Females can work on multiple levels and multitask. Males usually focus on just one thing, work that out and then pick up the next. Some guys can multitask a little more than others. Those guys tend to go by the flow without others hardly noticing it.

 

I understand that my story does not help you with the way you feel. You must feel awful and I can totally understand that and relate to that. My advice is thereforeeeeeee as follows: see what you can do with my story and talk to your b/f about what I just said. Try to work things out with him. He probably is too proud to ask for your help or to accept your help. That's a male thing, sorry. Ask him to understand you. See if you can give him space, where at the same time you ask him to spend time with you once a while, so that you both feel comfortable.

 

HOWEVER if you cannot feel comfortable over the situation, you might have to break away from him and move on. It would be an awful idea to keep yourself being in this very emotional situation. That is not fair to you. It is up to you how far you try to accept his feelings.

 

The only obligation YOU have in life, is for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy

 

I wish you good luck...

 

~ SwingFox ~

[LaeLai]

Thanks for your reply swingfox! It's nice to see things from another males point of view. I think you are right. Men and women are very different. When I talk to my "girl" friends about the situation, they don't understand. They think he is a dirty rotten dog and I should just stay away from him. But I don't see him that way. I see him as a guy who is having problems and can't seem to find his way out. And I know that if he is feeling sad or depressed in any way, he wouldn't tell anyone. That's just the way he is. He likes to keep his feelings to himself.

I left out part of the story... He's having some financial difficulties.. some serious financial difficulties and I really think this has something to do with the way he is acting. But it doesn't hurt any less. I am very depressed over the situation. I love him very much and would still like to have a family with him someday. I just don't know how to get through to him.

I think for now, I should probably back off and give him the space he is looking for.. but it's not so easy. I think about him all the time... and there are times when I feel like having some fun, but the only person that i can picture myself "having fun" with is him... We always had lots of fun when we were together.. whether we were canoeing, going for walks on the lake, going for bike rides, having a picnic in the park, or just window shopping.. we always had fun together, always.. I've never enjoyed life as much as I enjoyed it when we were together.. he's my best friend! I don't know what to do.... I love him.

[LaeLai]

Thank you stinker for your reply also.. I appreciate all the advice!

[songbird9212]

I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 23......he left me as well just a few days ago. He says he needs to be alone so he can pursue his goals and dreams.

This has been excrutiating for me but it's getting better. On the days preceding his decision, all he told me was that he needed space but gave no reason. So for a very long 5 days, I waited for him to let me know. My imagination was running wild, let me tell you. Finally, after talking it over with a friend, he finally figured out himself exactly what it was. Now that I know, I kind of understand. My first reaction was to "feel", meaning get the emotions out. Then I calmed down and thought rationally about it.

He's going through something much more substantial than I because not only did he have to sacrifice his relationship, but now he has to figure out his future. I've already been through something similar and had forgotten what it was like. I don't know where you are in this process....if you're still apart from him or if you've reconciled, but hang in there. I keep telling myself that things could be worse. The most important thing is to take of you and all your responsibilities. It has helped me......

 

Rachel