Where is your rapist now?

[quirky]

I don't know where he is. But I find it sad that it's mostly women posting here. And that a lot of us haven't reported them.

[trezz]

As big a problem to me is not just the man who tried to rape me is the adults who took no action, I told 2 adults one a teacher and the 2 old ladies did nothing to help.

I often wonder how many other children were tricked and did not get away.

Adults should report these things to social services and let them check it out.

I never reported it when older myself as how could I explain not telling my parents all those years, the adults I told never spoke to my parents as far as I know.

If anyone is in doubt they should always report even if the child says not to.

[lanalou]

I was molested as a kid by a man who is now a cop. Makes me feel just peachy.

[poetryandlyrics]

He's working for Hulu now, the last I heard.

[FYI]

My mother was sexually molested when she was a small child.

 

We have a workshop through the department every year that we sponsor for women interested in learning defensive tactics and other ways of protecting themselves from a potential rapist. RAD program is the name. And in order to be a RAD instructor, officers have to undergo an extensive amount of training (physically/mentally) in order to be certified to teach.

 

For male officers interested in becoming instructors, one of the drills includes that the officer is placed on a ground on his back while four other male participants hold onto their arms and legs and they have to try get free. The purpose of this exercise is to teach men how a woman can feel helpess being overpowered by her assailant(s). The male officers literally freaked out during the exercise, some almost on the brink of madness as they struggled to get free while the entire class watched.

 

After the exercise, many of the male officers said that they felt "helpless" & "embarrassed" after failing to escape and of course many didn't feel comfortable talking about the exercise afterward. What that exercise did was to put the male officers in the role of the female victim(s) so that they could understand what that position feels like to be in. I would go as far as saying that some of the male officers even seemed traumatized by the experience which is not even close to what a real rape victim feels; that sense of feeling powerless, not being in control.

 

For female officers interested in becoming RAD instructors, they were taken to the padded room and literally had to fight off several male role players twice the officers' size pretending to attempt to rape or harm them. A lot of hard punches and kicks were taken in that room. You would think that it's just training so why go full blast against your co-workers, but the training is revved up on purpose to make it much more realistic. Some people got the hell beaten out of them.

 

At the end of the program, the officers are certified RAD instructors. Whenver the department affords the opportunity to teach women defensive tactics or lecture regarding avoiding being a victim, the officers are able to teach at the seminar. Really intense program.

[Lonewing]

I don't know where he is. But I find it sad that it's mostly women posting here. And that a lot of us haven't reported them.

 

As sad as this may be, that may be for the best, given this repsonse where the incident was reported and the perpetrator actually served his sentence.

 

The guy who raped me was only in jail or a short period of time. He was let out after a few months, but I didn't know. I felt safe while he was in jail, but not long after he got out, I got a text from a number saying hey with a winky face. I asked who it was because I had gotten a new phone. The reply terrified me. It just simply said, "Lance. I think we have some talking to do(: see you soon!"

 

The problem is, the sentence is not forever...it's never forever. The bigger problem is, well, this:

 

...the first couple times he just kept telling me I got what i deserved...

 

Now let us suppose we lock a bunch of these guys up together, the guys that all think you deserved it. Tell me what positive outcome this will produce, when they get to sit around eachother reminescing abotu what they did with each other...when they get out, together they have street cred. Obviously some are treated differently [child molestors, for instance], but then there's the ones where the Inside is sympathetic. What then?

 

A cop once told me in a presentation that their statistics show 80% of all crimes are done 20% ofthe people. You have this 20%, who just don't care, and it's not legal to kill them or permanently incarcerate them until after they've done something like shoot up a movie theater. If they're smart, they go out the Loughner way - that idiot is STILL awaiting trial! It could be DECADES before we see the end of him!

 

I was molested as a kid by a man who is now a cop. Makes me feel just peachy.

 

And some of these people become the keepers, or are the keepers? It's hard to get sympathy when the cops aren't sympathetic, because they are either in the "you deserved it" crowd, or are in the "I'd have done it too" crowd, or in the "I already did it" crowd.

 

Tell me what positive avenues are left open for these perpetrators after they have "done their time." If you demand none, you might as well commit that person to a death sentence, because when they do get out, and they will always get out, there's no incentive for them to not do it again. Obviously we'd say that the time needs to be longer, or preferably "forever;" well, I know murderers can get out after 32 years, on parole with good behavior for killing another man, and when compared to rape, murder is far more permanent and far reaching than a rape will ever be - so if that is how we deal with murderers, I don't see us getting that much harsher on rapists. At most, they'll end up serving a couple decades in prison, at which point they'll get out and...do what?

 

It would seem to me that ex-rapists could be one of the stronger proponents for future rape prevention. Perhaps the answer is to put them through programs like this:

 

My mother was sexually molested when she was a small child.

 

We have a workshop through the department every year that we sponsor for women interested in learning defensive tactics and other ways of protecting themselves from a potential rapist. RAD program is the name. And in order to be a RAD instructor, officers have to undergo an extensive amount of training (physically/mentally) in order to be certified to teach.

 

For male officers interested in becoming instructors, one of the drills includes that the officer is placed on a ground on his back while four other male participants hold onto their arms and legs and they have to try get free. The purpose of this exercise is to teach men how a woman can feel helpess being overpowered by her assailant(s). The male officers literally freaked out during the exercise, some almost on the brink of madness as they struggled to get free while the entire class watched.

 

After the exercise, many of the male officers said that they felt "helpless" & "embarrassed" after failing to escape and of course many didn't feel comfortable talking about the exercise afterward. What that exercise did was to put the male officers in the role of the female victim(s) so that they could understand what that position feels like to be in. I would go as far as saying that some of the male officers even seemed traumatized by the experience which is not even close to what a real rape victim feels; that sense of feeling powerless, not being in control.

 

For female officers interested in becoming RAD instructors, they were taken to the padded room and literally had to fight off several male role players twice the officers' size pretending to attempt to rape or harm them. A lot of hard punches and kicks were taken in that room. You would think that it's just training so why go full blast against your co-workers, but the training is revved up on purpose to make it much more realistic. Some people got the hell beaten out of them.

 

At the end of the program, the officers are certified RAD instructors. Whenever the department affords the opportunity to teach women defensive tactics or lecture regarding avoiding being a victim, the officers are able to teach at the seminar. Really intense program.

 

Australia was built upon the backs of murdererers, rapists, thieves and the like. A crime does not commit a person to hell for the rest of eternity, even if we wish it did. the way I see it, those who can be recovered, should be recovered, but locking them up is not the answer. Locking them up for treatment, that makes sense, and psychological treatment such as a RAD program, where they get broken down to the point where they understand what they did, that makes sense. But Prison is not necessarily going to do this...if anything, it seems to me a lot of gangs have their roots in prisons...if that tells you anything... Putting a mark on these people for the rest of their life, onc ethey get out, is again not going to solve the issue. The people who commit crimes are not all going ot be marked, nd those marked are not necessailry goingto commit again,even if the two are highly probable.

 

but anyhow...

[wk419]

Roaming free, with a new victim, some 45 minutes from me.

It was our second date, and he must have drugged my drink. I got pregnant, but miscarried 6 weeks into it. That was a blessing in diguise. Plus, his behavior in the months followng reinforced my negative suspicions about his character.

I finally told him off good (reinforcing negative opinions about women) and my brother handled his truck-twice! I chickened out about going to press charges. I will let karma be his punishment.

As for my baby, she is with my Mom and my Grandma- and the 3 of them are my angels

[drummergirl]

Roaming free, also with a new victim. I'd feel bad, except I warned her (she called me to ask), and then ignored my warnings.

 

I'm not afraid though... I think I made it clear in the end that I'm not to be messed with and I'm happy to talk to the cops if I need to. Also, I have a gun.

[Coolstorybro]

As sad as this may be, that may be for the best, given this repsonse where the incident was reported and the perpetrator actually served his sentence.

The best for who?

 

Australia was built upon the backs of murdererers, rapists, thieves and the like.

Get your facts straight please, murderers and rapists were given the death penalty.

link removed

[Wayfara]

locking them up is not the answer. Locking them up for treatment, that makes sense, and psychological treatment such as a RAD program, where they get broken down to the point where they understand what they did, that makes sense.

 

Harder criminals are often effective manipulators with psychopathic tendencies. Psychopaths often get worse with treatment. Lacking basic empathy it's not sure to say they would respond to a RAD program as normal person would.

 

Jail might not make criminals less criminal but a rapist serving a ten year sentence are ten years the rapist won't be raping, some don't stop until they get caught. I do think criminals should get treatment while they are serving their sentence and that jail rape and jail gangs should be prevented but not at expense of their jail time. Treatment are not always effective, many who get treatment instead of jail get out prematurely and rape and kill again, it would have been safer to have had them locked up in jail.

 

Deterring crime is also only half of the purpose of jail, it's about justice too. When we discover a food company has put in dangerous ingredients in their products it's not enough for them to just stop using these dangerous ingredients, we expect them to pay for the damages they have caused. I think this should apply to all criminals, a rapist should be punished for raping even if it's just a one time thing, I don't believe in one time freebie.

[Lonewing]

Roaming free, also with a new victim

 

She's not a 'victim" if she wants his advances...for her, it's just sex...as difficult as that might be to imagine...

 

The best for who?

 

For HER. By saying nothing, he knows nothing about her, has likely forgotten her as "just another number," and as such, she's not "on his radar." Sure, if this guy came back into her life, she could get restraining orders and envoke whatever legal protections she may have at her disposal, but in general, these are hour and day answers to his potential minute actions, minute actions which could include physical confrontation. Instead, he's Gone, and not thinking one bit about her - the best solution indeed.

 

Get your facts straight please, murderers and rapists were given the death penalty.

link removed

 

You must first establish what constituted "rape" in the era Australia was colonized. Spousal rape, for instance, was not considered a crime, but a duty, covered by marital immunity. Marriage could furthermore be arranged or even forced, so if a man really desired to have sex with a woman without 'raping' her, he could very well go out of his way and marry her to do it.

 

Harder criminals are often effective manipulators with psychopathic tendencies. Psychopaths often get worse with treatment. Lacking basic empathy it's not sure to say they would respond to a RAD program as normal person would.

 

Jail might not make criminals less criminal but a rapist serving a ten year sentence are ten years the rapist won't be raping, some don't stop until they get caught. I do think criminals should get treatment while they are serving their sentence and that jail rape and jail gangs should be prevented but not at expense of their jail time. Treatment are not always effective, many who get treatment instead of jail get out prematurely and rape and kill again, it would have been safer to have had them locked up in jail.

 

Deterring crime is also only half of the purpose of jail, it's about justice too. When we discover a food company has put in dangerous ingredients in their products it's not enough for them to just stop using these dangerous ingredients, we expect them to pay for the damages they have caused. I think this should apply to all criminals, a rapist should be punished for raping even if it's just a one time thing, I don't believe in one time freebie.

 

I think the easier way to say it is, Harder criminals are those who do not respect other people or their rights. In a lot of ways, I believe swift death would be more just than even the "justice" of making them sit and wait, as if making them sit and wait costs them anything. While they sit and wait, they reinforce those they come in contact with, even if it's only a short time.

 

The bottom line is, you have a guy who rapes a girl, and you have these other people who say "she deserved it." You put these guys together in prison, where they can share their stories, you develop a cultuer of Disrespect. When the rapist gets out, he's in no way shape or formed changed; if anything, he's now hardened to repeat what he has already done.

 

Within rape we have those rapes that are violent, particularly where the attacker does not know the victim or vice-versa, and those rapes that fall under domestic violence - those that happen in "relationships" that aren't complete. I believe the latter may be treatable through something like RAD, through community service, trough therapy, if you were able to get them to respect and appreciate other people besides themselves. The former, Death. It'd be even better if it was a simple sniper where the rapists never even knew it was coming, just Done, Osama Bin Laden style.

 

"They must Pay." To be honest, there's really no agreeable repayment that will ever "balance the books." None, whatsoever. The ideal repayment from the view of the victim is life imprisonment or imprisonment until death. However, in my area a man who has had sex with a woman who is drunk has committed rape, because a woman who is drunk cannot legally consent to sex. When women pull that card, it seems men get disrespectful towards her real quick. Same too when the woman is playing around, teasing, but not serious. Or when the woman says yes, but then says no. Or when a woman acts "out of her place," and you some men who still believe there are "places" - behaviors, crowds, dresscodes - for everybody to adhere by. Hence, you might see where the disparities run, and where the issues develop.

[Wayfara]

Instead, he's Gone, and not thinking one bit about her - the best solution indeed.

 

In my opinion her case proves that he should have been locked up longer, not that he should never have been locked up at all. It's sad that rapists don't get automatic restraining orders from contacting their victims as contacting the victim clearly shows they lack remorse and need to be put behind bars permanently.

 

I believe swift death would be more just than even the "justice" of making them sit and wait, as if making them sit and wait costs them anything.

 

I don't know if jail is the ideal solution as the ideal solution might not have been invented yet. I do however disagree that sitting in jail doesn't cost the criminals anything, it costs them their freedom. In my opinion murderers and rapists shouldn't be walking around the streets as free men and women, how that it is done I care less about.

 

While they sit and wait, they reinforce those they come in contact with, even if it's only a short time.

 

I think it's sad they don't keep criminals more separated from each other in jail but not getting caught would incite them too and the more crimes a criminal commits the more hardened he becomes. They rape one girl, nothing happens, they rape another, nothing happens, they think they are invincible and rape three more. I don't think there is any evidence that criminals would become more hardened from sitting in jail than from being out there committing the crimes.

 

"They must Pay." To be honest, there's really no agreeable repayment that will ever "balance the books." None, whatsoever.

 

So you mean because no punishment is satisfying enough they shouldn't be punished at all? I don't agree with that. We don't let people off the hook when they owe more than they have, we collect their valuable possessions even when it isn't enough to pay off the debt.

 

Note I am not against rapists getting treatment but jail and treatment aren't mutually exclusive, they can have both.

[MasterPo]

Interesting post.

 

The rapist in the family is now living a hermit life. Lifetime probation and nobody visits him. Rape victim has disappeared from the family and we hope she returns someday. I imagine he got his in the DOC but he remains a non-person to most of the family. As I understand more about his crime, I grit my teeth as to the overall damage he did and when- if ever- it will surface.

[Lonewing]

 

I think it would do you well to learn more about 'the gray area" of the law; it's not something new. I went ahead and did a little more research, on your bequest, and found a couple noteworthy tokens. First, the type of convict sent to Australian changed over time, form the first offender to the more serious offender. Second, while Britain has a rather "bloody Code" in the early parts of the 1700s, by the end of that century judges were handing down lesser sentences saying the maximum were too harsh. Third, you and I only have the records that are written and survived; how much was not written far surpasses that which has been destroyed, either on purpose or on accident.

 

Now in our present culture, we also give the death penalty to murderers and in some cases rapists but this is usually because the murderers are also rapists. The root problem being one of respect, and these peopel do not respect anyone but perhaps themselves. My ex sister-in-law, for example, killedmy brother, but for her crime she was only given 65 years - plea deal - and she may be out in as little as 32 on good behavior. So while it may say on paper that Murder is punishable by Death, I know what the reality is.

 

So let us take your 1799 Rape case brought before the magistrate. The woman says he raped her, he says it was consensual. Or there is no proof. Or it's unproveable. The judge then decides to bring the man guilty of a lesser charge for which a crime CAN be established - something "trivial," perhaps. Or, perhaps the man rapes the woman but it is in a manner in which it cannot be set in court. The woman informs her people, and her people find a crime by which the man CAN be convicted - and in this time frame, there were some rather "Trivial" crimes. In otherwords, Politics is quite powerful once you screw up somewhere else. You may also have magistrates giving sentences less than the maximum allowable sentence, hence, a rapist could indeed escape the rope and end up in the Australian penal colonies.

 

The real weight of the penal colonies is something of a profound development within our understanding of convicts. Hisotrically, the idea is, once a convist, always a convict. And while these people may have still been treated as convicts, many of them went to make something of themselves the best they could. Unfortunelayt for us, we do not as of yet have a Moon colony...

 

It should stand, though, that in the 1700s, if a man wanted to have sex with a girl, all he had to do was marry her, which often meant convincing her father that he was worthy of her hand - arranged/forced marriage was still common in that era, and once married, sex was a marital obligation whether she wanted it or not, although if he didn't want it then she was stuck not having it. Hence, we come to this:

 

Whether or not it's illegal in a certain area doesn't change whether or not it's rape. Just because it's not a crime, doesn't mean it's not rape.

 

We have what is right, what is wrong, and what is popular. The idea of consent itself - that a woman can say no - and the extent to which it now extends, is something relatively new as well. We have our legislation, our elections, our bills, which by an large decide what is Popular. We have our Supreme Court, which by and large decides what's right and wrong, based upon the formal documents that are the foundation of our rule of law. Even so, you have people serving in either avenue who decide with the opposite reasoning, even if in their position is in reverse given their place. Yes, it's still rape no matter how you look at it, but it becomes a question of legality and outright semantics.

 

The bulk formation of my present stance on this issue is an hour long class in which roughly 30 males were lumped into a room and we discussed these issues. I dare say, if the majority of you heard what passed in that room, you would be deeply depressed with the present internal state of the modern man. The balance of respect is perhaps now as perilous as it has ever been; right now, women enjoy a power position where they are effectively able to have their cake and eat it too. If men want sex, their only legal avenue is through these women, and neither side seems wlling to "play fair." We'll see where it goes in the next couple decades.

 

I will say, though, that we are extremely privileged to live NOW in this time and in the western world, where we can even have these discussion in the first place - extremely privileged!

[Coolstorybro]

I think it would do you well to learn more about 'the gray area" of the law

I think you need to stop making excuses because you got caught spreading falsehoods.

 

You stated "Australia was built upon the backs of murdererers, rapists, thieves and the like. A crime does not commit a person to hell for the rest of eternity, even if we wish it did."

 

You got corrected, but instead of doing the intelligent thing, you constructed a flimsy excuse you really meant "spousal rape".

 

Given the context, that is definitely not what you meant.

 

BTW In no shape or form does lack of records give your made up scenarios any credibilty.

[Lonewing]

Out of overy 175,000 convict sent over 300 years ago, you proclaim to know precisely who and what they were in for? Please...

 

I have no doubt that there were indeed rapists and murderers amongst them. Hence, it's not a falsehood - particularly if it is on the books that judges were giving more lenient sentences by the latter half of the 1700s.

 

The whole point of bringing up Australia in the first place is to put up the redeamable criminal, the situation that by and large showed the world that being a criminal is not a permanent sentence, and perhaps what has led most to the avenues we now have for treating crime - things like probation, community service and so forth.

 

If you have issue with that, good for you.

[Coolstorybro]

Out of overy 175,000 convict sent over 300 years ago, you proclaim to know precisely who and what they were in for? Please...

 

I have no doubt that there were indeed rapists and murderers amongst them. If you have issue with that, good for you.

For all I know you could be a rapist too, does that mean I can accuse you of it?

[Lonewing]

For all I know you could be a rapist too, does that mean I can accuse you of it?

 

You'd be wise to research your local laws first. In my area, it illegal to bear false witness as it is further illegal to bring either libel or slander against another - defamation of character, as it is known. A quick background search on your country reveals your country indeed has similar laws. For what it's worth.

 

I personally find this crime to be deplorable, whereas it can potentially destroy one person far beyond the act itself while the other can move on without even the slightest effect. The most alarming issue, though, is how fragile the social fabric is right now, with regards to the sexes and respect. In talking about it, hopefully we'll find a more workable solution, because what we have right now is not working. Keeping silent, we only allow the present situation to continue unabated, and with social trends being what they are right now, I wish to see things change.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course.