Should I confront him?

[sho0]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about four years. He is my first boyfriend...

I am 21 and he is 20. He joined the Army almost a year ago which has made things infinitely harder... but I think we've done well through the distance and I've always felt I could trust him.

 

However,

About a month ago, for some stupid reason I went on his myspace and checked his messages. I don't know why I did it... I didn't expect to find anything.

Anyway, I found a message he sent to a girl he went out with in Middle School. Their relationship ended after she cheated on him. The message said:

[copy/paste]

"I really do miss you alot. I don't feel like I belong with Meghan at all lately. I can see her as a great friend, but not as a life mate.

 

I've never felt the same way since you were in my life. The way I felt around you is indescribable. I hope to see you sooner rather than later.

 

 

she responded with:

"Ditto."

 

 

I want to bring it up to him... to see how he really feels. I keep asking questions around it, but he seems to put up this front that tells me everything is fine and that he loves me all the same.

I don't know what to think.

He has a tendency to change his mind a lot. Maybe he has since then? I don't know. I feel so gullible.

 

...I don't want him to be mad at me for checking his personal messages. Everyone has the right to their own privacy... ugh. I shouldn't have done it!!!!

 

Do I bring it up to him?

 

I ultimately don't want to see him get hurt again, either.... I think he would only regret getting back into a relationship with her. I don't know her, but I know things about her that he has told me in the past.

 

Thank you for your time,

Meghan

[Incognito_Squito]

Yeah, you're in a bit of a pickle there. On one hand, you have to view it as it could have been a momentary weakness and something he never intended on acting upon. After all, if he never intended to go through with it, and he never thought you would find out and get hurt, then he probably saw no harm in it.

 

On the other hand, if he did intend to go through with it, you should be done with him. There is no reason you should let people play with your emotions like that. And even if you worked things out, you would probably always have this in the back of your mind - anytime he was a little quieter than normal, or anytime you guys fight about something small.

 

Sure, you don't have the moral high ground or anything since you invaded his space, but regardless of that, you have to make a decision based upon the information you have, not the information you're supposed to have.

 

Has he given you any other signs that he's cheating?

[Aschleigh]

Bring it up. If you work out your difference and become stronger that's great. If you see that he can't work through tough issues, he is not the right person for you.

He is being dishonest to you already. Confront him with love .

[jraf]

He is my first boyfriend...

 

I found a message he sent to a girl he went out with in Middle School. Their relationship ended after she cheated on him. The message said:

[copy/paste]

"I really do miss you alot. I don't feel like I belong with Meghan at all lately. I can see her as a great friend, but not as a life mate.

 

I've never felt the same way since you were in my life. The way I felt around you is indescribable. I hope to see you sooner rather than later.

 

 

she responded with:

"Ditto."

 

 

I want to bring it up to him... to see how he really feels.

I think you know. You have it in writing.

 

He has a tendency to change his mind a lot.

If in breakfast cereal; not a problem

If in relationships; problem for you.

 

I feel so gullible.

You shouldn't feel gullible on the basis of one situation.

To be gullible you'd have to be a serial believer of obviously fictitious situations.

 

Everyone has the right to their own privacy... ugh. I shouldn't have done it!!!!

True, but you checked anyway and learned what you learned. You can't unlearn it.

 

Do I bring it up to him?

Or you could put a copy of the message on the front of the door as you are leaving if you want to avoid the face to face discussion. If you don't actually live together, you could simply send him a copy in the mail.

 

I ultimately don't want to see him get hurt again, either.... I think he would only regret getting back into a relationship with her.

So your first bf of 4 years is in contact with a former schoolmate, tells her he misses her much, can't even describe how good it feels to be around her, tells her he doesn't belong with you, tells her he sees you as a friend and your concern is about him getting hurt? Curious.

[kluv224]

I'd bring it up. Better now than later.

[Bunney]

So your first bf of 4 years is in contact with a former schoolmate, tells her he misses her much, can't even describe how good it feels to be around her, tells her he doesn't belong with you, tells her he sees you as a friend and your concern is about him getting hurt? Curious.

 

Yeah, exactly.

 

If that was my bf I would dump him immidiately. Doesn't matter if he was serious or not, it clearly shows he has no respect for you and your relationship, and is trying to get that girl back.

[orangesoda]

Sorry, but it's time to leave. I don't think he could have been any more clear about his feelings towards you. It really doesn't matter that it's his middle school classmate, that she's a girl, or he misses her. It's what he wrote about YOU and HIM that shows his true feelings. He could have written this to a guy friend, the significance is that he doesn't feel strongly about you.