Do you ever stop thinking about him/her

[poochy]

Its been over a year now, and still think about her everyday. My life is great, I have many friends who I go out with a lot, my works got me constantly on my toes. I also try and keep fit as I can, but my point is that I feel like a learnt a lot from the break up and I have come along way in the past year, why is it I still think about her this much. Its like an automatic switch that turns on when ever I'm not doing anything else.

What more must I do?

[enchiladaman]

Are you with a new person or dating someone new?

[poochy]

No I haven't found someone, who I'd like to start a relationship with

[enchiladaman]

That might be why. Seems like you are happy and definitely have healed and are over your ex. I noticed I didn't really start to completely stop thinking about her until I had some new women in my life that I could project some of my emotions and thoughts onto when I got lonely.

 

Takes a while to learn to redirect your mind. I noticed when I dated a little early on after the breakup I missed her even more cause I wasn't healed. Once I was healed and started dating...the thought of other women was much more appealing.

 

So for me personally, finding some new girls to put some effort into during your idle time outside of friends and work and time was the key.

[KidfromFLA11]

Depending on how much you truly cared about the person it could take months. You have to realize that everything in life does happen for a reason and you cant control fate or destiny. You have to realize that maybe this was not the person for you. Right all your feelings down. Dont show them to anybody, but writing everything down really helps just to get it al out of your head.

[veneratio]

It's been about a year for me as well and I still think about her when I'm alone. I'm currently dating someone and there are still those times that I think of my ex. Wish I knew what to tell you, but you aren't alone. What I try to do is as soon as I start thinking about her, I immediately start doing something else, doesn't stop it from entering my mind, but maybe in time it will stop.

[Aviatormy]

If the thoughts that you are having are about the good times that you used to share with her then this is just a sign that you are in fact missing the companionship of the opposite sex and you are READY to move on.

 

I would look at this as a wonderful thing! Get out there and start flirting. Your mind, body and soul are telling you that it misses having a significant other to stimulate yourself. just don't rush into anything, but it seems as if you are more than ready. Good Job on your healing! I am glad you waited this long before starting to try with someone else.

 

Now whoever you meet has a FAIR chance because you will not be comparing her to your ex.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Its been over a year now, and still think about her everyday. My life is great, I have many friends who I go out with a lot, my works got me constantly on my toes. I also try and keep fit as I can, but my point is that I feel like a learnt a lot from the break up and I have come along way in the past year, why is it I still think about her this much. Its like an automatic switch that turns on when ever I'm not doing anything else.

What more must I do?

 

 

It means that you are still not completely over her...the more you felt for someone, the harder it is for the feelings to go away. Eventually they will, but it just takes time. It is okay that you are not completely over it. I would not suggest rushing out to find someone new in the hopes that you won't think about her...that always backfires on people. Just continue on with your life and let the thoughts and feelings fade over time.

[Mustang]

One of the things that frustrates me is that no matter how angry I am with my ex and no matter how hurt she has made me, I know that I will not get over this for a very long time.

 

I think of her just as much know as I have done since we first split. All while she's moving on and making new memories with the guy she dumped me for without a care in the world.

 

It is really hard. I want to move on. I want to be happy again but I can't just flip a switch and not care anymore. Unlike some...

[JiSer]

I was dumped back in feb 07.

 

My ex crops back into mind at least every day, its so annoying!! The best things I do are to keep me preoccupied. I know when I meet someone else one day...if i ever do then the ex wil no longer crop up.

 

I can't believe how much I let it affect my life in such a big way but it has and because of that I am going to be so much more careful and one minded in the future. I suffered from what I call a MASSIVE DOSE OF CO DEPENDENCY. (Ignore spelling)

[MattyG]

Depending on how much you truly cared about the person it could take months. You have to realize that everything in life does happen for a reason and you cant control fate or destiny. You have to realize that maybe this was not the person for you. Right all your feelings down. Dont show them to anybody, but writing everything down really helps just to get it al out of your head.

 

Anyone ever get the feeling there ment to be alone?

[wtm78]

the truth is my friend, when a man is serious about a r/s, he is really commited. and she will be part of your memory whether you like it or not... and you will probably really get over her when you find someone else...

 

my 1st ex was a 5 yr r/s... for the 1st 3 years i let her go but she is still in my mind... but as time goes, it just gets lesser... until i found someone new..

[starlette08]

I was dumped back in feb 07.

 

My ex crops back into mind at least every day, its so annoying!! The best things I do are to keep me preoccupied. I know when I meet someone else one day...if i ever do then the ex wil no longer crop up.

 

I can't believe how much I let it affect my life in such a big way but it has and because of that I am going to be so much more careful and one minded in the future. I suffered from what I call a MASSIVE DOSE OF CO DEPENDENCY. (Ignore spelling)

 

how long were you two together for? thats a long time. i hope that im completely over my ex in 6 months time - haha.

[poochy]

thanks for sharing people. I guess its like a scar (your first love) no matter how much you try and cover it up, its always gonna be there. We're still friends, and although it doesn't hurt anymore like It used to, I still melt when she smiles at me.

[lady00]

Anyone ever get the feeling there ment to be alone?

 

Sometimes I feel this way--not in a bad way, not as a negative reflection on myself, but rather just because that seems like the way my life is shaping up. It doesn't really bother me because I've spent way more time being single than I have being in relationships, so being single is more normal for me than being with someone and I am very used to it.

[lady00]

I think that continuing to think about her sounds very normal. I don't think it necessarily means you're not over her. That's possible, but I think for many people it is hard to stop thinking about the last relationship until someone new comes into your life.

[poochy]

Has anyone completely stopped thinking about someone before moving onto a new relationship, or is it when you started thinking about them less when you moved on?

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Has anyone completely stopped thinking about someone before moving onto a new relationship, or is it when you started thinking about them less when you moved on?

 

I think it depends on the individual. Some people move on by dealing with the pain before finding someone new, others have already anticipated the break up and have already begun some form of healing before the official split and move on with another love fairly soon.

 

I think you know yourself when your really ready, even if you dont always admit it. Move on too soon and as we all know, its a rebound, and they quite often fail because the underlying feelings from the previous relationship havent been processed through. Also, this is quite a selfish way of dealing with the situation because the person you rebound with is an innocent party who often gets hurt.

 

IMO its best to really try and decide where your up to with your own healing before moving on as it's going to save a lot of extra heartache in the end.

 

If you truly know for sure that seeing or hearing from your ex isnt going to cause your heart to skip a beat, and that although your new flame may not be the love of your life or 'the one', you wouldnt leave them to return to your ex, then your ready to try again.

[enchiladaman]

I think about her every day. Life goes on and I have completely healed, but she is there. I've learned to accept it and am okay with it.

[Coffee80]

I thought I would never be able to get over my first guy.We were together for 5 years and it took me good 3 years of crying everyday before i completely healed.But I completely cut off from him,moved to a different country,left the people and job i loved the most because the memories were hard to live by and still I suffered for 3 years.I am glad I didn't go into a rebond relationship;because though it took me time - I completely healed.I do think of him once in a while,but its not like everyday and there is no ill,painful feelings.The negativity has been lost somewhere between the years and I cherish the good times.

[poochy]

I think i can officially say that im not over her I think me starting this thread was a sign. I'm still happy with my life its going great. I've been talking to her alot more now, but I miss her even more.

[Lugh]

Im over a year out and still think of her, not everyday but most days , its not easy but you have ups and downs, im at the anger /acceptance stage at the moment.

it depends on how long you were 2gether (5yrs) and how deeply you were committed (engaged) and how you were dumped (out of the blue) ,

you learn something every day and you move on a little everyday, i may not be completely over her but i have moved on and getting on with my like.

Think about them, smile, send them some love and move on as best you can.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I dont think you ever really stop thinking about the 'good guys' or the 'one that got away'. it just takes some small thing to trigger the memories.

 

I am five weeks not into total no contact. havent seen or heard from him but i can honestly say i think its getting worse not easier. I think about him 24/7. I thought I would be thinking less and less about him to be honest

[Mustang]

I am five weeks not into total no contact. havent seen or heard from him but i can honestly say i think its getting worse not easier. I think about him 24/7. I thought I would be thinking less and less about him to be honest

 

Likewise. To be honest, the past three weeks of NC has been the worst thing to deal with. I miss the pointless chit chat texts. I know that ultimately it was hurting me but to have NOTHING hurts more than I thought it would.

 

I thought I'd be better by now. I thought I'd get used to everything. But, like you, I too think of them more.

 

I guess all we can do is hope that they are feeling the same way.

 

Actually, here's a question, seeing as I told my ex that I could no longer be friends (for now)... is it my responsibility to break NC? I mean, she's not going to bother contacting me is she? Even if she wants to. So is it down to me to get back in touch with her and if/when I do, how do I go about it?

 

I do hope to contact her again because I know that all the * * * * that's gone on in the last few months isn't how I want things to be remembered. That said, I don't want to contact her and look like I can't handle NC. It'll de-value everything I said in my last email to my ex. She will get the ego boost of me again. I want to have control for once. Although, right now, I don't feel like I have any.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

1) Re: getting in contact. DONT until you know for SURE that if you dont get a response its not going to kill you and bring you right back to square one emotionally, because remember the best thing about NC is that you cant say anything daft to put them off or make them run.

 

2) Re: wanting to have control for once. Youve actually GOT control RIGHT NOW. Your wanting contact but controlling it which shows your looking after yourself emotionally.

 

to be honest, your doing great. Youve also cheered me up today knowing that Im not the only one who is thinking MORE of my ex and not LESS. Its calmed me down to know Im not alone, so thank you for that x