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It doesn't last long.


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I do believe in the quality v. quantity thing also. But as far as that goes. The longest we have ever made love is about 20 minutes (not including foreplay), but the average time is about 10 minutes, I guess. He is also worried about that. He wants to try stuff to make him last longer. So, what are your input on that?


Also, I don't want to risk anything with the method that you suggested. I have a very very very irregular 'cycle' so there really is NO telling when I am likely to get pregnant. I do think that, even when we just use a condom, that I am very unlikely to get pregnant. So, I don't worry about it... well, only when he brings it up first.


So, any other suggestions I should know?




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hmm, 10-20 minutes is probably pretty normal, some people can't even go for that long, but the thing is, its usually bad to compare to other people. When it comes to sex, the couple has to decide what is right for them since everyone else is different. I think "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." applies to your situation.


But you asked for suggestions,


some things I have heard is:


- Masturbate a few hours before so there is no urgency to go too fast.

(Also if a guy goes off early, if he is young and unselfish enough, he can usually keep on going with hands and such and be ready again in about 30 minutes and his lady will be flying from the ceiling by then)

- there is nothing wrong with a guy losing his woody for a short break, he can still be aroused anyway

(Tantric sex folks would tell you a guy needs to rest the bloodflow to his manhood every 30 minutes or so anyway)

- don't be too goal oriented about the orgasm part, don't worry about timing simultaneous orgasms or about performance. As said elsewhere, its about closeness and intimacy, the other things are bonuses.

- be in good physical shape. (weight) (Some people like morning romps better than nights because they are fresh in the morning)

- too much alcohol is a depressant and doesn't help men's bloodflow,

some say alcohol increases desire but reduces ability.

making love with clear heads, open eyes and lights on takes more trust.

- smoking is bad for the blood flow system as well.


Another thought is if there is other problems in a relationship, fixing the sex won't always help the other things, but the reverse does work, i.e. sometimes fixing the intimacy of the relationship does help the physical part.


In other words... talk about it.



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Considering many women don't have an orgasm at all through normal sex, I'd say he's got nothing to be worried about. But if he does worry, and he'd like you to have one most of the time, then perhaps he could pay some special attention to you either orally, or with his fingers (if he's good with them that way) and get you off that way first. Then the pressure he puts on himself to have you make it as well will be off, and he'll feel better.


As Derek says, up to 20 minutes is longer than a lot of guys can manage. He should last longer the second time and beyond too, as the initial excitement is mainly taken care of the first time. He can concentrate more on you after his first one. Depends on whether his refractory period is too long though. If it is, there's not too much that can be done.


Condoms reduce the sensations a bit, and can result in longer sessions. As can choice of position. Different positions have different sensations.

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Its true, there are different "levels" and "kinds" of orgasms, so he

shouldn't be stressing over somedays it's off the hook, and other days it's just a nice release. If you or he saw a particular movie, it could change the results alot too. (i.e. "Titanic", "Bridget Jones Diary", "LordotRings" or "Fight Club?"


I think it's a guy thing, guys are really concerned that they are great lovers. While a girl has 1000 other things that she thinks is important in the relationship (talking and sharing etc.) that is almost as important as the sex part. He's got to get a grip (so to speak ) and have perspective about it. If his woman is satisfied (truly), then he should be. Once the folks can relax about the performance, then often great things can happen from there. (just like sports)



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