Going Out with a Friend Who Has a Boyfriend

[Texas2004]

I have a friend that I went out on a few dates with, nothing really sparked but we enjoyed each others company. She ended up getting a formal boyfriend and has been dating him for about a month. I hadn't talked with her much since then, but we recently had a nice lunch and reconnected well again (just friendly).

 

I simply like spending time with her (nothing more), and I know she does the same, but how do I go about asking her to do things with the boyfriend in the picture? Is it up to her to tell him we are just friends? I don't know the guy, and she doesn't really talk about him much, so I can't gauge if he would be the jealous type. Thoughts?

[midnightrambler]

you dont ask...find a proper gf

[livinginsbi]

Are you feeling gf/bf with her - or are you honestly just two people who like to hang out together?

[mecoptera]

There is nothing wrong with friends wanting to hang out with each other. If her boyfriend has a problem with that then it is up to her and him to work it out.

[Censored]

Nothing to do with you at all.

 

it's up to her to sort out.

[drewciouS281]

first you need to figure out what your intentions are. Are you hanging out with her in hopes to win her over or purely just cause she is a friend and fun to hang out with?

 

From personal experiance alot of men dont favor thier girl constantly hangin with another guy because usually one or the other start to have feelings for one another. Now im not speaking for all cases but some. Sure you can hang with her as long as you intend to just be friends but dont ask her to do things that people would on dates, like a romantic dinner or weekend getaway. Just do fun friend things, parties, shoppin partner, bar buddy etc. First figure out your intentions though.

[ghost69]

you dont ask...find a proper gf

 

ahhhhhhh hallelujah! perfect response.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

first you need to figure out what your intentions are. .

 

Exactly. If you truly are 'just friends' then there is no problem with it. If her bf has a problem with it, it's between the two of them. I have several really good guy friends - some of which i see as family simply because I grew up with them. And it has never affected my relationship. BUT it depends on what you want out of your relationship with her, and what her comfort levels are when hanging out with other guys while in a relationship.

[Texas2004]

I think the best approach is to say something like "I had a nice time seeing you, I enjoy your company as a friend, I respect your relationship with your boyfriend, would you like to go to dinner or do things occasionally as friends?"

 

Some people suggest that just because a girl gets a boyfriend, then her other guy friends can no longer spend time with her alone. That just boggles my mind (particularly if the intentions are to remain just friends - like mine).

[Texas2004]

Here is a good example of how this might be an issue. I have a formal dinner coming up in a month and I can bring a guest (most everyone else will have somebody with them - fyi i was the only single guy at this event last year). The meal is already paid (part of my registration fee). My preference (and most guys I'm sure) is to bring a female if at all possible. Since I don't currently have a gf, I would like to invite her as a friend. So, if I make it clear to her the parameters of the event (including the meal is already paid for) and that I don't want to cause anything weird with her bf, are there still any problems with it? Aren't I really just putting it in her hands and she then decides what she wants to do?

[LanceVanceDance]

Did you get the feeling that it was uneasy for her to keep seeing you as a friend? It seems you just assume it will be problematic.

 

Inviting her out to that dinner does seem a bit awkward, IMO. Maybe it won't be, but it depends on the personalities involved.