haven't seen my ex in months ... good or bad?

[hoppy26]

to put along story into a small amount of words my ex of almost three years bailed on me with very little explanation. after 4 or 5 months of her playing games with me i cut all contact. mainly because i found out from a few friends she had a new boyfriend. its been about 4 months now.

i will not contact her, i know i shouldnt. i guess what is bothering me at the moment is that i dont ever see her out with her best friends when they are out at bars. it seems she has a hole new world and is pretty serious with this guy. from what i know of him he is alittle older then me. maybe 28 or 29. she may even be living with him and that really eats me apart. i just dont know much at all, and i suppose not knowing is best. im just still feeling the after effects of her walking out on me and starting a new relationship so soon. she really had me fooled at first when she told me she just needed a "break". i know can sit here and understand what her idea of a break is. i need to add its been 8 months. i havent dated, nor feel the desire to really. im 26 years old, and feel like ill never meet someone who will stick around.

[caliboy]

i just went through and am still kind of going through exactly what you are. i didn't want to date for the longest time either and that's fine. in fact it's smart, cause it shows you are subconsciously learning from whatever mistakes your last relationship had, so that you'll be smarter next time around. she moved on fast, cause she's probably the type of girl who's dependant on a guy?. the reason why you two broke up is important. if she truly loves you, she WILL call you and things will work out. it's really good that you haven't talked to her in awhile. as far as meeting someone new, just give it time and it will happen. i couldn't date for 9 months after my ex and i split. and once i did start dating again, my walls were up and i wouldn't let anyone in. but about a month ago, i met a girl who i clicked with... late night phone calls, physical attraction, all that stuff and her and i are now starting to let down our walls. maybe you need closure from your ex? maybe it would be worth giving her a call and telling her how you feel just as a last try, cause it's been 4 months since you've talked to her which is awhile. if things are meant to be, they will happen.

[djbillblob]

it seems like its usually the women who moves on first after a break-up. Maybe you should too. meeting someone new is a good way to get over an ex. i don't mean rushing into anything serious straight away.

 

i broke up just recently and while i was wallowing at home, i found out my ex was already going out to dance classes, which is basically speed dating with music and clubbing. which is probably the right thing to do.

 

it's not easy as you being the guy have to be proactive in initiating things and your confidence is probably low now. but give it a try.

[Tex1907]

that would be the exact same thing that happened to me almost except I was with my girl for over 4 years...and she just took off. She had a new boyfriend like 3 days later which was ridiculous. She was only 20 and I am 19...her new boyfriend is 27 which is also ridiculous....I found out the hard way that she just ditched me for another guy she worked with. She even dropped out of school and everything...she is screwing up her life. Its been about 2 months of no contact and she dumped me about four months ago.....I know that If she loves me she will come back....but the question is if someone really loved you would they treat you like that??? or use you as some kind of security blanket....so if she came back I dont know what I would say. I still love her but im not sure I want to...maybe thats something u should think about as well.....so I would say no contact is good because If she wanted to contact you she would....she knows exactly where u are and you contacting her could only make things worse.....im going to let myx contact me if she she wants to....but im not going to contact her....otherwise im going to have nothing to do with her

[jacobtyker]

Over year ago I went through a very similar thing, girl I was totally in love with and had lived with for a couple years broke up with me. I did not give up on the relationship at all after we broke up. A few weeks later she told me she was dating someone else. Unfortunately circumstances made it so we moved in together right after she told me that (like the next day). So, unlike you, I knew a lot, pretty much everything. That was terrrible, although not knowing hurts, knowing is so much worse. I'd know the nights she wouldn't come home and such, that is the most horrible feeling you can imagine. Looking back, the lesson I learned was that you have to give up at a certain point. I didn't give up on her and I fast enough and it destroyed me. The whole time I knew she still wanted me, she told me, but you have to make yourself happy and living day to day to get her back doesn't do that, dispite what it may seem.

[JSHRN]

I'm going through the same hell yself now and it sucks. My GF and I dated for 3 months when she said she "needed a break to focus on school". This from someone who went out of her way last summer to get my attention and go out with her. Now, I haven't heard from her in 3 1/2 weeks and haven't seen her in 6 weeks. This is a break and you need space? Seems like a break up, yet she never told me.

 

When we first started seeing each other my walls were up and she wasn't coming in. We clicked and I gradually let my walls down. We had a great physical attraction and everything was going well. Then she just disappeared and stopped calling. No explanation. Nothing. I know I should probably move on. I don't know if she is seeing anyone now but I would very disappointed because she didn't have time for me, supposedly.