annie24 Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 my mom was married at 21, and divorced by 27. that's what i remind her of when she starts complaining that i am not married yet. i think that we are better off waiting to meet the right man, rather than jump into something, and be divorced a few years later. s2s's story of not meeting the right guy until her late 30s is an inspiration. heck, i'd wait even longer if that means he's my soulmate.... Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 Yeah I know. I just don't want to be old when I find "Mr.Right". Right now, I don't want any kids. I don't think I'd have the patients for them and certainly not ready at 22 either. I wouldn't be able to support them. I have a job but it's good for 1 person, not a family. Plus I'm afraid of going through child birth and thinking I'll die or something. But my Mom told me what if you find Mr. Right and he wants kids. I told her well he can find someone else because I don't want any. My mom said that's pretty selfish. Well it maybe, but I don't care. Then I think well what if I do find Mr. Right and having one kid wouldn't be so bad, I guess. I just don't want that to be when I am 40. I mean me and my kid 40 years apart. I wouldn't be alive to see my grand children. Be old by the time they graduate high school. I just don't know, I am undecided with kids. Well I don't know, my parents dated five years before they decided to get married. They been married for 27 years. They were in there early 20s when they married, so that married by 21 divorced by 27 or whatever I don't think holds true, not for everyone. With some people it is but not everyone who marrys young always divorces. I know a few of my friend's parents who were High school sweethearts and are still married!!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 in the grand scheme of things - if he is mr. right and you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, what is the difference if you meet him at 32, as opposed to 22? if you're married until you are in your 90s, that's still over 50 years of life together. and what if your mr. right is out there, but he is not ready to be in a relationship right now due to other issues he is dealing with. i'd just take this time to work on yourself, enjoy the single life. do things that you couldn't do with a husband and kids, like travel around europe or india, go backpacking, get more education, do some volunteer work. being single isn't all bad, and who knows, you might meet mr. right doing one of these exciting activities! i took a tour through morocco several years back with about 20 other people. a couple met on the trip, fell in love, and now they are happily married. they would never have met each other if they hadn't decided to take this trip to morocco as single people. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 Um, if you had a child when you were 40 you would only be 58 when the child graduated high school - where do you get that you would not be alive then?? My bf's father was 40 when my bf was born -he is now 81 and in great shape. I think it is selfish to the child to have a child just because your partner wants a child so i disagree with your mother. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 >>>in the grand scheme of things - if he is mr. right and you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, what is the difference if you meet him at 32, as opposed to 22? No, what my Mom was saying was it's selfish if the dude wants a kid with me, but I don't want one. Which I can see, I mean if I did want a kid and the guy doesn't. I'd think that would be unfair. >>>Um, if you had a child when you were 40 you would only be 58 when the child graduated high school - where do you get that you would not be alive then?? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Compared to ...who? And who cares what others think about how you look as compared to your kids? My 65 year old friend has a 5 year old, he doesn't care and neither does his daughter. And if you have a child when you are 40, you will only be 70 when the child is 30 - many 30 year olds have children. Some 30 year olds with kids look old, in my opinion. Do you think it would be nice of someone to comment on how "old" someone looks as a parent - how do you know if that 45-50 year old parent of a young child couldn't have children for years, decided to adopt later in life, whatever. That seems very small minded. Yes it would be unfair to date someone who definitely wants kids if you definitely do not, if you were dating in order to get serious. but it's not unfair to not want kids - that's your choice. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 I'm just saying to have a 18 year old high schooler, with a 60 year old mom, would be embarrasing to the 18 yr old. I know a few students I went to high school with embarrassed, because of there parents age, compared to the other high schoolers parents who were in there 40s. I know it all depends on when they had kids and stuff. But some high schoolers do feel that way. My one friend has a dad in his 60s, 70s now and her mom is in her 40s. A lot of people thought her dad was her grandpa and she was embarrassed by that. I don't think its being small minded, its just a fact of life for some people. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 parents always embarrass their children, no matter what. a friend of mine had her son in her early 20s. she is now in her 30s, a young hip attractive mom who does bellydancing as a hobby. he's always saying stuff like, 'mom - you're embarrassing me!!!' i don't think that having kids young or old will prevent being embarrassing your children. that shouldn't be a reason to wait or not to wait to have children, that they might be embarrassed by you someday. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 parents always embarrass their children, no matter what. a friend of mine had her son in her early 20s. she is now in her 30s, a young hip attractive mom who does bellydancing as a hobby. he's always saying stuff like, 'mom - you're embarrassing me!!!' i don't think that having kids young or old will prevent being embarrassing your children. that shouldn't be a reason to wait or not to wait to have children, that they might be embarrassed by you someday. Might? lol. More like "definitely will be embarrassed by you someday." It's the way of things. Doesn't matter the age gap between parents and kids...they're still your parents and they will always be uncool and do embarrassing things. So glad I've never experienced that first hand. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 Ha Ha cute! I guess age gap isn't really much of a big deal in having kids and what not. Still I don't want to be too old and miss out on things, if you catch my drift Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Miss out on things? If you specifically do not want to miss out on watching grandchildren get married then sure have children soon but of course that means (1) that you have or adopt a child who wants to get married; (2) that your child wants to and can have children; (3) that you remain close with your child and grandchild; (4) that you are in good health for all this time. that's a lot of "ifs" and that is why people say "man plans and god laughs" - you are missing out on life RIGHT NOW by being so negative. The "things" you talk about "missing out" on are so tentative and depend on so many different people who don't even exist yet that to worry about it now makes no sense. One of my best friends met the love of her life at 29, married at 31, died of a terminal illness at 34 (diagnosed before the wedding so, no kids). My parents have been married 52 years and right now, none of us is married and we are in our 40s. One of their grandchildren is low functioning and he likely won't get married. Another friend of mine got married at 21, and she now has a 15 year old and a wonderful husband. Another got married twice before age 32, now has gorgeous daughters, and is battling cancer. Another is 41 and has two children under 4 - which she had by herself, no partner. You never know but to walk around so negative now about missing out on things and about other things is the missing out on things you are doing. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 I just ment if I was 60 something, I ain't worried about it right now, I have no idea whats in store for the future. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 If you were 60 "or something" then you probably wouldn't be having a child biologically, but would adopt. I'm glad you are not worrying about it - your previous post said you were. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 I think your missing my point, but that's ok. Of course, no women would have a child at 60 yrs of age. No, I'm not worried about it. The only point I was trying to make was, that I don't want a kid when I am older, because by the time they've grown up, I COULD be missing out on other events in their life thats all I ment. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 I understood your point perfectly - you just would like to stay in your negative comfort zone - which isn't the best plan. My post above responds to that. And yes women in their 60s adopt children, marry people who have children and become stepmothers, etc. Link to comment
RelaxByWater84 Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 What is it that you want to do in life? What type of career do you want? What are some things you want to accomplish in life? Link to comment
MyNinja Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Relationships are a job my dear and I only say that because if you don't understand your own yourself as a person, your feelings and desires then you won't be able to share your life openly with another person. It's not all about receiveing candy on Valentines Day or flowers everyday of the week and getting compliments, its about trust, communication, sacrifice, and partnership. I'm not trying to give you a lecture or discourage your or anything of that nature because I'm sure you may understand this and being in a relationship with someone is great, I just want to point out to you the reality of what being in a relationship is because it seems you only understand the surface and it goes a lot deeper. I like what RelaxByWater84 pointed out...what to you enjoy? What do you want to accomplish out of life? Link to comment
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