I hate my mom

[m.d.]

The case is, I'm not a typical teenager having problems because mom is so strict blah blah blah

My mom is kind of liberal (not to the point I would like her to be, but she's working on it). My mother is the one who has some serious problems with herself (also because of her man I am describing below). It's like a prison, because I have to listen to a person that is obviously not mentally healthy.

 

Then I mostly argue with her because of money. My mom's income is very good for a nurse. She earns 14,5 thousands of dollars per year. However, I don't have A LOT of things that I truly need. Call me a material girl, I don't care. I wear one pair of shoes for each season - a fashionable pair, but still one. I won't hide that I'm very about looking good. Being me and in my situation looking good is essential to feel good (I won't discuss it, because it's not that important for now in this case). I could understand it IF NOT...

 

A few days ago I inquired that my mom would afford all the things I need if she wouldn't spend THOUSANDS on her man! My mom met him when he was in some serious financial problems. But after 6 years he is still in debts - those debts are growing every year. He moved to our appartment (and he doesn't even pay half of i.e. electric bills), he had his studies paid by my mom (my mom took the fact that people in relationship help each other for granted), now he borrows money from her and doesn't give it back... If things are like that, why I am not allowed to use her credit card like him?! What's more not only he is in debts - my mom also got some loans for him.

 

In other words, she cares more about her man than about her own child! I wonder is she conscious about what's she's doing really...

 

My mom's friends suggest her and me that her man is with her only because of this financial help she gives him. I can't believe it, because I really really really like him, he's sooooooo nice and understanding to me... But obviously, that relationship is toxic.

 

For a few weeks now I am so frustrated about that situation that I don't go to school (i have such problems with people there and not only... like I said before, being me positive attitude, feeling good is essential to go to my school and persevere there for all those hours and not fall into a depression).

 

We as a family really should be doing very good financially and today...I didn't go to school because... uhh, it sounds so pathetic... I had no shoes after my pair for a winter got damaged...

 

What am I supposed to do...?

[Cognitive_Canine]

well, you need to get back to school. No matter what happens, keeping your head down in your books is the best way to fix it.

[Over Analyzer]

When you decide that you are going to be in charge of your happiness you will be. Maturity is taking the reins of your life and stop blaming others, sure we all have things in our youth that shaped us but, until you decide that you can be the change you seek from your mother you will continue on a cycle. Money doesn't bring happiness. You aren't getting an education because of shoes?????? There are kids in Africa who hike miles to school barefoot because they have the chance to even go to school. Your mother has the right as an adult to make bad choices, just as you have choices now as a young woman to choose not to make the same ones. If you can see what she cannot consider yourself lucky, perhaps she isn't at a place in life where she has reached what she needs, the ability to see things she needs to, even if that is sad you cannot and should not hate her for it. I know it sucks, that is life, talk to her and if you can't get through you are old enough to start making plans for your own future, want a credit card? I'd say ok get a job. Not trying to be mean but, you need to stop asking what can be done for you and start thinking about what you can do for yourself.

[dragon lady]

I know most schools have a policy where you have to wear shoes, but I'm sure if you went there and explained the situation, a teacher or friend would lend you a pair. Or maybe you could borrow a pair of your mom's?

 

Are you old enough to get a part-time job? That might be another solution. Unfortunately, not everyone can have the material goods they want.

[Mlost]

First off, 14,500 a year is not good money. For a 40 hr work week, that's $7 an hour. So, she is not financially well off, IMO. From what you're saying, she can't afford to buy you nice things. Well, unfortunately, that is her choice. As long as you are not lacking in the fundamentals, housing, adequate clothing, food, etc.

 

How old are you? Are you able to get a part-time job after school? That way you can have control of what you want to spend money on and get the things you want but don't need. You say there are things that you "truly need." More pairs of shoes are things that you want, not "need." My advice, stop trying to be a self-described material girl and be thankful for what your mom gives you.

[Empathy]

She earns 14,5 thousands of dollars per year.

 

 

Huh?

 

And as far as your situation, it could be so much worse. I understand where you're coming from. Nothing sucks more than being put behind your mom's SO. But I'm an example of how much worse it can be. My father is/was abusive (not as much anymore now that I'm older) and when my father and I didn't get along it didn't matter how verbally or physically abusive he was, my mother just sat back and let it happen. She would even defend him when I would come to her for help. Several times my father would pitch fits and tell my mom that he couldn't deal with my crap anymore and that he was just going to leave. Leave her and the rest of the family because I was SOOOOO terrible. *roll*. My mom would always say, "I'm not going to lose my husband to you."

 

I know that you are hurting right now. But all I'm seeing is that you're not pleased with the fact that you have everything you need. I didn't get near as much as most teenagers did either b/c my parents were too busy spending their money on auctions and antiques saying that their house is their biggest investment. I don't think so. Your kids will always be your biggest investment. So I do see where you're coming from there. Yes, its hard. But it could be a lot worse.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah, why do you HATE your mom for this?

 

Do you have a part time job? When I turned 16, I got a part time job and started buying all my own clothes and gas for my car.

[Brittney2008]

I have to support my mom not only mentally (her debilitating depression and anxiety due to drug use), physically (not being able to walk for three months due to her drunk driving and totalling MY car), and financially (hasn't had a job for at least 5years). And I'm only 17.

 

Do I hate her? No. She's my mom.

 

I'm not trying to take the focus away from your problem or issue but please be a little grateful for what you have!!!

[hers]

 

I'm not trying to take the focus away from your problem or issue but please be a little grateful for what you have!!!

 

i have to agree here and what Over Analyzer said--be glad you don't have it much worse. BE GRATEFUL. Not having material possessions will make you appreciate your mom much more 10 years from now b/c you'll realized she struggled and did the best she could and loved you.

[Snoopy24]

You HATE your mom, because she wont buy you a new pair of shoes???

 

I have bought my own clothing since I was 16.

 

She gives you a roof over your head, I'm pretty sure she feeds you, right? Those are things you NEED. You WANT shoes. Get a job and get them yourself.

 

Im sorry if I am coming off mean, but your first sentence was that "The case is, I'm not a typical teenager having problems because mom is so strict blah blah blah" ...and you are being a typical teenager.

 

14k isn't a lot of money. I'm sure if she had more money she would spend more on you..

[Miss Firecracker]

I'm amazed she can give her boyfriend anything at all making no more than $14,500 per year. Are you sure this is what you meant to say? Or did you mean $145,000?

[itsallgrand]

All I'd ask you to do is to try and love your mom, even when it seems impossible and you want to strangle her.

 

I'm not kidding. I spent a lot of time being angry at my mom. You only get one.

 

10 years down the line you won't give a tweet about shoes. Having clothes period, though it does suck not getting what you want now, isn't the thing you are going to remember or care about.

 

Years hatin' if you really do feel this hostile towards her for this, won't make it better.

And you'll sit there feeling like an idiot for wasting so much precious time with someone so important to your life.

 

What can you do? Talk to you mom. Say "thank you" for what she does do. Say "I love you. I'm sorry. " after a fight. Say "I love you. " for no reason. Tell her 4 good things for every angry or negative thing you say to her.

 

She'll start to talk to you too, the relationship will get better.

[rosephase]

If you think about it she is doing the same thing for him as she is doing for you. She pays _all_ of your bills, and lets you live with her. It sounds like she is helping him with the basics, which you already have. If you really can't stand the situation then you have to keep going to school so you can get out some day. But really you need to try and give your mom a break.

[jengh]

I'm not really finding a solid enough reason for you to hate your mother. Hate is such a strong word...

Like others said, if she is making 14,500 every year, she's in bad shape... and is probably doing the best that she can... I think you need to do more to help out in that aspect.. Get a part-time job and start pulling your weight. My parents are rather well off and I've paid for my own clothing since I was 15.

It's hard supporting a family. I think you need to give her a break.

 

If you want to be a material girl, as you put it, that's fine!!! I was/am somewhat still, too. BUT, I paid for all of it on my own. It'll make you appreciate it more

 

I get it though, I "hated" my mom, too when I was younger... once you grow up a little, you'll find that your mom can really be your best friend if you let her in.