Update: saying goodbye to my best friend.

[Phoenix_girl]

My previous posts on this forum re this issue have gone over that fact that im in love with my best friend of 5 years, that im sure he has feelings for me, and how things have been in the past year....part of which is him treating me differently as a friend, and definitely different from his other friends. I tried to bring this up with him and talk about it as mature adults....well the last time we talked it will be 2 weeks on Sunday and what came out of it was that me asking to do stuff with him is asking for the world. I havent tried contacting him since (i'm always the one to initiate contact) and he hasnt contacted me. I'm just tired of feeling like dirt because of him.

 

It's been hard not messaging him and trying to contact him.....but at the same time even if i did, i dont know what i would say. I go back and forth between wanting to "beg" him to talk to me and wanting to tell him off. My heart is breaking and for the first week I cried myself to sleep at night. I'm not only loosing my best friend of 5 years, im loosing the love of my life and I fear I will never again trust anyone or entrust my heart to anyone.

 

As each day goes by it hurts a little less, but i still constantly think of him. Most people have told me to just leave it, that when he realizes what he's missing, he'll come around. My fear is that he wont miss me, despite telling me our friendship is priceless to him........

 

So that's my update and my small tale of heartbreak. I dont know what the future holds. I know i dont trust him the way i used to, and a part of me feels like he's not the caring guy he used to be....no he jsut seems cold. Hopefully i dont give in to my desire to contact him. he needs to come to me.......

[Phoenix_girl]

Just as i had posted this thread my "best friend" came online - hes been in New York for the past week and said that he is hoping to start a convo with me this weekend ecause while he was in new york he got thinking that i must be really frustrated.

But before i put out all that emotional energy (that i know will be required for the convo he wants) he needs to give me something, or do something to show that he actually cares about this friendship.

For the past year he has refused to add me to facebook for unknown reasons....that might be a good start for him

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It sounds like he enjoys the attention, but is not putting forth any effort to build a deeper relationship with you. So i think he wants to be a friend, but he doesn't want to date you, or you would be going on dates and he would be clear in his intentions and desire to be your boyfriend.

 

If he only talks when you call him and he doesn't call you, then that in itself is pacing the friendship and keeping it at arms length.

 

I think you want more from him than he wants to be with you... if your heart is breaking, then it is good for you not to contact him for a while, and recognize that dwelling on him and running after him is keeping you from finding someone who really does want to be your boyfriend and not just a friend.

 

so it will hurt for a while, but is in your best interest to move on if he is not being a boyfriend, or even a good friend if he doesn't keep contact with you.