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What would you do if a single mom you were seeing said this to you?

tray25

By tray25
in Dating Advice

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tray25 Contributor

tray25

Posted
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I was seeing this single mom for a while (2mos). She was really cool and everything was going great. She has a 4 mos old baby. Then she just pulled away, I could barely ever see her. She never invited me over or anything. I really didn't think much cause I thought she was busy and everything. But on Friday she called me and said that she was just looking for a friend and that she had no time to see me. She couldn't be physical with me and that she was very busy with the baby. She said she was not ready. I told her I completely understood and I would be there for her. But now I haven't heard from her since. I don't want to call because I kinda feel like maybe she wanted a way out? I was waiting for her to call cause I wanted to give her some space. Should I contact her or wait for her to make a move? I am guessing she has zero interest in me? How should I proceed? I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just got done talking to her about how I would give her space and then I would go against that by calling (looking needy or clingy). But if I don't call, it may show that I only wanted sex and nothing more. It seems like I lose either way. What do I do so that she keeps me in her thoughts? I guess I just feel like there is no interest and it has discouraged me.

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livinginsbi Contributor

livinginsbi

Posted
Posted

If she was just looking for a friend and you don't have a problem being that friend, then call her.

 

Decide what level of a realtionship you want with her and just do it. Babies take a lot out of a mom, let alone a single mom, but a quick call just to say 'hi' or to offer some kind of assistance (whatever you would be comfortable with) would be a nice gesture. Being there as her friend could end up more later - or not. But whatever you do, be sincere - don't think you'll be there as her 'friend' now, because you really want more later. Be there for her because you like her and if that's not the reason, then drop it.

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timzter Newbie

timzter

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She has a baby, she probably said that to you because of that and she probably feels guilty if all her attention and time is spent on her baby and can't give any to you. Maybe that's why she trying to spare some hurt feelings between to thw two of you. i still think you should still be a friend to her though. Call her and she'll probably be glad to hear from you.

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Dani-elle Newbie

Dani-elle

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It sounds like this woman is not available and maybe needs the space and freedom from relationships at this point in time in her life. This isn't in any way a reflection on you in any way. If you are able to be a friend only ( that she is wanting ) with the understanding that she may not want to go further than friendship or anything else. If you feel you can honestly be this person, without expecting too much, ringing her to chat, could be a start. That phone call may be able to give you more insight into the whole situation. If after that call, she still seems distant and disinterested, then, letting her go and moving on, may be the better thing to do for the both of you

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LanceVanceDance Apprentice

LanceVanceDance

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I reckon when a woman tells you she wants a friend and nothing more, it means she's not interested. Don't tell her you'll be there for her as that makes you enter the doormat category. Tell her "OK, I understand, but I'm not interested in just being friends". Don't apologise for what you want/need, there's plenty of fish in the sea for both of you.

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

Posted
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She has a baby, she probably said that to you because of that and she probably feels guilty if all her attention and time is spent on her baby and can't give any to you. Maybe that's why she trying to spare some hurt feelings between to thw two of you. i still think you should still be a friend to her though. Call her and she'll probably be glad to hear from you.

 

 

This is more along the lines of what I was thinking. As a single mother myself, I know how demanding and stressful it is and most of the time especially when the baby is so young you don't have time or even the want for a relationship. Maybe this isn't the case but I think it's more likely than others. Try calling her once and seeing how she is doing and judging by how she reacts go from there.

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tray25 Contributor

tray25

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Okay, its been over a week and haven't heard from her. I didn't call because I thought maybe she just wanted a way out. Does anyone here I think I should call or send a text? I think not but does anyone believe that this chick has any interest whatsoever? The only concern I have is; I don't call but she hasn't called me either, so I am hesitant to contact her even more. This girl completely changed on me in less than two weeks..

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just M.E. Enthusiast

just M.E.

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She may have all the things everyone mentioned, but what do you feel for her?

 

Would you be willing to be simply a friend and be comfortable with that?

 

She's a single mom, she probably really could use you as a friend, I know in her shoes, I did. As a friend you can ask about what she is feeling, she may need a shoulder to lean on.

 

It isn't easy for her, maybe she needs some emotional support and may have pushed you away feeling isolated and overwhelmed. There could be many scenarios.

 

Do what feels right to you.

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